Assuming you had ample opportunity to tell whoever was willing to listen to you on the Island all about the exploding atoll, I think you can stop calling out the fact that you survived yet another life threatening encounter with Nature…  You’d best get busy writing that story, Mark!

And the look on Cherry’s face suggests that she’s heard quite enough if it too!

So here we are back in the mountains of North Georgia, awaiting the next plot twist…  let’s hope that it involves an actual villain… heck I’d even settle for an old-fashioned poaching yarn at this point…  but suffice to say this is the last entry I will make in the “Honey and Darling” category.  It’s been with us since June of last year!!  Ugh!

Not sure I even want to go there… How would Mark & Cherry enjoy a vacation?  Let’s hope we don’t have to witness that… let’s hope we fast forward to Lost Forest where they will be reunited with the Foundling and the Father-in-Law…

Yes Mark, you are… and I am sure that you aren’t even channeling Emerson, Lake and Palmer…

OK, he’s new at the comedy thing, and it shows.  So lighten up, dude.  I’m pretty sure that Bill Ellis knows that you didn’t blow up an island…

My wife?  huh?  Really?  You mean you don’t have an assignment for me.. like right now?  C’mon, Bill you’ve always come through for me in the past…

Speaking of assignments, I wonder whether Mark is actually on the payroll of Woods and Wildlife Magazine or if he is a “contractor…”  Considering he ONLY writes for W&W, that Bill Ellis gives him work direction, reimburses all expenses, he had better be, otherwise Ol’ W&W or its parent company could be in a lot of deep water and have some withholding tax to pay…  like 60 years’ worth!

Yes, back at the palatial offices of Woods and Wildlife Magazine… Bill must have a Board Meeting or something- look at how dressed up he is today!  Saks, Burberry or Brooks Brothers for sure…

And note how stoic the pigeon is as all the raptors are closing in!

Sorry to have skipped yesterday’s installment, campers, but I was away and couldn’t get to a computer…  anyway, the banter in these two segments is first rate…  and we can see that Mark is having fun with this…  rather than being his literal self (a volcano erupted) Mark offers up the line, “the island exploded!” Which Bill then hits out of the park with the “…you’ve blown up an island now, Mark!?” response.  Very clever.  And it would seem that Bill is still interested in what Mark has to say, and write even.

But Bill, lets be clear… when would Mark have had time to “put a story together?”  Good or otherwise?  It’s been all of 36 hours or so since you told him he couldn’t rent a boat and put it on his expense account…  And for that matter, when have we ever seen mark hunched over an Underwood No. 5 or laptop and writing anything?  I think it’s all a sham- Mark is the brand while minions crank out the words…

Oh, Honey… I mean Cherry, you don’t understand, do you?  These are Mark’s readers… Mark’s public.  Why, he can barely go anywhere without someone saying, “Oh!  You’re that Mark Trail?  I loved your piece on the Blind Toads of Calcutta…”  Not to be confused with the Blind Boys of Alabama…

And I am quite impressed with Mark’s new-found range of non-verbal expression… No longer the Sphinx…  bound by one or two facial tics…  but a full range of irony and, dare I say… timing.  Oh, OK, being a bit generous there, but I’m just trying to give the author half-a-hand’s worth of encouragement…  Cherry seems to be enjoying herself, anyway…

As Mark remains delusional regarding his place in the universe and the missions that he is called upon to perform, Cherry needs to seriously reevaluate her life and the commitments she has made.  Sure… Mark invited her to join him on a Hawaiian get-away, but ever since they arrived, mark has done his level best to avoid her…  and now feels compelled to call Bill Ellis to inform him that the much anticipated story on the Red Imported Fire Ant crisis in Hawaii will have to be taken down from his whiteboard- in favor of a retelling of the volcano “adventure?”

Or judging by the look on Mark’s face, he is going for humor…  a little levity to help lighten the mood…

But really, what’s with the building in panel one… we have been seeing this for a few days now.  Is this meant to be a replica of the actual Coco Palms resort?  It looks very mid-century…

I guess it is, but not a very good one…  and it would appear that there was a fire that took out the iconic arch and conch shell replica… this fire happened in 2014, and before that it was a hurricane… the resort is scheduled to be re-opened in 2017…  Could it be that Mark & Cherry are in some kind of a twilight zone adventure- moving back in Space-time to the hay-day of Elvis and Blue Hawaii??  Or is Mark so cheap he will only take Cherry to an abandoned resort?

Blue and Red hair, that is…  Mark, the eco-liberal and Cherry, the keeper of all values traditional can find true love!  Maybe a metaphor for the coming age!  Lord knows we need a sign… any sign!

