Sorry I can’t let go of this Austin Powers meme…  I can’t believe I just used that word…  I can’t believe that bull elephant is charging the Rover that ferries Mark Taurus and Lori… sort of like that scene where the Dr. Evil hench-man gets steam-rolled…

But there’s Dirty, all smug and thinking that he’s gotten away with… what?  He’s been found out and will now have to live his life in the shadows… does he really think that Mark isn’t going to haunt him to his grave??

…the Poacher?  How ironic!  Or maybe the Ivory Market is not as strong as the Tusk Market… thereby leaving the Elephants alone.  But Please, they could not see this herd of pachyderms from a mile away, certainly from adequate distance to avoid them?  So look who is “stuck” now!  Ha!  And it’s not like it’s a freight train that goes on for miles…  Use the steering wheel Mark!!  Put it in four-wheel!  This is silly…

Meanwhile, off-camera, Chris “Dirty” Dyer is laughing fiendishly at how Trail has been foiled…  Muuuaaaahahahaha… he says, all Dr. Evil-like…

Note to colorists:  it’s going to be very difficult to tell which vehicle is which but for the stilted dialogue, or lack thereof, coming from each…  Both Rovers are painted Boat Motor Green, and even if they do have different license plate numbers it will be difficult to distinguish them…

When I first read this I took the line “He seems to be sticking to the road, Mark” quite literally… Ha!  I thought what?  Is he in molasses?  Is he stuck in one place?  Euphemisms and idioms are funny, are they not, especially translating across cultures…  Although I learned yesterday that “killing two birds with one stone” has the same meaning and usage in English AND Somali…  how funny.

Like a shot, Mark is after Dirty in what will surely NOW result in proper fisticuffs!  Telegraphing his every move and verbally expressing his every thought, Mark is back in his wheelhouse…

But “out of here” is where, Dirty?  Anywhere but here, I get that, but what’s your next move?  Why did you even come back to camp?  If only to move the plot along and allow Mark to go all Nature on your ass…

And now that’s all square, having just called Dirty off at the point of a rifle…  And Dirty, with his bushy dark eyebrows, looking a lot like one of the Marx Brothers…

And with that, Chris “Dirty” Dyer is going to pack up his toys… errr, tusks… errr, horns and go home.  Wherever that might be…  He had a plan and Trail ruined it!  Mark! Are you going to let him just stalk off?  Lori is still in questioning mode… “I thought I knew this man,” she must be thinking… Oh well, better to be with one who has the same raven hair as you, my dear… birds of a feather, you know…

He could have blown his red whistle on such goings-on, but instead he got out the Mauser…  and sent a warning shot across Dirty’s bow…  at least James Allen knows what sound a gun makes… not KRAKOW or WHAAAMM, but KAPOW!  And I don’t mean to nit-pick (OK, that’s what I do here) but a knife?  Really?  What major orifice did Dirty pull that out of?  Maybe he has magic powers, who knows…

But certainly this continues on a new theme in the life of Mark Trail, where other supporting cast members have to save his butt… if not Cherry and Dusty, now Taurus.  Kind of anticlimactic, no?

…and even quicker with his fists!!  “Dirty” paying dirty by landing a quick right to the left Trail mandible…  Mark!  You should have seen that one coming, man!!  I am sure he telegraphed that roundhouse… where are your reflexes? your defenses?  Spinning inside that hard head of yours, as spittle flies from your mouth on the way down to the ground.

