And my, how perceptive you are, Carina, to pick up on the fact that Mark is a “Traditionalist…”  Not quite a misogynistic asshole, but fairly narrow in his thinking…  and would sooner have you make him flapjacks and pour him coffee as save his ass from a close scrape…

But let’s try to think a few moves ahead here, shall we?  This is not a video game where we are trying to save a princess and if we fail we get to hit the re-start button and give it another go…  What’s on the other side of the chasm, other than more depth, darkness (wait- we still seem to be bathed in natural light for some reason) and despair?  If we are talking probabilities, then what are we relying on to point us further in the direction we are going?  We are fixated on a flimsy land bridge that offers no more assurance than if we just curled up in a fetal position and decided to call it a life…

But then again, we need to move our story ahead.  And standing and talking is no way to do that- so onward!  Or to borrow the Wisconsin state motto, “FORWARD!”

And no, Mark, Gabe doesn’t “know what <you> mean…” Al he “knows” is that your steady, guiding hand has led them further and further away from the light and toward a murky and anonymous death…

And we have seen that look on Gabe’s face before… Have we run out of “looks?” Do we have to be recycling already??  I guess we do…

And by working “together,” Mark, you mean what??

Or perhaps it’s A Bridge Too Far…  Literally the retelling of the Battle of Arnhem which resulted in the decimation of the British 1st Airborne Division…  and a decisive victory for the German Army in WWII.

Why should we cross, Mark?  To what end?  What about Gabe?  The arch has been reduced to a pencil-thin collection of stones, held precariously by the same forces that have held churches up for millennia… but still…

Yup… not lookin’ too good for our intrepid travelers…  does Cherry feel anything during times like this- when all seems lost, doomed beyond the point of hope?  Doubt it.  She’s got her cashiering job at the local Wal*Mart, and what could be better?  OK, I have no idea what Cherry is up to at this moment, but it might be more exciting than what we are witnessing here…  some kind of tryst, some dangerous liaison, anything… right?

So as the roof continues to crumble down on top of the trio, we are all wishing and hoping for sweet release- either crush and bury them or get them the hell out of there so they can assist the border patrol in stopping the illegal flow of immigrants…  Or help the Coyotes, I don’t really care which.

And I don’t blame him!  Seriously.  Trapped.  Underground.  No way out with millions of Metric tons of the earth’s crust bearing down on your head… if Mark Trail wasn’t blessed to have this Strip named after him, I’d say they were all done-for…

So with eyes shut and head down, Gabe lights off in the general direction of “back…” wherever that is… through the tiny crevice, down the slope that Mark haul his ass up, and back to the mouth of the cave where they have a small chance of digging their way to freedom.  Did we really think Mark’s plan was going to work??  Every other time, of late, some Federal Agency has (literally) swooped in, deus-ex-machina-style and resolved the “situation…” In a sealed cave, no one can hear you scream…

In related news, White Nose Syndrome (remember that??) is ravaging the bat population in Northern MN, my home state!

Please see Devastating disease reaches state’s bats on Page A1 of Thursday, March 10, 2016 issue of Star Tribune

Well, unless the earthquake-inspired cave-in created an opening to the sky, our hero’s fortunes have taken yet another turn for the worse…  Or at least they won’t have to tempt fate by trying to walk across the “bridge…”  and unless Carina and Gabe are equally lucky to have not been buried in the rubble, Mark may be on his own here…

“The Bridge!” he calls out, as if it were an old friend… as if he knew that it would have led him to safety, which of course he does not… so with a mighty “CROCK” (haven’t heard/seen that one before) that option is taken away from our party…

I have to introduce a new concept- the ‘Tedium-Meter.’  Sort of like the ‘Fun-Meter’ as in, “Well, my Fun-Meter has pegged… We can go now…” The T-M is invoked when a story line is not moving along sufficiently fast…  and this Cave Odyssey is definitely in the Red-zone…

AK-47’s, bundles of dynamite, sliver-tight crevices, and now an earthquake…  In the words of Samuel L Jackson, “Hold onto your butts…”

But maybe the “ceiling” will come done such that it opens up to the sky… but it would be too lucky to have that happen and not bury anyone in the process…  ceiling- is that what we call the cave surface above us but below ground?  Sure, ceiling is fine, but consider that from another perspective it creates a sinkhole– if the collapse extends to the surface…  and could be their ticket out.

That’s right, Gabe, you take the first stroll across the rock bridge- being held up by what appears to be a couple of strategically placed (by Nature of course) keystones… one wrong move, one slip and you would never to be heard from again!  Except for your scream as you fall further and further down into the blackness…

As much as I like to dis Mr. Allen about his dialogue, here’s proof that it’s harder that it looks… Seeing the varied expressions this morning inspired me to do a bit of editing, but I have to admit it’s a weak attempt at best…

Take your best shot, people…

Earthquake, huh?  Let’s re-orient ourselves, shall we??  We are supposedly in the Chihuahuan Desert in West Texas…

And it certainly appears that there are active fault lines running throughout the area… so I give this a rating of ‘plausible‘ to ‘likely…’

There are even a couple of 6.0 magnitude quakes on the map, so who knows…  Can we blame this on the fracking going on in Oklahoma?  Probably!

