Of course, Mark’s hungry!  He hasn’t eaten in weeks!!  Poor guy!  Why, his jeans are about to fall off his withering frame.  While Doc and Cherry have been enjoying the hospitality of Ed Dunlap, Mark has been subjected to all manner of incarceration and torture!  My and how fast the Wheels of Justice turn in the Trailverse!  Jared’s in jail?  You mean maybe he is being held as a person of interest pending his indictment hearing?  And there’s Ol’ Jeff Baucom!  Folded like a cheap tent!  Still tied up and leaning against the house in the corner of the first panel.  I almost didn’t see him!  Makes me wonder if Rusty has been hiding in the corners all the while, maybe emitting muffled cries for validation and love…

Ed, you are so full of it…  You thought Mark was a Bad Guy for sure…  Or at least you did not know WHAT to think about what had just gone down…  won’t be so trusting now, will you??

And there’s Andy… Nothing like a good dose of hot, steamy, rancid dog breath to whet the appetite… bon apetit!!

That we were spared weeks of toil and trouble getting back to Dunlap’s cabin with two pack baskets of artifacts and one bad guy- “Jeff Baucom.”  How exactly Mark was able to maintain control over Jeff… but wait, did he just leave him at the “abandoned shack,” all tied up?  Hmmm… I wonder.  And Jared Sosbee – what’s become of him?  He left weeks ago, to “go get the sheriff,” or something like that.  Like I said before, he is probably holed up in some safe house awaiting Jeff B’s return with the loot.  Oh, how disappointed he will be!!

But in the last panel, Mark maintains that he “has” the Relics and the Bad Guy… Oh well, anything to wrap this story up…  it’s time that Mark and the clan return to Lost Forest and see what’s become of their world, having abandoned it… And by the way… I am sure Rusty is quite tired enough of doing the “Home Alone” thing…

Pretty shallow grave there, Jeff-my-Man…  Maybe covered by an inch of dirt and the pine straw…

You took an awful chance there, Mark…  must not have been an “Ol’ Bear,” but maybe a young one, easily spooked…

It would seem that Mark has a new Catch Phrase  (sort of like, “Do you feel lucky, punk?”) “I’m not much for words…” That is unless you are all alone, verbalizing your every thought… then you are a regular Chatty Cathy…

Wow!  Those synapses are firing and dots are connecting, and Mark, despite all the blows to his head over the course of this story arc, puts all the pieces together!! Not very believably, mind you, but at some point we had to wrap this saga…

Do you love the face in panel two, or what??  The look of a man who realizes his entire life has led him to…. THIS MOMENT.  A mountaintop moment on the forest floor!!  Face to face with a BEAR!  Now, any experienced guide will tell you that Bear are not to be challenged, can run faster and climb better than you, and while Mark is an experienced woodsman, he ought to know better- go get the gun… fire a warning shot, scare the bear off.  C’mon Mark don’t be an idiot, not in your moment of revelation!

And, no, “Bury your garbage” is not a euphemism for anything…  like “Junk in the Trunk…”  I am talking about the OUTDOOR CODE.  With which I would assume you are well acquainted??  The whole “Leave No Trace” idea that would preclude one from ever “burying garbage…”  But no matter, it’s throw-back time in the Trailverse, when that practice was acceptable and as long as it was out of sight, it probably did not matter what campers did with their trash…

But wait ‘til “That Ol’ Bear” bites down on some syrup infused arrowheads… That is going to be one surprised and unhappy Ol’ Bear… But this is really a sad commentary on the impact of man on what is otherwise a noble and self-sufficient beast- Bears have only recently (relatively speaking) come to regard man as a reliable food source, since we can’t seem to go anywhere without bringing food with us, that bears have come to associate man with food!  And it’s not that bears tend to eat man, it’s all the hoho’s and Nature Valley Granola Bars that we keep in our backpacks…

But I sermonize… Let’s be grateful now that Jared was such a spaz and dropped the syrup bottle and spilled its contents into one of the pack baskets.  Who knew where that was going?  Certainly not me…

Didn’t know broken brush could create a report approaching 130 dB…

And Jeff was never what one would call, ummm…, handsome, but now that he is riddled with Wasp stings all over his bald pate, he is downright hideous to behold…

And as the writers try to figure out where the you-know-what this story line is going (“I know! a bear! Yeah- A BEAR! Comes along, see, and oh!  Smells the syrup on the basket containing the artifacts, yeah! That’s it, and then it gets to digging…)  Sorry if I just guessed that one, but well, that’s why I am the one commenting on all this…  Sorry if that was a major spoiler…

But oh, thanks for what seems to be a resolution to this pack-basket-o-fun… Now we just need the others to randomly stumble upon Jeff and Mark, complete with Sheriff or constable or something… but in this present situation, with Jeff tied up, it might still look like Mark took the Indian stuff???  And HE buried it??  OK, figure that one out!!

