Well I’ll tell you what could…  Readers of this strip will surely recall what a flock of flying geese can do to a Helicopter called in to help put out a fire!  But I am sure that there is a TC on the island game for a little run to a abandoned atoll…And how many of you got the Magnum PI reference without clicking?  Extra points if you did!!

So as Editor Bill Ellis continues to keep his talent feeling important by offering another, much cooler, option, he continues to recover from PTICS (Post Traumatic Insurance Claim Stress) and can now rest easy that Mark will be a mere passenger in someone else’s craft, limiting his exposure to financial loss.  Of course he can only hope that the charter company has really great insurance, and that something happens to Mark, upon which time he could file a claim against that company!!  Makes me wonder if they have a policy on Mark himself in order that they might profit from his demise???  hmmm…  I should give Bill a call.  Of course we know that Mark is invincible and that the policy would never pay off.

Who knew that we could ever get so much mileage out of an insurance-themed discussion?!  And how many of you know that it was Ben Franklin that started the first fire insurance company in the new world?  The Philadelphia Contributorship… in 1752.  Keep coming back, kids… You can observe a lot by watching!

Remember Mark Wahlberg (I mean, he’s still around and all…) but remember how he got his start as a Calvin Klein Underwear model?  20 feet tall on Times Square??  Well, he’s got nothing on our Mark!  I think that James Allen likes to draw boats and the human form.  Mark has never looked more fit and trim…

And who the heck are you, Editor Bill Ellis?  Last I checked it was a free country and boat rentals, while maybe not mentioned in the Bill of Rights, are certainly not excluded…  And unless word has gotten out about what an awful risk Mark is, he should have no issues renting a boat on his own dime…  Or apparently a helicopter on the company dime…  we’ll see where this goes…

OK, I think we’ve milked this as much as we can… so as we leave this chapter, called “In Which Mark tries to Rent a Boat and Bill says No!” we can look forward to his figuring out another way to ruin his vacation…  not to mention the landscape.  For a supposed naturalist, Mark tends to leave a pretty heavy footprint…

Poor Bill Ellis!  He doesn’t realize that he IS in one of those “Serial Comics…”  He thinks he’s real!  Sort of like Buzz Lightyear thinking that he is actually a “Guardian of the Galaxy” and not a child’s plaything…

So as reality continues to set in on The Trail, and as his “vacation” with Cherry is blowing up like the rental boats of yore, Mark is still determined to “get the story…”  Oh, I know, why don’t you (as was suggested by faithful reader Daniel P.) ask Abbey to come around and pick you up in her ocean going dingy?

I know that you are perpetually 32 years old, but you are acting like an 8 year old who didn’t get his BB-gun for Christmas…  so with Cherry’s chortle still ringing in his ears, Mark is dealing with the fact that he got denied.  This probably hasn’t happened in the entire history of the Mark Trail Comic Strip…  When has Mark ever heard the word “No?”  Never.  Not to my knowledge, anyway…

So with Mark’s Lizard brain wracked in confusion, he’ll have to get creative.  Let’s see what kind of drive he has- or whether the right side of his brain has any juice whatsoever…

Consequences!  I love it!  Eat that, Mark!!  Mark is absolutely incredulous in panel two… and the pile of paperwork I had earlier supposed and the burden it has placed on the Magazine (and not to mention our usually game editor) are also true…

So dig into your own wallet, Mark, if you can find it…  or get creative, at least.  You can get to the island… Just find a local charter and pay the freight, if this is so important for you… Your days of just picking up the phone, calling the Magazine and getting what you want are over.  Join the 21st century where expenses are tight and boondoggles, especially ones that possibly end in large insurance claims, are frowned upon…

This is actually kind of funny.  Tune in tomorrow, gang, when Editor Bill Ellis suffers an aneurysm…  Or perhaps, like Inspector Clouseau’s superior, Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus, he will develop a permanent nervous tic based on all the mayhem Mark creates…

Note the many things going on here… and not…  Editor Bill Ellis is out on the veranda again, when the building clearly has no verandas…  Note that Mark is saying “I” and not “We” when he talks about meeting up with Abbey… sorry, Cherry.  And unless you count female graduates from Ohio Wesleyan University, there tends to be -0- diversity in this strip. I was just struck by the whiteness of the pallet in today’s  offering.

