Shoulder’s still a little tender, you know?? Apparently their leisurely stroll took hours, from panel one where the sun appears to be quite high in the sky to panel two where it is setting gracefully over one of the many lakes adorning the Lost Forest acreage… And I wonder-  can Andy feel the Trailian vibe transmitted through Cherry?

But really, as usual, can more stilted and awkward prose be committed to a comic strip ( or any media for that matter?)  What if “living in the outdoors” is really a metaphor for…  Oh, probably shouldn’t go there…  Like Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” whose famous words, “All I need are some tasty waves and a cool buzz and I’m fine…” Mark probably derives joy and satisfaction from the less base instincts of man, centering himself on energies derived from world around him.  Hopefully cherry is down with that, as this is the man she chose and the man she loves…

April 8 to May 31, 2013… Probably one of the shorter story arcs of all time!

Well, I guess at some point the writer(s) get tired of their own characters…  “Seemed like a good idea at the time… c’mon Jack, let’s put a bow on this one… not sure what the next ‘adventure’ or ‘assignment’ will be, but this story is a dog!!”  Oops, sorry Andy, no offense!  Apparently Ranger Wilson’s “travel arrangement” options include teleportation… we sure didn’t waste any time getting back to Lost Forest…  and since Cherry’s Father is ‘Doc’ does that mean he can also minister to bear bite??

“After that camping trip with Wes and Shelley…”   Translation:  Don’t ever drag me out on another one of your “assignments,” that one almost (literally) killed me…

And so good to be back at Lost forest, where things are still green and not a scorched earth.  Do you suppose we will be getting served anytime soon regarding environmental impact and damage?

Ba-boom, tshhhh… What amounts to a punch line, I guess…

And is that a tear rolling down her cheek?  I swear this lady needs to enroll in a 12-step program focused on device addiction… If she had meant that as a joke that would be one thing, but she is serious! Wes, dump her fast, this ship is going down!

And with Wes’ foot wrapped properly, not picnic style, we also get another look at Cherry’s “shoulder.”  Faker!  Not so much as a tear to her blouse… Also looks like Mark and Wes were able to keep up with their hygiene, shaving anyway.  Wes is still a little bit rumpled, but Mark looks ready for his next assignment!

That’s it?  They are at the Ranger Station?  Just like that?  No monsters lurking in the deep waters of Rhododendron Lake?  No rogue waves to capsize the canoe, no afternoon squall to swamp their craft?  Where’s Shelley’s Phone?  Cherry’s Gun?  The summons and complaint for all the damage they did to the wilderness- fighting the fire that is no doubt still raging out of control?!

What exactly is THE BEST YOU CAN?  With that laconic expression on your face, it would seem that you are called to minister to wayward campers with Bear bite quite often?  Any you clearly could not have done much, unless you had Mrs. Trail take her shirt off and put it back on, ravaged shoulder notwithstanding… We know she has shoulders, what with the Betty Page pose she struck over sandwiches at the end of the Rod Bassy epic…

Ranger WILSON? Of course it is.  Again, little to no diversity in the Trailverse.  And where the heck is WES?  I mean he had a foot bound up like a lettuce wrap, and not a mention of that poor man and his travails?  And when Rangers aren’t putting people up in their makeshift field hospitals (note the portable screen right out of a 50’s hospital room…) they are doing what?  Making TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS of course…

I think Mr. Elrod was getting bored with this story.  No doubt the next scene will be with EDITOR BILL ELLIS, BACK IN HIS NEW YORK OFFICE… “Um, Bad news, boss… despite best efforts to charm Wes’ wife into loving the wild, he has been threatened with divorce if he doesn’t stop throwing money at the magazine….”

…Rhododendron again…

…and apparently they were able to put the canoe into the magical stretching machine which allows all of them to fit… And it would seem that these plot lines are planned WELL in advance, written with forward hindsight, knowing that some vague throwaway reference to a RANGER STATION would be their way out of the wilderness…  Lesson here, intrepid campers- always know your way out whenever you venture in…

Although I am happy that it appears they won’t be dogged by near starvation and be tempted by cannibalism, this story is wrapping up a little too quickly for me… I mean we only met Wes and Shelley in mid-April for crying out loud…  But what a scar they left on Mother Earth…  Will Mark write a story about this?  Lessons learned?  Good camping gone bad?  It will have to be part of his recompense… That, and forcing Doc to mortgage Lost Forest to pay for the damages incurred…

The perfect Trailian response to a near-mauling… touch her in as patronizing and  condescending a way possible on the tip of the nose and inquire as to general well-being.  Perfect Tralian response to clumsy demonstrations of affection:  Inform life mate that you are OK, but that the bear might have done lasting damage to your shoulder…

Again, Mark is clearly quite a shot.  That’s two shots to graze in two attempts, kneeling in a wobbly canoe.