I will say again, though… they have been apart for less than a day?  Phone call, Mark begs for boat rental (actually to have someone else pay for the boat rental,) gets denied, drives out to the chopper pad, gets ditched by Cherry, choppers out to atoll with Cal, meets up with Abbey, climbs and stumbles around, gets chased by boar and lava, jumps off cliff, gets rescued by Cal in Abbey’s boat, chopper having been destroyed, outruns the final explosions and tsunami, and returns to the resort… Honey, I’m home!  Yup, 4 or 5 hours, max.  So the Trail-time equivalent of one hour to one month continues to hold up! Which means we will be in Hawaii another 8 years!

…that we all want to ask.  The steady diet of natural disasters and villain inspired dangers has proven tedious at least and incredible to boot.  No one, simply based on odds, would walk into these situations time after time after time…

So as Mark stands there mute and gob-smacked by Cherry’s intelligent question, we are all left at ask the very same thing.  On the other hand, what choice do we have?  There simply isn’t any interest in watching Mark and Cherry live their dull lives, Mark at the keyboard and Cherry doing what-all… Time for Rusty to get kidnapped again…  that hasn’t happened for a while!  There are rare times that I feel for Mr. Allen, having to keep this boat floating and heading in a direction, when it’s clear that the rudder has been disabled, the keel pulled, and the sails furled…  But as has been suggested by this forum, there are people out there who make a living writing story lines… let’s invest in one, oh mighty syndicate.

…or wanted…

As the camera does a complete 360 degree pan we go from Mark’s starboard to port side, catching his Brylcreemed coiffure, Pepsodent smile and kind, steely eyes…  Now if he could only remember his wife’s name!

So that’s it, Abbey!  Friend or not, you are on your own… never mind that you aren’t staying at the Coco Palms, or even if you aren’t staying on the same island!  Good luck getting back to your conference!  That’s OK… you’re a big girl and you’ll figure it out…

…all in a day’s work…

…as Abbey transmogrifies back into a woman- curves, eyelashes and all…

But oh no… there will be no smooching.  And that assumes that Abbey is even interested…  So as the tension dissipates, we are left to ponder the greater mysteries of the Trailverse, chief among which is… What the hell day is it, anyway?  Has the sun even set?  I don’t think it has.  At least now we know how Mark stays perpetually 32 years old.  The earth doesn’t rotate as quickly for him as it does for us- to wit- I was at the dry cleaners yesterday and received a senior discount… ugh!  Talk about your good news/bad news scenarios…

Like this can’t get any more strange…

Judging by panel two, Abby needs to go get her eyebrows done/dyed.  Never noticed this before, but her natural hair color appears to be jet-black… I guess I was never confronted with an eyes-only shot as we are today.  What other secrets does she have to reveal?  I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow…

…the two gulls arguing over whose turn it is to perch on the post or Abbey and Mark trying to wrap up their “adventure…”  Still more boring chatter about invasive species…  But come to think of it, Abbey, that’s just the point!  the threat is NEVER gone… One must never stop being vigilant… let one’s guard down!

So now that we are back at the Coco Palms, maybe what, a few hours later, Cherry will be poolside working on her 4th or 5th umbrella drink, ready to do some serious relaxing.  Let’s hope that she hasn’t been exposing her northern, alabaster skin to the tropical sun or at least has had he good sense to apply some #45 sun-block…

Will Mark soon be regaling us with tales of exploding islands, or will he just keep it all to himself?  Personally, I think it’s about time for his phone to ring again, since he an Cherry will likely have damn little to talk about…

This is, as they say, a long walk for a short drink of water… and this proves at least that Mark can be in on a joke, even when he is the joke… but it registers nary a courtesy laugh from Cal and Abbey.  I’m guessing they can’t wait to be done with Ol’ Mark.

Looks like Mark is in the middle of the boat… I was thrown yesterday by carelessly placed speech balloons.  And things appear calm… and should be unless a rogue wave takes them out.  That would be about par for the course.

Speaking of Rogue Waves, have you seen Rogue One, a Star Wars Story?  Brilliant.  This has nothing to do with our current Mark Trail Story line but just thought I’d mention that.  Happy New Year everyone!  See you in 2017!

…along with “a few days of ‘vacation’ remaining”… considering it took 5 months of strip time to play out the last 36 hours… aaaggghhh!!

Capital idea, Cal!  Why don’t you head back to Kauai?

And what the hell is floating in the water in Panel 3?  An empañada? Oh that’s right… that would have made more sense in the cave adventure… Probably what Jose and Jefe snacked on en la cantina when they were plotting their human trafficking scheme.  Which added nothing to that story line either… other that shooing Mark & Company into the Cave of wonders…

Not to mention that Abbey’s head, center of the boat in Panel 3, (assuming that’s Mark still talking, since Abbey is technically on the job…) has grown freakishly large.  Oh my goodness, can we please just be done with this?