I also ask, where is the evil?  Where is the poaching and the looting and the cheating?  Who is Mark going to get to punch?  A couple of skeletons formerly known to us as “Honey and Darling?”  We saw where White Nose Syndrome took us… on an interminable stretch underground.  Right now I don’t have high hopes for this story line either…

Maybe it’s just the hour of the day and I haven’t quite woken up yet, but it seems like the Hearst Tower in the second panel is a bit off kilter…  hmmm, ever thought of the word kilter? Whether one could use it alone, without the modifier ‘off’ or ‘out of?’  Well it turns out (according to The Google Machine) that the very definition of the word means to be out of balance or harmony…

so to say that one is off or out of kilter suggests a double negative (always dangerous) and therefore “in” kilter?  Or simply kilter or kiltered?  hmmm spell check doesn’t like that last one…

But the Merriam Webster Official Scrabble Dictionary gives it 10 points, suggests it means “good condition,” and can be plural.  Good to know…

Anyway, as Mark regales Editor Bill Ellis with tales of Stories Written in the Past and current whereabouts, a Snowy Owl makes its appearance in the big apple.  Seems a bit out of kilter, there as well…  Peregrine Falcons have been know to take up housekeeping in our larger cities, but owls?  And aren’t they by nature nocturnal?  Hmmm… something is certainly amiss here…  And there’s that mouthful again- the IUFCNWCC…which we have established as being real, but is in serious need of re-branding.

Look at him!  He is positively beaming talking to Editor Bill Ellis… and about invasive species.  And by the way- is it Spee-sees, or is it Spe-shees?  Sort of like Grocer or Grosher, as is Grocery (Groshery?) store where one buys food.  But I digress…

And speaking of invasive species, look at what the Falcon picked up!  A mouse or a rat or something… even though pigeons and other fowl are an urban Falcon’s more natural prey…

…and thanks to ecully773 who pointed out that the building is question, the home of Woods and Wildlife magazine, is the Hearst Tower in Midtown Manhattan…

I also continue t wonder if Abbey Powell gets anything out of this other than growing name recognition… If I were her I would be!  it was cute and fun to start with, but now it could become a professional liability, especially if she ever wanted to leave the USDA… but of course why would she want to do that?  Wheat with it bringing her fame and (perhaps) fortune and all…

If ever there’s a throw-back element to the Trail-verse, it is Bill Ellis… count among them the fact that he is always dressed in a suit and tie, that the Magazine offices are ensconced in a Manhattan skyscraper (read Time-Life Building…) and that the Magazine appears to be thriving are things that we just don’t see anymore in Magazine-dom…   But today we see Editor Bill Ellis really dressed down… In fact I don’t know whether we have ever seen his neck like this- kind of creepy- unless of course we go way back to a time when he and mark were on a fishing trip aboard the rich publisher’s yacht down in Florida and were mistaken for two rich, ransom-worthy fellows… and were subsequently kidnapped.  But that predates my efforts here on these pages, so I might be a little hard-pressed to link us there…  but here it is!  Thanks Josh at Comics Curmudgeon!

But when exactly did Mark have time to write his 20,000 word expose on white nose syndrome?  No sooner did he make it from the Rio Grande to Lost Forest and they were jetting to Hawaii! Oh well, we shouldn’t dwell on such timeline inconsistencies…  we have to maintain appearances…

In an unrelated vein, I sent the following to my local newspaper opinion page…  I know that there are more needlesome issues at play in the word, but since they are not likely to print it, I wanted to share:

I v. me

I’ve been told that it’s a heavy burden I carry.  Proper usage of  the English language-  and bristling and recoiling when I hear or read passages that are not properly constructed.  The sad thing is that I see it everywhere, perpetrated by people who ought to know better, people who are paid a salary to write and speak properly.  No greater offense exists than when the first person singular pronoun ‘I’ is used in place of ‘me.’  A subjective pronoun acts as the subject of a sentence—it performs the action of the verb. The subjective pronouns are he, I, it, she, they, we, and you. An object pronoun is a personal pronoun that is used typically as a grammatical object: the direct or indirect object of a verb, or the object of a preposition. Object pronouns contrast with subject pronouns. The object pronouns are me, you, him, her, it, us and them.  ‘Jimmy and I are going to the store.’  ‘She is going to the store with Jimmy and me.’  Would we ever say ‘She is going to the store with I?’  I think not.  Think about it, people.

