Yup, that got there attention…

The Forestry Commission??  What ever happened to the Forest Ranger??  Commissions are usually designed to set policy and create systems change…  not for delivering direct services…  What?  are they going to call a meeting, check for quorum, follow Robert’s Rules and decide what to do about a raging fire?  seems odd to me…

Mark, on the other hand, is wired for immediate action… Got to find Abbey Powell and see if she is in danger…  Haven’t seen that determined a look on Mark’s face since the last time he was face to face with a poacher…

Running toward a burning truck?  Not very smart, Queen of the Parasitoids…  Miss “I’m from the USDA and I am here to help…”  Of course it was Eddie and his idiot friend schlepping garage sized backpacks that started this part of the mess…

Oh no, she thinks… this is going to come out of my pay…  as flaming cogs, cams and other debris whiz past her head!  She must have had explosives in her stores to create a violent explosion like that. Of course the flaming tree did land right where the gas tank is situated, so I guess this isn’t completely implausible…

If this ruckus doesn’t distract Mark and Wally from their Beaver relocation activities, I don’t know what will…

…as much as any child subjected to the ravages of an alcoholic father in his early, brain-pattern-forming years can…

And once again, Mark seems to be on the verge of violating one of the key tenets of the Trailian Way:

But hey, why not… as much as Mark enjoys breaking Rusty’s heart at every turn, it will be fun to watch when the animals are released back into the wild, Mark suggests that they go do “a little fishing,” and then abandon Rusty on the stoop, with fishing pole in hand, while Mark goes off on assignment…

But what of Abbey Powell?  She’s in a bad spot only getting worse, as her government issued vehicle falls prey to the fire… and she’s managed to not find her glasses, which means that she is not likely to be seeing all that clearly now anyway… So while Wally ogles the captive Beavers, Abbey contemplates the fact that she may have released her last vial of stingless wasps… Quick, Abbey, what did you learn in the Peace Corps?  Certainly something useful…

Or did Abby release the stingless wasps on the southern face of slumber mountain?  Why would she release them in Wally’s woods?

The dialogue is funny… Again, I go back to the TV show… “C’mon, Wally, don’t shoot the Beaver… he didn’t mean to dog-ear your Lou Gehrig rookie card…”

The look on the Beavers’ faces is matched only by the expression that Mark has mustered in panel one…  I have never seen that one before… suggests a depth of character and a capacity for empathy…  And of course Mark carries beaver-sized live traps around with him at all times…  and of course both Beaver walk right into them, as if on cue…  And what will Rusty do to the Beavers when Mark presents them to him??  I envision a sort of fiendish glee and and acknowledgement that part of the “deal” is that Mark bring Rusty burnt offerings periodically in order that he not terrorize his adoptive parents, given that they have left him with the “Old Man” for much of his life…

Poor Beavers…  I don’t like this turn of events…

How awesome is this!?!  Abbey Powell has suddenly, inexplicably lost the use of her legs, willing herself to “get up” while the fire rages on and bears down on her and her government issued field dress…    and in the opposite panel, Wally is snatching his rifle from the rack while Mark continues to smile at him in almost-disbelief…  “Seriously, Wally…” he says…  “Chill, Man, we can relocate the Beavers…”  Wally is having none of this…

Is there a “Beaver Season? Or are they always available?  If that’s the case, the Wally is within his rights, I suppose, but now-a-days everything has to be done within the rule of the local law- fishing limits, slot limits, season openers, etc…

So it would seem that there IS a season for everything,From Snipe to Crow to Bear and everything in between…  so be careful, Wally, you might find yourself on the wrong side of the Game Warden…

But is it Duck Season or Wabbit Season?? Let’s find out…

…apparently.  As Abbey Powell finds herself between a fire and some dead-fall, her true outdoor chops come shining through…  she is, after all, in marketing and communications… I mean, what business does she have being out in the field??  So down she goes, glasses falling off, pulling a Ralphie… (“oh no… my glasses… <voice over> pulverized!)

So as the tree / body count stacks up, we are left wondering how all this mayhem will resolve itself…  is it possible that these motions set in place are unstoppable?  I mean, there’s no evil-doer to punch out!  Just Man against Nature, and well, Nature usually wins- with man left to apply for Federal Aid and Disaster Relief…

Must be my need to reach for something interesting in light of the plot “twist” that confronts us now in the Trailverse… (Fire?  Really??) But I am reminded of an instance where I was delivered feedback on a presentation that I had made at a client (years ago…) where a certain audience member was skeptical of my message and didn’t believe what I was sharing…  The member of the client team present during their internal meeting to discuss my proposal came back to tell me that Mrs. Skeptical thought it was all “Smokin’ Mirrors…”  I looked at the messenger and asked her did she mean “Smoke and Mirrors?” and she looked at me quizzically not knowing that there was an expression like that or even what it meant…  Ever since I have always gotten a chuckle every time I hear or think of that phrase…