And once again, let me remind all of us that we are UNDERGROUND.  Sorry, I can’t get over that…  it’s almost like there is a lighting crew following them around… sort of like how nervous should we really get with all these “man vs. nature” shows and documentaries when it’s quite clear they are dragging an entire film crew around with them…

And unless the ledge ending is somehow at their feet and out of sight, I don’t see where it actually does…  And it’s Carina taking the lead and describing the situation and Mark sharing his “feelings,” bad or otherwise.  Reminds me of one of my favorite scenes… Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets…” I’m drowning here and you’re describing the water…“

Ha, ha…  Yea, and what about all those bats?  I am beginning to think that they don’t even exist…  if nothing else they would be pointing to a way out of this…

Nice finger, though, Gabe.  Not stubby like Donald Trump’s…  OK, kids… I have (mostly I think) avoided Presidential Politics in my ministrations… but really?  This is what it comes down to?  With the fate of the Free World hanging in the balance we can only talk about Marco’s ears and Donald’s fingers??  And other school-yard jabs?  I forced myself to watch some of the “highlights” from last night’s “debate,” and I had to stop after 3 minutes.  This is is embarrassing.  We are about to nominate a Narcissist and a Bully on one side? And a Liar and Criminal on the other?  We know that many  of our Presidents throughout history were (are??) damaged people.  We have come to expect this to a certain degree.  Maybe the only saving aspect of a Trump candidacy and presidency is that he wears it all on his sleeve without apology…  Sorry, but I think that is a slim consolation…  But as Esquire has pointed out (and when, btw, did that magazine become so incredibly left-leaning??) According to them, on the Republican side, it’s come down to a choice between Ted Cruz and a Vulgar Talking Yam…

Still bathed is plenty of natural light of unknown origin, our intrepid travelers forge ahead… this time on a “slight ledge…”  Mark is looking inappropriately cheerful as he suggests that it might lead “around to the other side!”  Other side of what, Mark?  Please… everything you have suggested so far has driven this party deeper underground and further and further from any hope… Carina is game, but only because she has fallen under your spell… but even she is starting to realize the hopelessness of the situation.

Meanwhile in the third Panel, it appears that all this work has caused Gabe to slim down considerably!  He could probably make it “back through that narrow passage” if he wanted to… And of course the situation has to become even more dire with the entry (stage left) of some no-doubt venomous eight-legged creature… Arachnid Ho!

Yes, let’s see how deep this thing is… And Mark, are you planning to take into account Terminal Velocity in computing time and distance relative to counting Mississippi’s?  Sort of like counting the time between a lightning flash and the related Thunder??

Carina, as with all women in the Trail-verse is filling her role nicely in panel three… providing the “Oh Lawdy-Lawd” expression when things are going particularly well, or not…  Again, Gabe will not even get a nod for supporting actor in this whole debacle… more like Supporting Foil- providing needed contrast for Mark Trail- men of men…

Bones, I bet.  Piles of bones.  El Cueva del Muerto… again, no thanks… I’ll stay top-side if you don’t mind.  Buried Alive.  Like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill… Where she had to punch her way through a pine box buried under (thankfully) sandy and loamy soil.  But still.  Or Uncle Duke in the Doonesbury re-runs of late…

So yes, Mark, take the flashlight… because you are clearly the only one who could properly assess the situation… but it’s my job (again) to remind us all that you were the one that suggested the current course of action that seems to be leading to nowhere but bad… or worse.

With her left hand suggestively on Mark’s right shoulder, and his left had still holding “the pick,” they are left with another quandary…  forge ahead into the darkness (let’s hope that Ol’ Gabe was able to squirrel the equipment bag, complete with the flashlight, along with his fat arse, through the last crevice …) and “see” what the future might hold. Or perhaps stop moving long enough to consider other options- like going back to the entrance to start digging your way out… Mr. Coyote is long gone and has left you all for dead anyway…

But no doubt there is a bit of Natural little known fact, Cave Whimsy, if you will, that will be produced by either Mark or Carina that will save them all… Heaven knows it won’t be Gabe (offering up his so-far typical “What do we do now!?”) or involve bats, white-nosed or otherwise, given that we haven’t seen a single one since entering the cave system…

Before we get to what Carina has “found,”  check the comment from greendoglichen – I added it to yesterday’s post…

A huge cavern, you say?  Like the one in Disney’s Aladdin?  The Cave of Wonders?? So it opens up into a huge cavern… not sure that helps, sweetheart, what you are seeking has more to do with not being complete surrounded by earth- we need a little sky in the mix.

