Well, at least we know why Chris is so cranky…

You know, it’s hard enough being a white guy these days, but an UNEMPLOYED white guy, traveling with your gainfully employed <girl>friend, presumably on HER dime… well, that makes it all the more difficult.  Of course Lori could have chosen her words a little more carefully…  She could have simply said that Chris does “import/export” or “in commodities” (like rhino horn??)

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And it appears that this “conversation” between Mark and Lori has persisted well into the night.  Once camp is set up Mark goes back into interrogation mode, wondering whether Chris “helps” with Lori’s Dental Practice… “No, Mark, he wouldn’t be very good at that, what with his tendency to scowl and frown all the time… he would scare my patients away…”  So we will call him “unemployed.”  Like this is terribly different from Mark’s status?  Mark maintains the illusion of being “employed” but it’s really all a ruse…  I think Editor Bill Ellis is really a figment of Mark’s imagination and that his “trips” and his “adventures” are merely flights of fantasy…

And Mark, when are you going to divulge the fact that you are married and living rent-free in your father in law’s house?

Ok, Mark. Settle down. You aren’t Rusty…

The only thing missing from Mark’s exclamation is “OH BOY!” Settle down, big guy.  Stay cool.  Take your pictures, listen and learn.

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Look at the SIZE of the Cargo Truck in the caravan.  Looks like the NAZI truck from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” that Indiana Jones hijacked…

I trust that it is Lori who is “Glad…” and not Chris.  He is probably still sullen and sulking about this recent turn of events…

 

Sauc-ay!

And Where have we seen this before?  Oh I don’t know… maybe everywhere Mark goes…  Women want him, Men are threatened by him.    Mark Loosens his collar and it’s all over…

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And what do you know?!?  Chris speaks!!   Mark, have you ever heard of the phrase, “Oh, no thank you?”  It comes in handy every now and then, but of course we need to move this story along. Watching Mark mope over a book he is only pretending to read is not very exciting, now is it??

Spoiler alert- “Chris” is the leader of a Poaching Ring…  I will bet hard currency on that one.

Beyonce? Jay-Z? They got nothin’ on Mark Trail…

Again, his name is music to his ears…  “Why, Yes, I am!”

And a quick search of the Google reveals that Lori Tompkins is in Africa to start a new life, after embezzling over $100K from the Salisbury, (CT) Central School… She’s just been released, and is no doubt violating the terms of her Parole/ Probation by leaving the country…

It would seem, though, that Chris is a mute.  Hasn’t said a word yet.  But he sure looks snappy in his Safari Jacket complete with waist band and epaulets…

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But Mark, you give up so quickly.  You came to Africa to hang with Jacob Hickman and you are simply taking a porter’s word that he is missing?  No inkling or desire to follow up on that?  Where is your natural curiosity, your obtuse nature that allows you to walk onto private property to snoop around??

And Mark where exactly are you going with that “It seems I’m stuck here for a while!” line?  It smacks of desperation, or at least a come-hither line that might get you invited somewhere other than this hotel with fine dining…

Enter the Temptress…

Of all the <hotels with fine dining> in all the world, you had to walk into this one, Mark Trail… With a book, no less.  Have we ever seen Mark crack the binding on a book before??  We have to assume that he reads, given that he writes for a living, but still…

And never mind that fact that Mark’s notoriety knows (literally) no bounds.  Here he is in Africa and he can’t seem to go unnoticed/ unrecognized.  The fact that it’s a loverly lass is something we have all come to expect over the years, right?

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But what does this mean?  Mark has had showings?  Does that suggest that there is a coffee table book with his name on it??  “The World You Would not Know…” by Mark Trail… Maybe tomorrow Chris gets to speak!

Poor Mark!

Never mind that Jacob Hickman has been killed by poachers, now Mark is STUCK in Africa.  On expense account, no less…  Mark looks so SAD…  the game is over before it started… but worry not, friends, no injustice can go un-righted…  not in the Trailverse!  Not when Mark has traveled across space and time to get a story!

Funny how Kah-deen knew that Mark was coming in… even what flight!  Jacob must have run a very transparent operation- probably had a Google Calendar with open access…

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How’s the coffee, Mark?  I bet it’s a little stronger than that dishwater you get at Lost Forest… Might put a little hair on your chest, of which we learned last month you have none!

Why, YES I AM!

Music to his ears, his own name is…  And thank goodness Mark is back to speaking out loud and not THINKING all those THOUGHTS to himself.  I feel better already.

Mark wasn’t difficult to spot.  Ivy league all the way… dresses and carries himself like an off-duty pilot I once knew.

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Mark, I had not noticed before, but is that a gun?  A Rifle?  What exactly do you think you’ll be doing on this trip?  Snapping pictures and writing words, to be be sure… but hunting?  Is that for personal protection?  Poor Man. I believe these are the first people of color he has ever encountered… no wonder he is confused.