Where have we heard that before?  And this time he is adding a finger wag for good measure…  Guess what Mark, while you have a case for The Swan in the Great Dismal story line, your last outing with Mississippi Ken and the missing Cobalt 60 is totally your fault… you unloaded a flare into the leaking fuel of the cigarette boat…  in an effort to “slow down” the bad guys… when you could have elected to simply out-run them!  But what’s the fun in that??

and my… what BIG EYES you have in panel one, Cherry.  You’re a real heart-melter…  Sensing that you might have hurt the big guy’s feelings, you go all Bambi on him… well done.  And by panel three, with Mark’s full understanding of the “joke,” his confidence is restored!  What would he do without you, Cherry?  Why do you put up with him??  OK, don’t answer that.

…and the joke is him…  It would seem that his obtuse-ness has survived the passing of the torch from Elrod to Allen.  For those of you new to all this, or maybe haven’t been keeping score, it’s Mark 2, really-expensive-rental-boats-paid-for-by-The Magazine zero… zilch… nada.  So naturally Cherry finds this entire notion extremely funny, in a polite, tee- hee- hee way, not a rude guffaw sort of way…  but still.  Mark, perhaps you’d be better served by finding a charter or a tour that would take you there…  I have to say though, that face in panel 3 is a new one for Mark… probably because he’s never been challenged before, never had his plans actually questioned…

Lets also consider Cherry.  And her neck.  Is it me, or did it get longer in panel 1?  I suppose it had to in order to fit the speech balloon underneath her chin.  But her head just seems to be perched unnaturally on top of it.  Sort of like a golf ball on a tee…

Strange too that Cherry isn’t putting up a fuss over Mark’s apparent desire to go off and “work” on their “vacation…” Perhaps that comes later…

That’s w w w <dot> h u n g r y p e s t s <dot> c o m <forwardslash> t h e <dash> t h r e a t <forwardslash> i m p o r t e d <dash> f i r e <dash> a n t <dot> p h p…

Seriously?  And I’m quite sure that anyone that is inclined to move firewood from one locale to another (or hay bales for that matter) is going to somehow know to go to this website and check out the threat.  Abbey, you need to get a life.  Not to mention you, Mark…

So, to hell with any “vacation” that was planned, or even underway, for crying out loud…  Mark is on the case!  I hope Bill Ellis (editor of Woods and Wildlife magazine) tells Mark to simmer down and enjoy his vacation… and besides, Mark, do you really “work for” the magazine, or is it that you “do work for” this magazine?  Big difference…  I have always assumed that you are in a free-lance, contractor role, not a W-2 with benefits kind of thing…

…and I was fairly justified in my earlier comment regarding bill color, etc.  Here’s a lovely shot of what is a rather strange looking animal.

But OH MY!!  Isn’t Mark fired up!  “FIRE ANTS?!?  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC?!?  HOW?!?”   Good lord, Mark, it’s not as if she’s found a new colony of aboriginal man…  Can you all just see Cherry rolling her eyes?  Well, she’s probably used to it by now.  That’s her man…  Does his best to show affection (more than ever under James Allen’s pen) but is still really only turned on by a good nature mystery…

So as Abbey and Mark geek out over Fire Ants, we are left to wonder what’s just out of the frame in the lower left…  some vague reference to a John Carpenter film is what we know at this point.  And for those of you new to this madness, not the first time this device has been employed- recall the Great Dismal Swamp adventure?  The bad guys who piloted the boat that was a dead ringer for Shaw’s boat in the movie Jaws?  Well, that boat was named “BRUCE,” which happened to be the name of the mechanical shark used in the filming…

As Cherry dangles Mark’s phone over the pool’s edge, clearly she’s not risk averse… And of course in the James Allen Trailverse, that’s not the only thing (or things) that are dangling in panel one…  But of course Mark is seeing none of that and can’t wait to get on the phone with Abbey!  The phrase “Invasive Species” is all he hears, his ticket out of the pool and away from his wife…

So with an enthusiasm not shown toward anything Cherry wanted to do, Mark engages with Abby to find out more about what happening on the nearby atoll.  Let’s consider for a moment (at least so far) how seemingly incompatible they are with each other-

“Hey Cherry, want to paddleboard?”  “No, I’ll stay here and drink”

“Mark, Honey, look at all these cool excursions we could take!”  <<silence>>  <<ring, ring>> “Answer the Phone, Cherry”

So the question is now whether Cherry goes along with Mark…

…the proof is in the pudding, or something like that…  As the camera pans back to reveal a wreck of some kind, the “Elizabeth Dane,” or so it appears… A quick peak back to the “two years ago” segment does not show that the Yacht had a name, or that there was very much wood in its construction, so who knows what this all means.

