The perfect Trailian response to a near-mauling… touch her in as patronizing and  condescending a way possible on the tip of the nose and inquire as to general well-being.  Perfect Tralian response to clumsy demonstrations of affection:  Inform life mate that you are OK, but that the bear might have done lasting damage to your shoulder…

Again, Mark is clearly quite a shot.  That’s two shots to graze in two attempts, kneeling in a wobbly canoe.

Cherry’s shoulder may have taken a beating, but it’s clear her hair did not!  What DOES she use?  (She’ll never tell…) and how does she maintain that spunky look, even after a death defying, harrowing experience??  It’s all for her man, Mark…  She knew he’d come eventually…

But seriously, folks, let’s look at the collateral damage… A wildfire raging out of control, a plane leaking fuel and oil high above the tree-line, a Mother Bear so confused and humiliated she ran off without her cub…  I mean really, ever heard of “Leave no Trace??”  Apparently not… There will be Heck to pay once the Ranger finds out who started all of this!