BGwPT will NEVER be able to show his face at the bad guy union hall again!  Bested by a Nature Writer!!  Who is right handed and bats left!!  Right finger on the trigger, left arm akimbo, Mark you certainly cut quite the intimidating profile…

Yes… Meanwhile, back on the SWAN…  BGwB, formerly a demolitions expert with the Navy SEALS, has rigged the explosives and handed the modern-day plunger to Mitchum…  And goodness, what a demanding sort you are, Mitch, calling out that BGwPT is putting you terribly behind schedule…

Are Cherry and Justin knocked out?  Tied up?  C’mon people, where’s the struggle?  You only got one Bitch-Slap in you??

You are so confused, aren’t you??  “I’d better help him out?”  What?  Help him see the error of his ways, get him to turn away from his life of crime?  Pursue a life on the grid??  I guess Mr. Ponytail has high-tailed it out of the swamp and has left his gun behind.  Does Mark use the gun on the Gator?  Of course not, he grabs a big stick to “Scare the Gator Away…”  Forgive me, but I doubt highly whether that Gator is going to respond to that in the way Mark anticipates…  But nevertheless, with the magnum wedged smartly in the back of Mark’s waistband, he grabs the stick and takes a whack…  But what’s this?  More left-handed-ness…  With Mark’s right hand at the bottom of the stick, this is the posture that would be assumed by one hitting from the first base side…

So with the Gator’s work done and now dispatched, Mark will go waive his gun in Mitchum’s face and save the day?  Seems like we are still at something of a stalemate here…  it’s a battle of wits between two guys who are unfamiliar with how evil really works (witness the cluster that is unfolding on the boat vs. the undying virtues of one Mark Trail)  But we all know how this is going to turn out… or do we?  Death has visited the Trailverse from time to time…

AAAHHH!  That is a mighty feeble reaction to being confronted by a 14 foot behemoth…  And surely Mark is snickering to himself as BGwPT falls into “his” trap.  But what about the time-honored cliché of “gun hits ground, gun discharges round??”  is there even any truth to that??  Apparently not, so thank you James Allen for not falling into that trap…

But oh my, let’s all hope that the gator doesn’t disappoint in the next installment!  How awesome would it be to see the Baddie half ingested, legs already down the gator-gullet, with a horrified shriek emanating from his bad-guy maw??  Sort of like the scene from Jaws with Quint half eaten by the shark!!  Remember that they stole their bad-guy boat from him (or his estate) or somehow reconstructed it after the shark tore it apart…  Oh whatever…

OK, dating myself a bit by harkening back to a David Bowie Lyric… But c’mon “Buddy,” Let’s Dance…

We now see Mr. Pony Tail favors his left hand, a sinister trait that has been ascribed to all manner of deviant thought and behavior, only to be debunked later and attached to all manner of creative and divergent thinking… and let’s be clear:  Michelangelo and da Vinci were left-handed, as were three of the last four occupants of the White House; the only right-handed President since the end of the Cold War has been George W. Bush.  You be the judge…

Mark, you are so clever these days!  I am not used to the level of cleverness with which you have been imbued now that you are under new management.  The old Trail was full of broad, clumsy, blocky maneuvers, while the new Trail is full of cunning and pluck!  Only you would know the “front” from the “back” of the gator mound, and strategically snap the one stick that would reveal your position and lure your adversary into harm’s way…

Interesting that BGwPT feels a level of familiarity to call out to Mark by Last Name… albeit with a question mark attached.  He knows he’s not in his element and may rue the day he signed up for this “job…”

One thing that Mark hasn’t lost, though, is his taste for high-water inseams that reveal his freakishly skinny ankles.

…always happen in concert with Nature…  Whether with Rex the Territorial Grizzly or some other something he happens upon, the way out is usually found with the help of a four-legged beast.  Does Mark have control, dominion even, over these animals?  Or is he just lucky in a karmic sort of way??  And just how he’ll use the Alligator mound to his advantage remains to be seen…

Thanks to his use of Brylcreem and sporting quick-dry clothing from top to bottom, one would never know that Mark was recently punched and dunked…  Watch out, Pony Tail, you are about to meet Mr. Gator!

…and Man with Erect Pony Tail has one of them, since we know that Mitchum is on the SWAN waving the other one around like he’s all that…

Mark, you have been knocked senseless so many times in your long and timeline-defying life it’s a wonder you can think at all…  but you always come through, whether it’s upsetting the hornets’ nest to get a drop on the Indian Artifact thieves, or entrapping the Senator’s aide into thinking you have recorded something incriminating, catching a Turtle Poacher or a Cheating Bass Fisherman red-handed, it’s only a matter of time before you turn the tables on these louts and we can return to a world where right is right and wrong gets punished…

Either Mitchum bleeds easily or that was quite a slap!  The very essence of the Bitch Slap, defined by the Urban Dictionary as “To open-handedly slap someone. Denote disrespect for the person being bitch slapped as they are not worthy of a man sized punch. Suggests the slap was met with little resistance and much whining.”  Bingo.