Is that Kaden as in Ka’-Den or Kah-Deen’?  I chooses the latter…  more exotic.  More in keeping with the mystery of the Dark Continent…  Kaden looks like he grew up wrestling Rhino.  Or judging by the whistle around his neck, refereeing matches…

And of course there’s “a problem.”  Where Trail goes trouble follows!

Well. Where do we begin?

I have to hand it to James Allen.  We are boldly going where Dodd and Elrod were loath to travel…

He will arrive on a noisy silver bird.  He will stand out from the crowd.  He will emanate his own light while carrying his own luggage…  His name is Mark Trail.

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But seriously…  How are we to regard the people in the first panel?  The Gentleman in the foreground, judging by his style of turban, has also come from a great distance- Like Northern India or Pakistan…  and what is the lady balancing on her head? A giant platter of hay?  For whom or what??  And center stage rear is a person astride a donkey, with another in tow…  Then there’s the guy in the airport… Hmmm… today I shall wear my best vest and fez… no shirt, just vest…  to meet my party at the airport… Is there a Shriner’s convention in town?

C’mon Cherry… Buck up girl…

Not like he hasn’t gone off before… although this time he needs a PASSPORT, which could be a first, since up until the 80’s and 90’s, a person could cross over to Canada and back with little more than a driver’s license…   And we know that Mark has been to Canada before to meet up with that rascal Johnny what’s-his-name (and his monstrous brood)…  the French Canadian owner of a fishing lodge…  But back to our story of the oh-so-sad Cherry Davis Trail.  Maybe she has cried before, but has suffered in silence and off camera.  In the Allen-age of Mark Trail, we get to see it all!!  Thought bubbles all around, everyone!!

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So while Cherry cries her little eyes out, Mark is probably chatting up a stewardess and flashing that big toothy grin of his.  He is relieved to be back in the zone- one where he can do what he does best.  Mark, we are with you, buddy!

Remember the days when Men wore Suits?

Nice, conservative suits with white shirts and rep ties?  Mark appears to have a closet full of them for just such occasions as would arise when needing to board an airplane…  We don’t see that much anymore.  Not even in elite class.  Comfort is everything for today’s traveler.  Thank you Mark for showing proper respect for what used to be a novel and  elite form of travel.  And it’s great that Andy and Doc came out to show Cherry support!  No Rusty though…  he was locked in his cage before they left for the airport, punishment for the “Oh boy, Mark, Can I go?!?” outburst yesterday.

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And is the plane in panel two really necessary? It’s way too close the terminal building, is pitched and yawed all wrong, and I can’t tell whether it’s coming or going…  I would say that the riskiest part of Mark’s trip lies not on the Dark Continent, but rather in the air… and riskier still would it be for him to spend one more night in his marriage bed!  Go Mark! Reclaim your soul!  Into the Heart of Darkness!!

OK I get it…

Yesterday Cherry only knew that a call from Editor Bill Ellis would take Mark away from Lost Forest… Today she learns that “away” means “Africa…”  Poor Little Lamb

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Oh Rusty…  Please.  But in this new world of James Allen’s Mark Trail (Not your Father’s or Mother’s Mark Trail, that’s for damn sure) one never knows what can happen next.  Established roles and mores have been tossed to the wind.  And besides, if Rusty doesn’t go, then he won’t have a chance to get kidnapped.  That’s his ultimate skill, by the way… I can see him now, all tied up and being held against his will by evil White Rhino poachers!!  And they are going to have black skin. The poachers that is, not the Rhinos…  thus introducing people of color into the strip for the first time… of course we had to go to freakin’ Africa to accomplish that…  because certainly there aren’t any people of color in the United States…

But will he call her this time… from AFRICA??

Rare has been the time that Mark actually checked in with the home front while out on assignment…  so wrapped up he gets in his work… that it probably doesn’t occur to him.  That, and every now and then Mark finds himself locked in a cooler or some such thing that would prevent him from making the call anyway…

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And Cherry, Really.  Can you be that sad?  That surprised?  Remember, this is what your man does, despite the weeks of (ahem…) action at Lost forest.  Consider this:  If Mark doesn’t get going on a bona fide adventure soon the future of the strip is in peril…  and your life as you know it will crumble to the stone foundation upon which your log house rests.  Sort of like the Truman Show, you probably don’t realize that you are all under constant surveillance, that your life only exists because people are watching you, can’t keep their eyes off of you, despite that they know that watching you all is slightly perverse and a colossal waste of time…

airline TICKETS???