Cherry’s shoulder may have taken a beating, but it’s clear her hair did not!  What DOES she use?  (She’ll never tell…) and how does she maintain that spunky look, even after a death defying, harrowing experience??  It’s all for her man, Mark…  She knew he’d come eventually…

But seriously, folks, let’s look at the collateral damage… A wildfire raging out of control, a plane leaking fuel and oil high above the tree-line, a Mother Bear so confused and humiliated she ran off without her cub…  I mean really, ever heard of “Leave no Trace??”  Apparently not… There will be Heck to pay once the Ranger finds out who started all of this!

The Bear!  I mean Cherry!  I mean, I don’t even know who I am rooting for at this point! Comparing relative body position from yesterday it would appear that the bear is dragging Cherry off to her den!!  Grazing Mother Bear’s backside is probably only going to piss her off… but Cherry is doing a GOOD JOB of playing dead, so good in fact that report from a rifle doesn’t even cause her to flinch, or even look up in wonder?

Good thing Cherry has her puffy jacket on!  One more layer to confuse Mother Bear as she looks to hit flesh and bone…  Has she a sense of/ a taste for human?  Is this all new to her?  And the sound and the sting of the bullet?  She must be thinking, “This started out like any other day, you know??”  Nice that the trace of the bullet can be seen going PAST the “Old Grizzly” because we only really want to scare her off and not leave her cub alone without her support…  what a dilemma THAT would be!!  We shall have to wait until Monday to see whether this shot across the stern had the intended effect!

Good thing this is an “old” grizzly and not a “young, rash” one, good that her belly is full of fish (or grape nuts or whatever else bears eat…) so that the first thought is not food, but rather protection.  The only thing Cherry is not doing, according to the literature, is curling up into a fetal position.  Or standing up and standing the bear off, or punching the bear in the nose, all of which turn up as real advice when asked “what to do in this situation??”  Needless to say the jury is still out on that, and one should do anything one CAN do to keep oneself out of this kind of predicament!

But almost as if by magic, the canoe appears in panel two, sneaking up on the threatened bear, looks like Mark has the gun raised at the ready and is surveying the situation… “Cherry or the Bear, the Bear or Cherry… gosh why does life have to be so confusing at times…  My Trail-brain knows what is the ‘right thing to do,’ but golly wouldn’t Doc and Rusty be disappointed if I had to tell them that Cherry was sacrificed to the greater good?”

Clever of Shelley to perceive that the smaller of the two bears is the cub… the cute, round, oversized ears that need to be grown into is clearly the give-away here… and that’s right, Cherry, make sure tht Shelley RUNS so that the bears can give chase and Mother bear can teach baby bear how it’s done- how we keep bellies full and energy up… but then there are always those misconceptions about Bears and what to do when confronted… climbing a tree is a shaky plan at best, especially when it involves having to beat the bear TO the tree and then actually CLIMB said tree…

Cherry, where’s your damn gun?  You had it when you went running from camp inferno!

But Mark & Wes are almost there, and Mark is packing, at least he was before… 

Well, if there was ever a time to over-emote and use REALLY LARGE FONT, it would be, like, right now.  But I suppose not… And Cherry, what exactly ARE you doing with your hands?  Shielding your eyes from the what? The sun?  Given the pallet chosen for these Armageddon quality scenes, I would assume that the sun has been blotted from the sky…

I see by the ribbing and the construction that Mark and Wes are traveling in style- the model a-45 Old Town Canoe- which again was stored carefully for the next time the owner of the “abandoned” cabin hiked in.  Won’t they be surprised to find their canoe missing, but I suppose not- not when they don’t take the time to lock it up!

If a thought bubble were to pop up over Wes’s blonde locks, I imagine it would say something like, “You go, Bear! My evil plan is almost coming to fruition, even if it means that I might be stuck out here in the woods, Survivor style for a few more weeks… at least I won’t have to serve that spoiled brat breakfast in bed any more…”

But then we will probably never learn who the blonde in the frame on the bedstand is…     

Oops, forgot the Bear family in the Disney/ Bambi Montage the other day… Mommy Bear looking a might pissed off, and Cherry, WHERE is your GUN?!? You had it a couple of frames ago, and now there isn’t even a glimpse of it!

It would seem that Shelley really has only two “looks” (hey one more than Zoolander, but OK, then…) 1) The “I am pissed and deprived and my cell phone doesn’t work” and 2) “I feel a massive migraine coming on,” an example of which is being displayed nicely in Frame 2…

But guess what?  The Canoe won‘t hold all of you!! Ha!  This will force them to play the “cannibals and missionaries” game trying to see how they cross the lake without getting eaten…  only this time it has to do with Bears and other top predators being chased to the lake shore by the massive forest fire!