And guess what, oh Over-Excited One?  Cherry has already called your bluff.  That gun probably isn’t even loaded!  And Bad Guys rarely use words with 6 syllables…  Note how BGwB, now deep in thought, is wasting precious cycles just trying to keep up with what you are saying!!

Cherry, Honey, there’s a difference between surviving and thriving…  relative to the whole ‘fight or flight’ decision, Mark seems only to know ‘flight’ these days.   Yes, running allows one to survive, but picking the right fight can help a person thrive…

Huh? Huh?  What did I tell you??  In the brave new James Allen Trailverse, Cherry is the Alpha and Mark “I can take a punch and then run for help” Trail is no longer.  “Give up?” Mitchum must be thinking, “But I have the high ground here…”  That’s before he gets a face full of wrath, much deserved, by the way, based on that awfully smug look he has in panel two.

So while Bad Guy #1 (BG w/ Beard or BGwB) looks on, and Mitchum tries to collect himself after taking a blow, will Mark be able to out-run (again, to where?) BGwPT?  And what use is Justin Holland?  Cowering and simpering in the corner, no doubt…

Why don’t you take care of the guy coming after you?  At lease that evens the odds a bit…  We know now that Cherry is bad-ass and can probably take the other two guys while Justin cowers in the corner…

So, as Mark heads off in a random direction, the chance of ever seeing him again is slim…  I am sure that many a well-meaning soul has gone into the swamp only to lose the Trail, never to been seen again…  (ha!  Get it??  Lose the TRAIL??)

If it’s one thing I know that Cell Phones don’t cotton, it’s water.  Hell.  Moisture of any kind.  Unless Mark carries a phone specifically meant to endure a dunking, he’s dreaming.  I have a friend who once lost her phone whilst boating on the St. Croix, and ever the wit, she borrowed a phone to change her greeting: “Hello, you have reached <name withheld>’s cell phone, currently it’s at the bottom of Lake St. Croix.  If this is an emergency, please call me on my home phone, xxx-xxx-xxxx….

Besides, Mark, you are at least a couple of days’ slog up the ICW, and the sh*t’s going down NOW…  Better think again.  Roll your head around until that brain of yours seats and makes positive contact with both electrodes…  Besides, how far is he from the SWAN?  A couple of hundred feet?  I mean, can’t he be seen in all his dripping glory?  Isn’t he well within shooting range?  I’d duck, Mark, if I were you…

Like, for instance, no punching, no kicking, no hitting…  “We just want to waive a gun in their face and scare them a little…”  But now Mitchum is learning a lesson in Bad Guy – Henchman relations:  The only way to garner respect is to off one, or at least put into them the fear that you will , otherwise, there’s no respect… Remember Dr. Evil?  He had the buttons that would allow him at any time to send one of his crew to a fiery death (or at least injure them badly…) as a way to show his displeasure.  Or the Dread Pirate Roberts, who “promised” to kill Westley every day until Westley became the Dread Pirate Roberts.  See, Mitchum, you have no reputation for this stuff…

Swim Mark, Swim!!  To where??  You are in the middle of a swamp.  Are you expecting to run into someone?  A pay-phone perhaps?  Maybe that dude who was witness to your coming in the first place…

I mean, has James Allen allowed Mark to deliver ONE haymaker??  Nope.  And this isn’t the first time Mark has been sucker-punched, either in this latest incarnation of the strip…  Very disappointing.  What happened to Mark’s fight?  Pony Tail leads with a left and follows up with a huge right that sends Mark over the railing and into the water…  I hope the shock revives him, or he is surely toast!!

Isn’t it great how the word “Splash” sounds like it really does…  What’s that device?  Onomatopoeia?  Helpful in the telling of a story where there isn’t sound available.  Although we have seen, in the Trailverse, the use of the worm “Wham” to describe a rifle shot… not entirely accurate, if you ask me…

And with a certain angry, ugly aura emanating from Cherry (Again she must be wondering, “Who are you…” who gets punched and can’t defend himself? Certainly not the man I married…) we must wait another day to see how this continues to play out…  Is it possible, we all wonder, for TROUBLE to NOT follow TRAIL in the dictionary??

I’m with you, Mark!  I mean, Really?  And good for you, Mitchum- make your motive crystal clear so that when it comes time to put you away, there will be no doubt about why you took the path you did…  But Mr. Pony Tail will have none of such talk!  A left cross for you, Mr. Trail!!