…and killing him with kindness?  Took me a minute to figure out what Mark is doing in the second panel…  applying baking soda to the wasp stings…  what if Jeff was allergic?  He’d be dead by now for sure and the mystery of the artifacts would have gone to the grave with him…

But Really Jeff, I mean, what is your problem??  Was your father a crook and you are taking up the family business?  Are you just a jerk by nature?

By now we certainly have to wonder what the others are doing…  just sitting around eating flapjacks with homemade syrup?  Is Jared waiting dutifully at some pre-determined rendezvous point, only to think that Jeffy-poo has double crossed him and is now living the Life of Riley with all the money he got for the artifacts??

What role does Mr. Bear play in this Greek Tragedy?  Only in the Trailverse…

Really Mark, did you think that Jeff, the hardened criminal, is just going to roll over and start complying?  You are going to need to prove to him that you would be willing to USE that gun, more than he was able to prove it when he was pointing it at you… you know, shoot a toe off or something like that…

So now they get to repeat the death march, in reverse, paddling upstream…  this is going to take DAYS…

And in case any of you were wondering whether the gun is of any use now, (I was…) it should be, based on this demonstration…

They don’t call him “Ol’ One-Punch” for nothing… one blow sends bad guy AND rock flying…  Impressive too is Mark’s ability to drag Jeff by the scruff of the neck onto dry land and deposit him unceremoniously against a River Birch… Jeff’s gotta go what- two and a half bills??  That’s impressive considering the lack of sleep and nourishment we are dealing with…

“You’re Done…  That’s It!”

Classic words from our hero.  Deep breath, everyone…

Yes, Mark, find the gun.  Find the artifacts.  YOUR work here isn’t done…

As Jeffie-B is relieved of his colt and driven into the shallows, all he can do is pick up… a rock?  This is awesome!  Mark has the wingspan necessary to keep him at bay while he reaches back to deliver a crushing blow!!  Now they can meet on level ground, “sportsmanlike” in the words of Andre the Giant…

Panel one shows Mark in pure “head-down, drive forward” mode.  I have seen this before.  Clearly Mark played some “ball” in his youth…

All I can say is “finally…” this has to be the turning point of this story…  but will Jeff fold up like all the other baddies, or will be come back on Mark?  Stay tuned!

The Gun, the GUN!!  Get THE GUN!!  With the help of his “little friends” Mark Trail is turning the tables on big, bad, evil, son-of-a-bitch bad-ass Jeffie-B.!!  The Wasps CAN tell good from bad as they attack the gun wielding, kidnapping, thieving scoundrel…  Now Jeff wishes he HAD “just killed” Mark Trail, and not turned him into his valet…

Love how Mark can turn his L.L. Bean Chamois-cloth shirt (now on sale!) into a hoodie at a moment’s notice to protect himself from the stinging mass…

So Mark… your next move?  This was a deft strategy in the moment, but have you really thought this through?

But the canoe used to be green… now it’s all washed out…  but no matter.  Mark is summoning his friends the Wasp colony in his bid to be free of Jeff and his drawn pistol…  WASP… White Anglo Saxon Protestant…  Not that Mark has professed any church affiliation that I am aware of, but he certainly fits all the other criteria…

And oh!  It’s when Mark has the presence of mind to not verbalize that we can tell he is actually thinking… and may be able to get out of this predicament he is in!  and Jeff is blithely unaware of what Mark is doing this time!  Walking behind Mark on the Trail… looking off to the side rather than at his captive, Jeff is about to get his comeuppance!  But can Mark protect himself?!? Oh the tension mounts!

With Mark applying proper leverage and “use your legs, not your back” technique, up goes the canoe onto his shoulders.  Of course we could not have anticipated the hornet/wasp nest on the trail.  I think we can see what is going to happen now… But I don’t think the stinging mass is going to be able to discern good from bad… Is Mark going to knock the hive down and then hide under the canoe while Jeff B. gets the life stung out of him?  It is interesting that Mark will have to rely on nature to help him out of this jam… rather than relying on his own rights, lefts and kicks…

But with the Wasp mugging for the camera in panel three like Ferris Bueller, let’s assume they can tell the difference…

I would suppose that after this is all wrapped up, the Trail/Davis’s will NOT EVER want to go back into the woods… “canoe trip,” like “petting zoo” will become a euphemism known only to them as a time filled with nothing but pain, suffering and headaches…

As Mark in panel two contemplates the arc of his life (perpetually 35 years old, has never done anything except what he is doing right now, got married to ensure a roof over his head and three squares a day, tricked into becoming a step father)  he thinks of jumping off the rock face to his death as a viable option to doing Jeff’s bidding…  thinking of the peace that Johnny Walker must know, having hurtled over the edge with the angry, grazed elk, never to scheme again…

…and yet, all Mark can seem to think about is the location of “those artifacts.”  Otherwise, this whole thing will have been for naught.  Like a terrier on a bone, this guy is… even in the face of certain death, he can only think of that which is driving the plot line.  Because really, does anyone think that Mark is actually in mortal danger here?  I mean, the strip is named ‘Mark Trail’ after all… But even as we manufacture some tension, the mind still races as to how Mark gains the upper hand…  does he put the canoe up on his shoulders and then do a 360, taking Jeff out?  He can’t kill Jeff, since he knows where the loot is hidden.  Oh, such a conundrum…