Yeah, so, c’mon, Gabe, skinny yourself down and get over here…  the loverly Carina has found something… a large opening with still more natural light!  Bathing her in such a way as to reveal her hardbody sixpack!  Do you think she uses 7 minute abs?  And remember- it’s 7 minute abs… not 6…

… a way out.  Never mess with the Trail…  Never doubt the Trail.  The Trail knows all and sees all and will lead you on the, um… Trail.

What is it, Carina?!? Is it a Pretty Pink Pony pooping rainbow glitter?  Is it your long lost father who left you when you were but a child, memories of him faint as the dog-eared, black-and-white photo of him and you, hugging his leg and him, with that far-away, thousand mile stare that suggested he’d rather be anywhere but there??  It’s really good that you take care of your brow-line, even though you have committed your life to the study of cave ecosystems, because one never knows when that close-up will be taken- when your face will fill the frame and we can see every last pore and detail.  Well done, Carina, well done.

from greendoglichen:

I know what it is!! Carina sees shadows on the wall and immediately relates it to Greek philosopher Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, a theory concerning human perception. Plato claimed that knowledge gained through the senses is no more than opinion and that, in order to have real knowledge, we must gain it through philosophical reasoning. Carina has been enlightened by the truth! Mark Trail, behold the man!

Thanks, Greendog, clearly I am appealing to an educated lot not afraid to think critically and expose themselves to knowledge… I certainly learned something!!

Take my hand and I will make you 100 lbs lighter, just like that!  Have you seen my line of juicers??  Best on the market- a snap to clean up and recommended by 2 out of 3 doctors surveyed… never mind that the one ‘Doc’ that declined is my Father-in-law…

So as Gabe goes into full blown panic over being caught in an underground trap, (hey- I can relate…) Mark is doing his best to make sure he doesn’t completely lose it…  But seriously, you are talking about physical reality, not a matter of will.  Gabe’s too big to fit through these crevices and Heaven knows where they even lead!!  To smaller and smaller crevices!!

Meanwhile here’s a lovely story about a young medical student who dies after getting stuck in an “18-inch-wide by 10-inch-high crevice” replete with a warning sign that reads “Do not squeeze into anything that you might not be able to squeeze out of.”  Never mind that cavers are crazy… apparently they aren’t grammarians either…

…he’s not going to make it… sort of like when Winnie the Pooh went visiting at Rabbit’s “Howse,” ate all the Honey and then got stuck in the “door” on the way out… and Pooh had to go on a fast in order to lose enough weight so that Christopher Robin and all the others could pull him out… during which time Rabbit, always the practical one, used Pooh’s legs as a “towel horse…*” If ever there was a cautionary tale warning against gluttony and lack of self control, this is it…

 So, meanwhile Mark is trying to keep everyone’s spirits up, encouraging the impossible, not willing to admit that he is leading them further and further away from the only way out… the way they came in…  and I seem to recall that someone offered up that  idea at the beginning of their dilemma…  But Mark had other ideas…

 * “We’ll read to you,” said Rabbit cheerfully. “And I hope it won’t snow,” he added. “And I say, old fellow, you’re taking up a good deal of room in my house–do you mind if I use your back legs as a towel-horse?  Because, I mean, there they are–doing nothing–and it would be very convenient just to hang the towels on them.”

…no offense… and it’s a synch that Gabe gets left behind… as the passage narrows…

So as Carina’s nose is reduced to two dots on her now lizard-like face, (shape-shifting to adapt?) she’s having trouble deflating her bosom or backside, which could become a real liability in such cramped quarters… As she “takes the lead” and forges ahead into the uncharted cave system, what are the chances that it will actually lead to an exit?  Slim and none, I’d say…  This discussion of Caving suggests that the best way out is the way in…  and it’s still beyond me why anyone would voluntarily do this as an avocation …  I mean, please… look at this dude-

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I will voluntarily go where others will not… because??

As Mark and Carina leave Gabe in the dust, with his equipment bag containing the flashlight, they continue to be surrounded by luminescence, or perhaps it’s the glow of their burgeoning relationship, and hence have no need for stinkin’ flashlights…

Who are you kidding, Mark??  I guess you must think that everyone gets shot at everywhere they go… you are on a bit of a roll, here, sir…  the most recent one being the little trip you took to Florida coast where you ran into Dr. Evil’s cousin, bent on world domination…  And Mark, thanks for letting us and Carina know that you are only teasing- I would suspect that it’s difficult for her (as well as your audience) to know when you are applying literary devices…  like euphemism, irony and sarcasm…

So as the “passage tightens,” and we are trying to not take that to mean more that it should, we are left to wonder, again, where is this all going?  What will they find?  This is the Cave of the Dead, after all…