I can imagine the back-story here…  Chris “Dirty” Dyer, ever the manipulator and schemer, convinces his erstwhile “girlfriend” to underwrite a trip to the Dark Continent under the guise of an innocent “safari,” and with everything set, pickups, drops, exchanges, payoffs, in blunders Mark Trail, who happens to be a poacher’s nightmare…  Who, we know, is not finished or ended at this point… He’s just getting warmed up…

Not only are you suffering under the withering admonishments of a decorated and published naturalist, but now you have gone and pissed off your girlfriend!!  And it’s for the best, you know?  She would be bringing up that “snake thing” for years…

As Lori turns on her heel and stomps off (uh, to where exactly?) we see Chris “Dirty” Dyer’s plans go up in smoke.  I am still very curious as to how exactly he was going to monetize his illegal cargo; you know, meet up with buyer, get money, find “Carlson” again and give him his 60% (a 40% cut for delivering Rhino horn?  Not bad, actually) all without having any of his party suspect that he is up to something funny.  Throughout this experience, Chris has shown a complete lack of ability to plan any number of moves ahead- he seems to be more like a single cell animal, just bumping into shit and reacting…

That was really starting to bug me… too lazy to go back and look, I had resorted to calling him “That guy that Mark came to Africa to see…”  But Mark!  Let “Ol’ Dirty” answer your question!  Let him spin a web of lies and deceit!  That would be at least entertaining!  You ask him a question and then immediately assume that he is guilty (which he is of course…)

But I ask you- is there a better scolding than one dished out by Mark Trail where Poaching is involved??  I don’t think so… There is a special place in Hell for the likes of you, Chris Dyer…

Lori looks, at best, nonplussed by this turn of events…  C’mon, girl, where’s your outrage, your indignation?  Or are you just in shock after Hippo, Buffalo, Python and now Rhino??

What Th—Well, Chris “Dirty” Dyer, the gig is up!  Or “what the hell were you thinking?” Oh I know, I will place a tarp over this unlocked box and no one will be any the wiser…  certainly no one will notice this anvil case that wasn’t here before…  And Trail, this is where your life becomes expendable…  Remember how not a soul even knows that you went on safari with these two random people- one a dentist and the other just plain bad, rotten to the core??

The look on Mark’s face says it all, though.  This is the height of bad, the lowest of the low.  Worse than Turtle Eggs!!  Worse than Shining Deer!!  This is World-Wide, Cross Borders, Interpol kind of stuff!  And you are in the middle of it Mark!  Who’s going to believe that you aren’t involved?  Think, man, think!!

Springbok Antelope, a Cheetah’s favorite prey, are really quite amazing to watch…

A lot more interesting than this story line…

Dirty doesn’t have facial hair (the tip-off to being a bad guy) but as long as he is sporting that Dolph Lundgren look, we can’t really trust him, can we??  And as he snarls in displeasure (AGAIN!!) at Mark playing the hero with the one he sees making his life whole, certainly no good can come of this…  Remember he was going to lure Mark out into the “Tall Grass” only to be trampled by a Cape Buffalo herd?  His work is clearly not done here…

Oh Chris, you don’t know Mark like we know Mark do you?  Being a “Hero” is all in a day’s work for him…  he thinks little of it, the fact that he often inserts himself between life and death with little regard for his own safety.  He knows better than any of us that this strip is named after him, and what would James Allen do if Mark were to suddenly come to an untimely end?  Start writing a strip called “Rusty Trail?”  I think not…

Every now and then the artwork and the backgrounds turn into a bit of a “What doesn’t fit in this picture” Game…

Panel 1:  Taurus running in the fields of green holding onto his red whistle (there’s that again…) the plane, boss, the plane!

Panel 2:   Chris Dyer preaching/ declaring/ gesturing awkwardly that “this Safari is officially over.”  With purple mountains’ majesty as a backdrop, almost as is he has returned from seeing a burning bush and is in possession of the stone tablets…

Panel 3:  No background, just a tearful Lori telling a distracted and unfeeling Chris that she was recently attacked by a snake!  You know what?  I don’t think he really cares…

So, as we move this story along, will we ever turn up the bones of the guy that Mark flew down there to see in the first place?  Will Mark be implicated in a smuggling ring now that he is unwittingly helping to ferry contraband?  Will Lori ever get to play something other than the fair damsel, often in distress?  What this strip needs is more strong women!  Like Cherry! BLAM!  Remember??

