Skulking around in a subterranean cavern with sharp objects jutting out of the floor and ceiling?  Hot as Hades, no apparent connection with the blue sky above?  What made this an attractive option in the first place?  So Mark the Alpha takes the lead again and suggests (loudly) that they get the heck out of there…

It’s really cool how Mark and Carina can finish each other’s thoughts now… heck they have been tested in the Octagon of Nature, Mother Earth’s Crucible, so it’s only a matter of time before they start to get inappropriate…

“But Mark, you are a Married Man…”

“Oh it’s really just a marriage of convenience… My readership is largely from the south and they were getting all up in arms over the fact that Cherry and I had been sharing a roof without the formality of a ring… we have an ‘arrangement.’ Who knows what she does when I am away…”

Does placing your large hand on your square jaw help you come up with these inane thoughts?  Yes, gypsum is used in Sheetrock (an also tofu, for that matter…) but it’s not mined in crystalline form, but rather found in sedimentary rock formations…

Your knowledge of the commercial world is fairly wanting Mr. Trail, but then you’ve never really had to pay for the roof over your own head… a living off expense account and the largess of your father in law has left you wholly unaware of what it takes to turn a profit…

Mark, why don’t you and the Cub Pack head back to the opening of the sinkhole?  At least there you have open sky and a WWI (or II) Biplane to ponder… If you are frustrated and bored by the crystal cave, imagine how we must feel!

And where are the Feds when you need them?  In the past they have always arrived in the nick of time, whether threatened by forest fires or evil, megalomaniacal kingpins bent on acquiring radioactive material, we saw our precious tax dollars being spent to save your sorry ass…

But Mark is never too frustrated to crouch and point and remark on the wonder of Nature… “Wow, a forty-footer,” he exclaims…

OK Kids, sorry I bailed on you yesterday… but I have to bring a couple of  comments to the surface:

From Faithful Reader George:

Maybe this pointless, extended sidebar is really background “research” for a class paper for one of Allen’s grand kids and he doesn’t want to be accused of simply writing it for the kiddo! Or maybe Allen has just lost it a lot earlier than Dodd or Elrod!
By the way! I’m now using exclamation points for all of my sentences, just like Mark Trail! If comic strips had audio, they would all sound like infomercial talent!

Or from Greendog:

A new addition to Mark Trail’s resume … human thermometer.

So… Let’s return to the “story…”  as Carina continues to instruct Mark on “Geothermal Processes,” Gabe is getting himself tangled up in the crystal maze…  is he coming or going?  What the hell is he doing?!  And for that matter why is Mark talking about “looking for a way out,” when he had spotted one a while back in the Sinkhole??  Or was the “passage” he pointed to what led to the crystal maze?  I guess so…  Hang on everyone, we are going to be underground at least through Memorial Day…

Ah, a mere tick of the geological clock- it’s probably been “cooling” for a million years or so… Good thing they stumbled upon this formation when it was set on simmer and not roast…

…and the lesson continues… what they have stumbled upon here (presumably in Texas…) is not as hot or damp as the Mexican Cave of Crystals, but appears to generate crystals of like size and kind. This beggars belief as nature, chemistry and science follow strict rules of their own and I would imagine that the magnitude of said crystals are directly correlated tot he conditions found in the womb that brings them forth…

Mark looks pissed as Carina is clearly stealing his thunder… “Hey,” he must be thinking… “This strip is called ‘Mark Trail,’ not ‘Carina,’ and I’m the one who gets to dish out the Nature Knowledge here…” Gabe can only muster a small, “wow” as he stands there sweating and utterly gobsmacked…

Never mind that there are now two, count ’em, two features that ‘remind us’ of Mexico – first the Hidden Beach and now the Cave of Crystals… As Carina impresses us with her knowledge of Rocks and Minerals, along with her striking profile, Mark jumps in with his knowledge of same- rocks and minerals, that is…

And while Mark and Carina are maintaining their relative composure under the oppressive heat, Gabe’s face looks like it’s sliding off his skull…

So now that (let’s hope) the geology and geography lessons are complete, let’s get back the plane and MacGyver our way out of here, people…

That you had something to do with all this??  “No sooner do I spout knowledge of gypsum,” blah blah.. “and look what we stumble upon…”

Well, thanks to faithful reader Dan P. we now know that this is the “Cave of Crystals” According to the Wiki, the main chamber contains giant selenite crystals (gypsum, CaSO4·2 H2O), some of the largest natural crystals ever found. The cave’s largest crystal found to date is 12 m (39 ft) in length, 4 m (13 ft) in diameter and 55 tons in weight. The cave is extremely hot, with air temperatures reaching up to 58 °C (136 °F) with 90 to 99 percent humidity. The cave is relatively unexplored due to these factors. Without proper protection, people can only endure approximately ten minutes of exposure at a time.  So you’d all best get the hell out of there…

So, yes, we are in Mexico now, bending the space time continuum, sweating our asses off for no apparent reason.  At some point the author needs to understand that a collection of non-sequitur events does not a plot line make…

But as long as we are here, let’s learn about Gypsum… C’mon, it’ll be fun!!  Known through the centuries across multiple civilizations for its properties and usefulness, below are the 2014 stats for mining production:

Go China!  Now we know where all the wallboard comes from!!