Mark I’d like to keep rooting for you, but this is getting old.  What are you now, oh-for-three in trying to get the upper hand?  And all you keep getting for your trouble is a whack on the head!  Maybe Jeff would be doing you a favor by shooting you…  it’s got to be better than another rap on the noggin…

And there goes Jeff B. monologuing  again… he could have just smacked Mark again and been on his way, but no, he has to show off his superior bad-guy intellect and let Mark know that he’s not so clever after all…  But like Anakin Skywalker thinking he could take Obi Wan in the river of lava, Mark is probably thinking he still has the “upper hand” against this guy holding the high ground AND a loaded gun…

Apparently Mark has not… I mean, how much noise can a man make running along the “rocky ridge,” anyway?  And to be heard above the sounds of paddling and rushing rapids?  Remember, Mark, he has A GUN, and your only advantage, the element of surprise, has just been taken away from you.  But of course you don’t know that… Oh, this doesn’t look good.  Jeff Baucom is a professional bad guy, not like these schlubs  who cheat at fishing tournaments or poach game…

But again, let’s recap… Jeff Baucom has left his partner in crime (literally) behind to fend for himself (I mean how was Jared going to “go the authorities” anyway?)  He has buried the treasure, what he would hope to somehow monetize by what means, a week’s canoe paddle away, upstream, replete with portage opportunities… and they are somehow going to return to it and get it at some date to be determined?  Is this all part of a master plan or is he improvising?   And now he has one angry Nature Writer bearing down on him?  Gun or not, Jeff Baucom has to feel like the heat is closing in on him…

Seriously… and where is he grabbing a shave these days?  As Mark’s supersonic hearing detects the faint strains of a waterfall, he crafts his strategy to intercept Jeff at the Portage… And off he goes, skipping along the sheer rock face like a mountain goat!!

I could be wrong, but Ruffed Grouse, featured in panel three, are not native to the Appalachian Forest, but rather prefer open grasslands… is it Rusty’s spirit come calling?  Remember how he was buried in a shallow grave earlier in this series?

I can see it now… Mark takes the high ground and overcomes Jeff with his surprise attack.  Surprise because how in the world would Jeff have figured Mark to be on his trail? (Ha! Get it?!?)  I mean, he left Mark for Dead, after all, hands tied…

I am sure that Jeff would be interested in knowing that he is heading “for Bent River.”  Just in case anyone is wondering, (I was) the only hits I get on the Google for “Bent River” is a Brewery in Mankato MN, and a couple of street names in GA.  But here we are, Mark has neither slept nor eaten well in days… yet his tracking skills are still razor sharp.  To quote Princess Buttercup, I am sure that Mark could “track a falcon on a cloudy day.” Whatever that means…

We need to return to the scene of the crime though.  What are all the rest up to?  Is Mr. Dunlap still disconsolate?  Muttering declarative statements (“I skin squirrels and make coats out the pelts!) Have they gone to the authorities?  Where is Rusty?  Who is feeding the horses back at Lost Forest?  So many questions so few answers…

…but soft, what hangest so opportunistically from yonder birch?  It’s the always available sharp edge necessary for Mark to free his fists of steel, so he can go after Jeff and bring him down.  Like I said, this is always way too easy.  “I will leave my nemesis in an overly elaborate, escapable situation and assume that it will all just go to plan… what? why do you question my evil wisdom?”

Judging by the knot that Mark is cutting through Jeff has skills.  That appears to be a perfect square knot, which unless you know what you are doing can end up granny style and not very stout.  I hope Mark takes that into consideration as he heads out in search of his quarry.

And thanks, TrailCo, for not interrupting the story on Christmas day… I am not sure I could have taken a day off from this riveting sequence… Sundays are almost more than I can stand…

I can almost hear the Dr. Evil voice coming out of Jeff… This is all so Dr. Evil anyway, with Mark being left in an easily escapable and overly elaborate “trap.”  Of course in panel three Mark looks like he just woke up from a heavy night of drinking, except he doesn’t do that, right?  At least I don’t think he drinks anything stronger than coffee…

I swear we have seen more canoe portaging in this story than at any time in the history of the funny pages…  if nothing else, we all have a good dose of what high adventure with canoe looks like- it’s hard work!!  So if you are into that, have at it, but now you know…

Question is whether Jeff left Mark his share of the beans?  Although, left unattended I am sure they burned to a crisp, then as the fire went cold, solidified into an inedible mass… yuck.  Reconstitute with water?  Probably not worth the effort.

Again, thanks to everyone vocalizing their thoughts.  At least we don’t have to be left wondering what is being thought or planned.  This is still the silliest “caper” ever devised.  All they have accomplished so far is to break an old man’s heart…