I have been studying the first panel for a while now (I know, it’s time to get a life…) and I can’t get my bearings…  Is Mark standing on a king size cot that Lori warrants as she is the Queen of the Safari?  Is e standing on the floor with the bed all askew and blankets and linens everywhere?  And what about that basket on the left?  Is that a clothes hamper?  Is that where the snake was all coiled up, lying in wait??

No Mark, she’s NOT “All Right…”  I think we can assume that much.  She’s as “All Right” as anyone who has had a near-death experience…  And notice how she’s not calling out for Chris…  This just keeps getting deeper and deeper.  She might as well have let the snake take her as compared to the death by a thousand cuts falling in love with Mark Trail represents…

…don’t exhale when a 20 foot constrictor has you in its coils…

…but then that’s a difficult rule to remember.  Rule number 2:  Always, in the heat of the moment, explain exactly what is going down before asking for the appropriate weapon.  Good thing Taurus keeps a fixed blade Bowie Knife on his hip for just such emergencies… Rule number 3:  apply knife blade with sufficient force to head of snake causing it to release its victim…

But on a slightly lighter side, let’s recall Kaa from Disney’s Jungle Book (always a source of accurate depiction of nature and its predator/ prey relationships…)  Voiced by Sterling Holloway (Also with Winnie the Pooh to his credit…) It’s a classic…

Well, at least it wasn’t the guy skulking by the fire, it’s a PYTHON! Pythons generally live in Trees, not tents and cots, but that’s OK, anything to keep the suspense up…  in case this ever happens to you, dear reader, follow the rules as written in this handy e-HOW article…  Apparently constrictors don’t like their tails bitten…  I wonder if Mark has read the same article??

Meanwhile Dirty is loaded down with contraband, while his true love is having the life squeezed out of her…  Grasping for meaning here, folks, but I got nothin’…

On more serious note, this article highlights the plight of the White Rhino and efforts to protect them.

We just can’t let a moment pass without another cry for help… two cries, actually, growing in intensity…  While Mark and Taurus (apparently his real name) get to know each other on a last name basis (Mark is already writing this story in his head- it will surely grab him the Pulitzer or whatever Outdoor writers covet) Lori cries out!  Could it be the shadowy figure running by the fire?  Or is that random porter number 2, who gets to do heavy lifting but doesn’t get to sit at the table with the clients?

So while Mark dredges up what will surely become Ancient Lore, part of the Oral Tradition among Taurus’ People, the story of the Great White Writer who thrust a flaming stick into the mouth of a marauding hippo, heads snap around and wine glasses fly out of hands… LORI!!

Let’s all raise a glass of lovely Pinot Noir in honor of Mark, who has once again proven that his intuition and his mettle go unmatched…

But Oh, Lori…  Such a DQ (drama queen.)  I shall be repairing to MY TENT, you know, the one that I share with no one…  not even the one who would have me, the one who, as I speak my toast, is up to is eyeballs in Rhino Horn…

…men who load trucks, and kill Rhino… While seeming to know an awful lot about Chris and his “issues” with money and gambling…  And Chris has a thing or two to learn about tipping too much of his hand.  If your adversary knows what is driving your behavior, then he owns you…  “Hi, I am Chris Dyer, and just so we are all on the same page, let me tell you all about my problems with gambling and money, and how I need a big score to get out of Dutch with Frankie ‘No Knees’ Castalano…”

Funny how they all seem to go to the same outfitter, though…  for tents and clothes and pith helmets…

Oh my goodness!  “Dirty” is ready to soil himself… just look at the face in panel 2…  And it seems that “Carlson” is unaware that Chris prefers to be called “Dirty…”  Or is Dirty a name that he has only just thought up?  That only Mark knows about?  Carlson is reminding me of the “Cobb” character Brian Dennehy played in the movie Silverado…  Big, Brash, mean, crooked, no conscience…

And yea, back off, Carlson, you need a bath!  Even the Warthog needs to get up-wind of you…