I mean, what would his doctor say after he sees how Big Mike fills out the clipboard survey at his annual physical?  Drink?  Constantly.  Smoke? Yup.  Weight? Lots…

“Gaaah!  Trail has FRIENDS??? Who knew?  Geez, Frankie, What do we do now?  He’s probably not even stiff yet…  and you did take care of his car, didn’t you?”  At least Big Mike has changed out of his Pink shirt into a slightly more manly red one…  or perhaps the pink one faded on him… who does his laundry anyway, I wonder, and hasn’t that person ever heard of washing bright colors together in COLD water?  And won’t Jason be disappointed when he realizes he will never be Mark’s “friend” since he doesn’t have “Ol’” on front of his name or isn’t called “Bluegill” or some other such silly nature related nickname…