So back to the plot twist…  the third plague of fire has been delivered (the first being the latter day form of locust- Emerald Ash Borer, the second being flood- brought about by beaver) and now Wally’s fate is sealed.  No marriage to Susan, no little Wally’s running through his trees, not a prayer for a happy life.  Mark, I think your work is done here…  go home to Lost Forest before a stampede of Moose befalls them…

With all the woods reduced to charcoal, the EAB will have no habitat, and at least THAT problem is solved…  Oh Wally, Wally, Wally.  Nature must hate you.  Your dreams are literally about to go up in smoke…  Unless the beaver pond has formed a natural firebreak…  and saves your stand of trees from a fiery doom…

Nice to see that Abbey has taken on a time-honored Trail-trait ~ talking aloud to oneself to no one in particular…

Meanwhile, Bambi and the other forest fauna are heading to safety after the poor outdoor manners of Eddie and his friend are defying all logic and reason, starting a conflagration…  we haven’t seen one of those since Ol’ friend Wes and and wife Shelly turned Slumber Mountain into a moonscape…

…you are probably as good a marksman as you are a forester…  which ain’t sayin’ much…  As the Beaver pair looks on through clouded, nearsighted eyes, they can only be saying, “What? This is what we do…  the only thing we know…”  Wally needs to find a little understanding, that generosity of spirit that will allow him to see the bigger picture…   all the wildlife that the beaver pond will attract will keep him in food and fur forever…  or something like that…

…so as Mark Trail thinks about relocation and Wally contemplates Beavercide, to bad I don’t know anything about Justin Bieber, otherwise I could be making bad jokes about that…

Ok, that one was just waiting for me for weeks now and it only just occurred to me… Leave it to Beaver!  Big brother Wally… The Beaver, Eddie Haskel, Lumpy, Beaver’s friends Whitey and Larry Mundello… and Ward and June Cleaver!

Oh, Wally… what’s a couple of trees between you and all of Nature that makes it possible?  You should be marveling at the spectacle, the diligence, the engineering!!  All this pair wants to do is settle down and make some kits… and they need a lodge and a pond to do that…  You should take note and start your own brood…

But wait, Wally, the best is yet to come!  Fire!

Yeah, Abbey…  You go do your Wasp-thing, The waters are rising!  And Wally is taking note of this “something isn’t right here situation…”

This is what I have been waiting for, but honestly it’s sort of an anticlimax…  Maybe because I am on “Team Beaver,” and not “Team Wally…”  I mean really, how can anyone root for a dumb-ass?

There’s fire.  Eddie, you are a poor excuse for a camper- a terrible steward of our natural resources…  To leave Mother scarred by an open fire pit and to leave a fire smoldering to boot!  Obviously you were never a Scout or trained properly and made to recite the Outdoor Code!  But nor is it likely that a tree of such girth would a) collapse so abruptly or b) catch fire so readily…

This does however lay to rest the age old question of whether a tree falling with no one around makes a sound…  clearly it does!!

I have to say, though, that our campers would be much happier if they did not have packs the size of small refrigerators on their backs…

Oh, Wally, does this mean that you are now facing financial ruin by fire?  Good Lord, this guy can’t catch a break, can he??

Good Job, Wally you have settled down enough to allow yourself some level of understanding- now you know that it’s HUMANS that aid in the spread of invasive species like Emerald Ash Borer and Zebra Muscle…

And it appears that James Allen has also grown weary of this part of the story as he abruptly introduces us to yet more cast members!   Sort of reminds me of the movie Grand Canyon, written and directed by Lawrence Kasdan, where we are introduced to 6 people, all living out lives full of challenges, only to have all the various story lines converge in one meaningful, seminal moment…  we can only hope…  But of course our story involves the Trails (limited challenges) Susan and Wally (whose challenges I am loathe to list) the beaver pair (not human, but hey, this IS the Trail-verse…) and these two- Eddie and what’s-his-name, (who are currently throwing in the towel…)

and remember the bugs?  Everywhere?  Interesting…

Note that Mark said, “potentially…” As in this “scheme” could “potentially” save you from financial ruin…  but wait- the EAB is the least of your troubles.  You haven’t yet seen the trees that have actually fallen to help create new beaver habitat…  Maybe your mother was right- you should have become a dentist or an attorney…  But no, your love of all things outdoors… that will be your undoing.