But is the Pelican real?  It almost looks like a casting of some kind…   Pelican bills are normally orange, or at least not white…

Wow, it almost sounds credible…  C’mon Abbey come clean.  You just want to lure the Trail to an island paradise for a little extended “field work…” and now your plan is foiled because he’s already there… with his wife!!  I’m guessing that Abbey is on Kauai as well, otherwise, unless they all have sat phones, they probably wouldn’t be talking…   But what do I know…  probably a SIM card that allows for that these days…  and according to lonelyplanet.com, one need only dial 1-808 and the number and you are good to go, island to island!

OK, but now for the elephant in the room…  perspective or not, Cherry is an amazon!  She’s got to be 7 feet tall in that picture if she’s an inch.  It’s unnatural.  Like her head has been plopped onto an extraterrestrial or something…   a buff, leggy extraterrestrial, but still…

I’m starting to think that we aren’t going to find the skeletal remains of Honey and Darling though… their contribution to this whole story is the fact that they carted firewood onto the island, complete with fire ants, and within a two year time span managed to upset an entire ecosystem…

Uhhh, right.  You’re an “Agent” of the USDA, you’ve stumbled upon an invasive species situation in our 50th state, and your first call is Mark Trail!  OK, maybe not your first call, but the fact that you would call him at all is hilarious…

Nice scowl on Cherry in panel one!  We can just hear (and maybe should be seeing, given the medium) the icicles hanging off the dialogue!  But really?  “Mark Trail’s office?”  Ha!  Who’s kidding whom, here??  And the fact that Abbey assumed/knew that it was Cherry answering the phone!  Double-ha!!

I’m not sure that Cherry and Abbey ever actually met, at least on “on camera…” I thumbed through the “Leave it to Beaver” story arc (which by the way moved fairly quickly compared to the Cave Odyssey, but then using that as a standard so did the formation of the Rocky mountain range…) and don’t see where the two actually met…  If I’m wrong here, please let me know!

Such a scowl on your face in panel three!  But how exactly do you propose that people know when you are on vacation and when you are not?  Your entire life is devoid of schedules, responsibility, deadlines, and answering to anyone other than yourself.  That, for most people, defines “Vacation…”  And why, pray tell, do you have your phone with you and turned on?  Only to ensure that your “vacation” with Cherry will be interrupted, which is your most fervent wish anyway… rather than go on all the excursions that Cherry is contemplating as she rifles through the pamphlets!

Is it me, or does Mark look like Andy Kaufman in Panel two?  You know, the comedian that played “Latka”on the show “Taxi” from the 70’s?

Cherry, you are lit, girl.  Look at you!  And all the brochures!  Don’t you know that it’s the excursions that will get you?  They lure you to a tropical paradise, even an all-inclusive with watered-down drinks, for next to nothing, and the next thing you know you are spending hundreds a day getting bused around to look at monkeys and ruins and what-not…  Not that there’s anything wrong with what-not, but please be careful to avoid sticker shock upon checking out!

Ah, saved by the bell!  No doubt an “old friend” of Mark’s catching up to him on vacation- that will now drive a wedge between what was planned and what will now actually happen.  We needed something to happen, because watching Mark and Cherry on vacation would not be very exciting!

“That was a close call!” Mark can now exclaim aloud as he breaks the water’s surface.  Paddleboard?  Check.  Paddle?  Life Preserver?  Who knows… they should appear magically by tomorrow…

As Mark puts hairs numbered 12,345 and 23,456 back in place, and as a Manta Ray glides quickly away, we are reminded (again) that Nature is as Nature does… that we, as land dwellers, are merely guests in this watery world.  Oceans cover 70% of the globe.  Hiding vast mountain ranges and life forms…  Think about that… we have marveled at this for centuries, not being sure what lay at the horizon…  imagine living in a world limited by your ability to see and perhaps walk, slowly, to test your boundaries…  in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t that long ago…  a couple of ticks of the epochal clock.