Or Mitchum could be thinking, “Well… now that you put it that way, this does seem a bit rash… my Mentor warned me of my deadly combination of Signature Strengths®… Competition with Maximizer can lead to these kinds of situations…”

Bad Guy #2 (with Pony Tail) has the same color shirt as Mitchum!  What is it they say?  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery??  Maybe Mr. Pony Tail found it under the tree, since he wasn’t wearing that shirt on 12/23…  Or if we look at 12/12, it’s clear that Mr. Pony Tail has two of the same shirt and has let Mitchum wear one of his…  Holy crap, that’s creepy…  Creepier still is the fact that Mr. Pony Tail is a dead ringer for former Pro Wrestler, Governor and Navy Seal, turned Conspiracy Theorist Jesse “the Body” Ventura!

And with Justin now showing us a startled look on his other bad side (similar in its simian form)  the “plan” now seems to be taking shape??  Maybe?  With everyone on deck and the Aurora Borealis (coming pretty far south if you ask me…) lighting up the scene, Mitchum has forsaken his South paw in favor of his North and is waving his hostages forward at gun point.  Kidnap them and then blow up the boat?  Then what?  So confusing…

Kudos to faithful reader J. Wilk who picked up on the fact that Mitchum keeps changing hands…  Yesterday he was threatening with his right, and today he’s back to his left…  This is still just silly.  Imagine a situation (I know, difficult as it would be…) where you disagreed with your boss at work.  Your first move would be to hire two thugs (whose role remains unclear at this time) and threaten his life with a gun?  With a total of four witnesses now??  And I can’t decide whether Mitchum’s name reminds me more of tough guy actor Robert, or the underarm deodorant that only had to be applied weekly (good Lord, what did they put in that stuff??)

That’s right, Mark.  Confuse the lad while he has you at gunpoint… “Our plans?  My plan?  Oh, eat lead , Nature Boy, I’ll just start with you…”  But as we are reminded constantly, the strip is named after him, and while there was effective succession planning regarding the creative mind behind all this, there is only one, and will only ever be one, Mark Trail…  Ageless, Timeless, without peer… Mitchum, your plan has as much structure as a boneless chicken, and it has now met its end, barely before it began… I hope you haven’t already spent your year-end bonus… looks like it won’t be coming after all…

And, again, what exactly are you THINKING??  And that line, “Don’t try anything funny!” Where’d you hear that?  The movies?  What if we tried something serious, like attempt to disarm you and overcome you with force?  Do you really have the nerve to use that thing??

Cherry might just have the line of the year, as we head into the last few days of 2014…  Could easily have applied to almost any situation regarding Mark Trail since James Allen took over command of the strip… With every expression of feeling and profession of love coming out of Mark’s mouth, Cherry could very easily have uttered the words “WHO are YOU?”  “and WHAT have you done with my husband?!”

On the day that we Celebrate the Birth of our Lord and Savior, or the advent of more daylight ahead, or whatever this time of year represents…  we have Mitchum brandishing a weapon…

But let’s take stock of the story so far- Editor Bill Ellis sees a news story on CNN about protesters in the Great dismal Swamp, figures this might be right up Mark Trail’s trail (so to speak,) and rents him an 80’ yacht.  Mark takes Cherry on a vacation aboard the yacht, we are introduced to Justin Holland and his “Partner” Mitchum. Holland finds himself invited to spend some time on the yacht, Mitchum grows immediately wary of the possibility that Mark Trail will convince Holland to pull the plug on the mine project, so Mitchum hires a couple of goons to what- drive him to the SWAN, to what- pull a Clutter Family Experience on board the SWAN and motor off?  And blame it on the placard waving zealots protecting the swamp? But Mitchum, dude, now you have two witnesses to your crime, and how are you going to handle that??  Couldn’t you just have found your own way out there???  Oh, never mind.

Well, on that cheery note, Merry Christmas everyone.  Find some time and some peace in the season.  Count your blessings.  Laugh, smile, seek understanding.  We are all in this together…

It’s BRUCE vs SWAN in a semi-celebrity smack-down!  My money’s on The BRUCE…  The SWAN is full of eco-sissies that think the world is a just and vibrant place…

Dare I repeat myself, but unless the BRUCE has cut its engines and they are drifting up to the SWAN, you can exhort all you want about being “real quiet,” but it just ain’t gonna happen…  And are Mark and Cherry all snug in their stateroom, with visions of sugarplums and ruffed grouse dancing in their heads?  It’s not like Mark Trail tracks with the actual holidays the way other strips do, so I doubt it highly…  the sugarplums part, anyway.

This is like an early Christmas Present!!  Bad Guys “Sneaking up” on our hero in their twin-screw, diesel powered shark boat, which I am sure can be heard from across the lake, let alone right “beside” the Swan…  And it appears that the guy with hair is in charge…  oh wait, that’s Mitchum!  What the hell?  What is he thinking?  Does he want to be immediately implicated in whatever dastardly deed is about to unfold??  No Arms-Length relationship between him and the bad actors??

I can’t even imagine what is about to go down…  Trash-talking?  Threats?  I thought Mitchum wanted Holland dead…  out of the way?  I was expecting that there would be SCUBA suits and C-4 involved.  Maybe I have seen too many movies…