Discussing this story with another Trail-fan off-line (yes, it happens, sad to say…) the question was proffered as to why Abbey Powell’s hair is blonde in the strip when clearly she’s a red-head in real life…  mysteries still have their place in the Trailverse- answers to which may never be known…

How convenient!  Abbey just happens to have the correct biocontrol agent in her stores!  Do they carry badges and guns?  Tiny ones?  Ha!  Get it?  Well, I for one am glad that she didn’t have to go back to the lab and pick up a supply… that would have prolonged this interaction another two or more days…

Better let that thing out fast!  it’s probably running out of air!  How do we know that it has eggs in it?  And didn’t we forget to “quarantine” the area??

…otherwise Wally would have probably flipped out again.  Mark seems to be enjoying the whole back and forth between Wally and Abbey…  And Wally is using his best “I am just a dumb-ass” look and pretending (or hey… maybe not) to not be following this whole thing…  What I am still wondering about, though, is how one “quarantines” an area like this…  What?  Throw a giant net over the entire tree stand?  Hopefully we will soon find out…

I continue to find the story of the Beaver pair more interesting.  Not necessarily enthralling, but at least more interesting than the human side of this story.  Here’s a link to a Nature episode focused on the little rascals…  clearly the best piece of Beaver PR ever developed…

I might just have to furrow my brow and flex my entire upper torso and let the cortisol run free!!  Settle down, Wally.  You are going to put yourself into an early grave the way you react to every little thing that is a surprise!!  Parasitoid…  Well, that’s just a fancy, college-level word for a species that lives off another species- sort light fighting fire with fire I suppose…  or not…  also known as a bio-control agent, and it appears that there are many natural enemies of the EAB (that’s Emerald Ash Borer…)

Oh, and as previously mentioned, Abbey Powell is a real person…  here’s her picture…

Sorry, campers!  Had to go away for a few days!!  Travel should be over for a while now…  While I was gone I did pick up a comment that pointed out to me that Abbey Powell is also real!  Right along with the other USDA stuff!!  So, with Wally Wood sporting his lobotomy scar, he tells Abbey that  he has “several acres of trees.”

Don’t you mean several hundred acres, Wally? I mean, c’mon… have you never heard of scale??  There’s not a fortune hiding in a measly several acres… to me that means about 4 or 5…

Yes how could you possible know, Abbey, that this is the “Northern Tip” of Wally’s expansive (not) property? Maybe because the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and right now the sun is still rising??  At which point Wally reveals that his lobotomy scar has shifted to the other side of his head!  Bugs may be scary and all, but I don’t like the way that looks!!

Purple Traps?!? Mark finds that intriguing!  Slumber Mountain??  We’ve been here before!  Remember, dear readers, this is where Wes crashed his plane and set him and Mark on a perilous journey back to Cherry and Shelley (with two e’s)

And in case the rest of you were wondering (I am sure…) whether Abbey passed her orienteering test, I had to draw out what she was describing…

  Yes!  The bugs are heading south in the general direction of Wally’s Woods!  From the south side of Slumber Mountain where the USDA set Purple Traps…  Oh my… can’t you just feel the tension??

So, while Wally prepares to paint the forest floor with his vomitus, (no wonder mark refused pancakes this morning!) Abbey Powell from the USDA will save the day!  And down-range our intrepid beaver pair is oblivious to the human drama unfolding nearby.  Lucky them!!

Meet the face of the USDA.  I of course underestimated the reach and resources of and available from the Federal Government… And in case my small and devoted readership hasn’t figured this out by now, I find these revelations troubling…  are we all going be on a government payroll at some point?  Whatever happened to the phrase, “Just because we can, does that mean we should??”  While I am sure that we all benefit from a Farm Bill that has grown to such massive proportions, at what point does this just become too much??

…and yes, the website is for real…  hungrypests.com… brought to you by the Animal Plant Health Inspection Service of the United States Department of Agriculture.  I don’t even know what to say about that.

Here’s the “mascot” I suppose… creepy enough?  And just like Abbey (with an “e”) declared, April IS ‘Invasive Plant Pest and Disease Awareness Month…’  If you click on the video- you will find that Mr. Pest has a British accent… sort of like Jihad John…

And how the USDA is tracking movement of 15 “hungry Pests…”

So happy to learn that the Wally Woods of the world can benefit from our deficit spending practices…  So keep up the good work, USDA, and make sure you thank James Allen, whose tech savvy and web awareness is opening the Trailverse onto new and exciting vistas!!

Yup, back at Lost Forest where the coffee’s always on!  And even the wildlife is getting into the act.  Oh, wait, that’s Mark talking…  No pancakes, sweetheart, I have to watch my waistline.  Even those of us that don’t age have to work at it…

So… not sure what fun YOU have planned for the day, but I need to go spend valuable, un-billable time with my friend Wally Wood!  Sure hope Doc has some clients… not sure what we live on around here… Say did that check from Woods and Wildlife ever show up?  Oh, that’s right, I haven’t written anything in quite a while… funny how I don’t get paid for getting 80-foot sailboats blown up and spoiling business deals…