Please let this be a connecting flight and not an indication that Mark is bringing his brood with him…  Nothing would spoil this party faster than Mark not being allowed to go off and do what he does… unfettered, unencumbered…

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My goodness, look at the passion on display in panel one.  Bill Ellis may have a desk job, but clearly he has the heart of an ecowarrior… Don’t let the blue blazer and horn rimmed glasses fool you- he has more passion and pluck contained in his left index finger than, well, one might imagine…

But mark what do you mean with that last comment?  Have you been holding out?  Mailing it in??? Have you been giving The Magazine only some fraction of your “best?”  Oh well, no matter, off you go!  Better get your shots up to date while you are at it.  Don’t want you laid out by malaria or Dengue Fever…

Yes I have heard of Jacob Hickman, too…

Or at least the Google has… he was a lineman for the Nebraska Cornhuskers and decided not to turn pro… Oscar the Otter is shocked by the news as well… is that his mother Mollie or did she get poached by Big Mike?  I forget now…

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How strange that Mark immediately assumes that it will be a phone interview… I don’t think that has EVER happened in his career.  Maybe Mark is (strangely and uncharacteristically) aware of the financial state of the print media industry and therefore is doubly surprised that Woods and Wildlife would spring for a trip to AFRICA… (all right- cue the music- Toto’s AFRICA…the only song EVER to include a reference to Kilimanjaro and rhyme the word Serengeti…  )  Hurry boys, she’s waiting there for you…

Bill Ellis, chill out, man…

I am pretty sure that Bill and Mark are in the same time zone…  and I always picture Bill Ellis’ office to be somewhere on Madison Avenue in NYC… not on tony Park Avenue, but a block over.  Not low rent but not high either.  This is after all a PRINT Magazine we are talking about here…  and unless it’s part of some conglomerate like Condé Nast, it’s probably limping along financially…  But here’s my point:  either Bill Ellis is putting in ridiculous hours at the office, or he is at home, spoiling the dinner hour taking Mark’s call on his -what- Walkie Talkie??  He still doesn’t seem to know how to hold or use a smart phone- and is still all suited up like he is at work- c’mon Bill, throw on a smoking jacket or something.  Relax, dude…

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Such a look from our hero…  Bill has hit the trip-wire in the Trail-brain, that’s for sure…  first West African Black Rhino, now the White!!  This injustice has to stop!  And who is better equipped to undo generational poverty and black marketeering in sub-Saharan Africa than our own MARK TRAIL?!?  Pack your bags, Mark, you are going on safari!

yes… “COUNTLESS Articles on POACHING…”

Are you trying to say something here, Bill Ellis??  Like that’s ALL he writes about, and MAYBE he could try another angle this time??  Is James Allen taking a shot at his own strip?  Funny.

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But it’s like they don’t know each other- Not “Hey Bill, Mark here…” but rather “Bill Ellis, This is Mark Trail!”  Mark seems disappointed in panel three that Bill only considers his seminal piece on the West Africa Black Rhino as “good…”  “C’mon Bill, I was on fire!  That was my best work!” Mark’s face seems to say…

Well, it looks like Mark might be off somewhere…  Thank goodness.

Really, Mark? What exactly WAS the last story you filed??

We never get to see Mark hunched over his typewriter, bullet sweat flying off his brow, pencil clenched in his teeth, trying to make a deadline to get his story into the next issue of Woods and Wildlife magazine…  Or is it hunched over his laptop, connected to the magazine through a high-speed satellite internet connection…  we HAVE seen laptops and flat screen TV’s in the Trailverse…

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But oh thank goodness! A trip!!  A chance to renew himself and his fists with the outside world…  Our strange Odyssey into the world of “Mark Loves Cherry” can soon become a distant (and fleeting?) memory…

Mark Trail is acting like a teenager…

But can you blame him?  I mean for how many decades has he been drawn, suffocating and not allowed to be a man…

And there HE is… RUSTY.  He looks like he has grown up a bit, not the scary, shape-shifting little sprite out of our worst dreams… He almost looks human…

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One thing sure hasn’t changed, though.  Bad, random, non-sequitur dialogue.  Mark offers up “I left my cell phone in the house!” Cherry responds that she “didn’t hear is ringing!”  What?  Like your phone rings off the hook, at night?  Whatever…  Careful there Mark, you know that this is how babies are made, don’t you??

Mush and Bilge Water…

As the cranky hermit crab from The incredible Mr limpet (Starring Don Knotts as an animated fish amongst live actors) would say…  These two need to get a room, or at least box seats at Target Field and get caught in the Kissing-Cam…

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Are we done yet?  That’s all you get Cherry!  Let’s head home!!  For what?!?  I don’t even want to imagine…

Breaking News!

It’s THE BEAR!  THE WOUNDED BEAR!  I thought it was in Doc’s care and custody!  Ranger Dusty! Gather your men!!

The Bear

Possibly wounded bear eludes police, DNR agents in Savage on Page B1 of Friday, May 30, 2014 issue of Star Tribune