Googling “cave formations” I came upon a $10 word: Speleothems… but nothing in that picture looks like these columns…  huh… they all look like versions of the Washington Monument…  and since I struck out on the “Helldiver” comment and was earlier schooled on my assertion that firearms don’t have flames shooting out of them, I leave this to you all…

90 degrees?  Well, Gabe, you are in the desert…  Love the fact that Mark’s coiffure remains intact… even under the most brutal conditions…

Reminds me of the I Love Lucy episode where she is the Vitameatavegamin girl…  Lucy gets all “heated up” spooning her way to health and inebriation…

So as Mark, Gabe and Carina all break out in hives, and lest we dare to believe that Mark’s opening line is some lame attempt to come on to Carina, Gabe seems to think he has found something- certainly his eyes betray his shock and surprise…

So what’s it going to be?? The lost city of El Dorado? Flowing lava?  Geyser?  Sasquatch?  I guess we shall have to see…

And thanks for all the great comments, and especially for schooling me on the Biplane version of the Helldiver…  learn something new every day!

Timing is everything??  As Mark goes for the punch-line in panel three, it appears that the other two forgot that Mark has already found a way out?  And nice try, Gabe… but that’s no Helldiver…  And finally, I don’t think the pilot did make it out, Carina… but whatever…

Sorry for all the flashbacks, gang, but sometimes I feel like part of my duty is to maintain integrity along these long story arcs…

But what if the plane did still work?  Ah… unless it was a Harrier Jump Jet, which can take off like a helicopter and then jet off, it really wouldn’t do them any good…

Time for Carina’s close-up… fresh lipstick and foundation and she’s ready to continue sharing what she knows about cave-ology…  But really?? “Surreal?”

We have been on this story so long  Ol’ Gabe doesn’t even remember where he is!  You’re not in Mexico, dummy you’re in Southwest Texas…

…and by the look on Mark’s face he is getting increasingly bored with this entire situation… he hasn’t had someone to punch in months!!

Ka-mon, Gabe!  Get with the program!  Mark throws all kinds of doubt and darkness on your “sunlight” theory -(Remember, Gabe, the Earth ROTATES… therefore the time that the hole would be filled with sun is minuscule relative to the entire rotational arc… or something like that…) I love the look on Gabe’s face (all sheepish again) as he is getting schooled by Mark… All I can say is that Carina is a LOT more attractive when when she is slinking around the cave compared to when she in out of danger and spouting scientific knowledge…  But then I’m a guy and will probably get in trouble for that last statement…

Good thing, though, that Carina took full advantage of the STEM curriculum at her schools growing up…  And as the proud father of a daughter who is a geologist, we all have to be grateful that walls have come down.  And thank Female Pioneers in the sciences, including Phyllis Kahn a State of Minnesota House of Representative who earned multiple degrees in the sciences against what I am sure were tremendous odds!  Or Florence Bascom, geologist… Or credit to her father John, who (it would seem) supported his daughter in very non-conventional pursuits for the late 19th century… who is no doubt connected or related to Bascom Hall/Hill at the University of Wisconsin-Madison…

Well, enough history for one morning.

I am at a loss for what insights might be offered in today’s installment, other than a healthy dose of familiar poses and reactions- Mark assumes his “Naturalist crouch,” Gabe wagging his finger, and Carina doing her best Vanna White impression.  Speaking of the latter, I see that she and Pat Sajak are still on the TV… good lord how long have they been doing that show??  Answer- since 1983.  September to be exact.  In its 33rd year… That’s a mere tick of the Trailian clock, though, as we move through these stories at glacial speed…

OK, so now that we have been reminded that plants need soil, water and light to grow and thrive, what’s next?  I thought they were going to climb out of the hole and do… what?  Heaven knows.

Seriously!  See it??