More sympathy!  Ecchhh!  Not the Trail way!  Obtuse is what we’ve come to expect… Clumsy, incapable of feeling- at least that’s how Mark is around and with his wife… Hey, ever been paddle boarding?

So, as this wraps up, and yes,it will take a week or two at this rate…  We are left to wonder what else is on the Whiteboard at Allen, Inc…  We wonder whether North America Syndicate, unit of King Features Syndicate,  unit of Hearst Holdings, Inc.,  is at all invested in this strip, whether they will throw struggling writers a lifeline, perhaps play muse?  Do more than collect on the annuity that is Mark Trail and other long-running serial strips…  Given that they literally control this world, one really has to wonder whether they are paying attention at all…

I mean, look at this!  If this isn’t world domination, I don’t know what is!  Clearly they are taking their cut and one has to wonder what the “creators” are getting… It’s clearly a situation that if you want to play, you have to play by these rules!

Here are a couple more:

The Universal Press syndicate

and the Washington Post Writers Group:

The latter is interesting as it has the fewest , but features (in retried state) a favorite author of mine, one Berkeley (Berke) Breathed, creator of Bloom County, Opus, Outland and a host of other creative works.  Although it appears that Bloom County is being resurrected, after 25 years, through Opus the Penguin, to embrace the new age, internet and everything…

OK, clearly, as I take few days off around the Holidays, I have a little time on my hands…  Happy New Year a-comin’… 2016 has been a ride, hasn’t it??

And in what… like four years??  As I recall the IUCNWCC (really?) is a quad-annual event.  It just happened in September of 2016, so the next one isn’t until 2020!   First you have to get on the agenda as a speaker, and speaker calls for the next “congress” won’t happen for at least a few years… by that time it’s old and dusty news.  Plus, Abbey, what have you got? A “he-said/she-said” tale with no pictures, no evidence, just a person (you) weaving a highly improbable tale that only puts you at the scene based on another’s witness- Mark Trail, who we all know from the funny papers as being highly suspect and barely able to keep his own credibility boat floating…  I can see the PowerPoint now, full of clip art pictures of travel documents and manifests from Honey and Darling (Lord knows where they are by now…) and stock photos of the the RIFA and its ravages…

And just when I was about to rail on the presence of ORCA in the Hawaiian Island chain, I learned that while rare, these overgrown, distinctly marked, sea-faring porpoises do actually make their home there (proving that in every species a certain number come to their senses and figure out that warm is better than cold) and feast on marine mammals like baby humpback whales…

Seems a bit strange coming out of Mark’s mouth, but yesterday he expressed sympathy over Cal’s lost helicopter, and today he’s telling Abbey he’s sorry about the fact that they didn’t get a “specimen” to prove her hypothesis about invasive species on the island!  But she’s got Mark as a witness, and a more impeachable source one could not possibly ask for!!

Mhmmm, like Yoda, I speak, on the day of Princess Leia’s passing :(

Got new for you, Cal Ol’ buddy… those ants weren’t going anywhere anyway!  Not unless they hitched a ride on Abbey or Mark… which could well be the case!!  Now they will need to be quarantined for a month or so in order to ensure that they aren’t harboring any stowaways…

Cold.  Lifeless. Black.  So said Captain Quint… I’m talking about the shark, of course, and Not Mark Trail… although one could say the same thing about him…

So to heck with the helicopter and the promise of “Good Insurance…”  Is Jaws about to ram that dinghy and start the whole “OMG, Look out”thing all over again?  I’m breathless…

Ticks on the geological clock, as it were…  For one man, in a lifetime, to claim that he has seen coral atolls rise and sink suggests that he was around when Captain Cook plied the trades and even before that…

So this is our Christmas Present… knowing that Mark and Abbey are safe, and but for a (hopefully) uneventful ride back to one of the big islands, we are done with all this nonsense.  Well that only took months… to live a couple of days. Let’s all assume that Cherry has had a  life changing experience as well with the shirtless conch-blower and will regard Mark’s return with little more than a shrug, even as he recounts yet another harrowing tale of death being cheated…

…or Mark… whatever…

Stop turning Abbey into a dude!  Look at the shoulders on her in panel one!

I guess 12 or 13 MPH is all is took to outrun the devastation… You know, is this all a cheap rip-off of the movie San Andreas starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson?   The scene where they have to out-run a tsunami by running straight into it?  Of course in that movie (which, for a latter day Irwin Allen epic was pretty good,) we actually cared about the characters…  OK, at least I did.  Here, not so much.  And a once-more subtle reminder that the disaster movie genre does not translate well to the serial comics format…

Funny how none of these scrapes translates into PTSD for Mark.  He just keeps going back for more.  By now he must realize that the world is out to get him… Oh that it actually would, by some little measure, would be satisfying…