While Carina schools Gabe in Karst Processes… have fun with that one- looks involved…

…Mark has already begun the climb (or should I say walk) out of the sinkhole… And for now the airplane, with the reappearing and disappearing skeleton (remember The Cave of the Dead??) is causing nary a ripple in the plot.  Wait ’til that engine fires up and the plane takes off with that grinning thing (skeletons have no choice but to grin…) having fun at everyone’s expense…

Gabe, you have proven to be an effective foil, if nothing else, and now your estudiante is turning on you as if to say, “Shut up, Porky, your contributions here are no longer required…”  Before the cave incident, Carina was loath to call the Professor by his first name, now it comes easily, as experience in crisis is a great equalizer…  Separating the men from the boys, euphemistically speaking… the look on Carina’s face is telling- weary of this whole thing and weary of Gabe, who continues to third-wheel his way through this plot line, ____-blocking anything that might erupt between Mark and Carina… But just wait a Trailian minute there, Bucko- Mark is a Happily Married Man- which is why he spends 345 of the 365 days in a year on the road…

So the WWI era biplane was just a distraction?  Nothing to do with anything?  A mere curiosity along the way that holds no bearing on the plot line?  Well, that’s disappointing…  And we won’t see Mark doff his shirt to expose his rippling upper torso in a free-climb that was foreshadowed in late 2015?  They are just going to walk out of there? OK… carry on…

In other news (literally) there was a nice piece on the Mark Trail Experience in my Local Paper- The Minneapolis Star Tribune- Please see ‘I am a Trailhead’ on Page OW1 of Friday, April 08, 2016 issue of Star Tribune – and in contacting the author, he mentioned that he is aware of “The Daily Trail” and had even mentioned it in an early draft of the piece, but ended up not including it… Doh!  This close to a shout out by a Major Metro Paper!!  Oh well, I shall continue to contribute to the Trail Universe in my own way, comfortable in the knowledge that the small, somewhat crazy, Trail community will appreciate what is done here…

Way to go, Gabe… just hop on up there!  Why don’t you give it a good shake while you are at it and see whether you can get yourself in trouble!!  No skeleton!  Not sure what I was seeing before…  wishful thinking I suppose.

…and who or what exactly is Carina pointing to/at?  To whom is she making her proclamation??

In case you are all wondering what Carina is going on about (I sure was…) The Marietas Islands form an archipelago off the western coast of Mexico, an hour’s boat ride from Puerto Vallarta…

…and the aforementioned “Hidden Beach” is a feature of that island, accessible only through a watery tunnel…

…allegedly formed by man’s testing of bombs and such…  who says everything man does is bad???

Thanks, Mark for calling that one out…  we were certainly all wondering…  And note that it’s a Red-Tailed Hawk, not a Red-Tail Hawk…  The learning curve just never quite flattens out in the Trail-verse…

And thanks Gabe, for opening your mouth and bringing us all down again.  While we can’t be sure who is talking in the first panel, let’s assume that it’s Gabe- Mr. “Never met a half-full glass I didn’t call half-empty.”  “We can’t climb out!”  “The walls are concave!”  Must’ve gone to the Luke Skywalker School of Fine Whine…

Well, now we know why we were introduced to Mark’s free-climbing skills- too bad ye olde climbing pick was lost to the cave and the cave-in(s)…  Or, in a great moment of non-continuity, Mark will pull the pick out of his back-side and start the climb out!

Ha!  About a month ago to you and me, but minutes in Trail-time, I suggested that a sinkhole might be their salvation…  And Carina, the trained cave-ologist whose job it is to notice such things and call them out accurately, has done just that!

And even Mark is surprised by this turn of events…  the man who has seen darn near everything…

I am enjoying your comments- and glad that you are maintaining enthusiasm for the story line while I appeared to be flagging a bit…  Call it Trail-fatigue… I guess everyone might get it from time to time, especially on a very long hike…  but yes- I agree- the possibilities are endless now that we have more to work with- but soft- is that a skeleton in the aft seat??  It was only slightly apparent yesterday but now there is definitely something or should I say some-ONE there…

Quick pivot to a Netflix recommendation – Chasing Monsters– a 12 episode, somewhat binge-worthy show featuring a guy who likes to fish for MONSTERS…  all over the freakin’ planet!  It’s produced in Canada, the host/protagonist is Cyril Chauquet, and apparently is also known as the Fishing Adventurer…  and involved in a show call Wild Catch…  Anyway, the reason I bring him up is that he reminds me of Mark Trail in that he knows a lot of people… or at least pretends to, and this is what launches him into all these different situations.  The main difference is that Cyril is more James Bond-like that Trail could ever be- actually has a drink now and then and speaks, by my count, four languages,  isn’t afraid to get “in bed” with his quarry, and always kisses his catch before releasing it back into the water…  Last night I saw him catch a giant Snook, just like Rusty did…

Meanwhile, above the ground, we see a relic of WWI, the unfortunate result of an amateur bi-plane excursion, or maybe it’s the lost remains of Amelia Earhart.  That’s the problem with single engine planes- a single point of failure- with no back-up!  But Seriously, what is the raptor standing on in panel one? Certainly not the wing, unless the bird is massive in proportion… and can hook its feet around the leading and trailing edge of the wing… but then in panel two, everything falls back to normal?  huh…

So, while we wait for something interesting to happen, here’s a shout-out to my Dear Mother, as today is her Birthday!!