Sorry Campers.  Saturday came and went and the muse didn’t strike…  it was a loverly, mid-summer-like day in the 90’s with humidity to match, and we had nothing going on so we took full advantage of it!  I’ve been pondering the “NUTZ” candy bar punchline for a couple of days now and it’s not entirely out of line…

…having done some camping and hiking in bear country, we never took any food into our tents, but rather aways suspended our victuals, especially sweets, high above the ground, ideally between two trees, in a “Bear Bag.”  If we were in a fixed campsite, there was invariably a “Bear Box” made of heavy duty metal to stow items that might arouse interest, even toothpaste.  The consequence of breaking those rules would be dire- having a bear come visit you in your tent!  Haul you out by your head!  No thank you!!

… said the graduate of film school…  And how nice of Sheriff to unwrap the candy bars…  no sense in having Samson’s tummy ache over trying to pass foil or whatever the candy is wrapped in…

Speaking of movies (OK, serial dramas on Netflix) we just finished watching the first season of OZARK.  Four Stars.  Highly recommend it.  But it got me thinking about one of the common memes surrounding drug trafficking and that lifestyle- what to do with all the neatly stacked Bundles of Benjamins…  In OZARK, we are presented with an anti-hero, one Marty Byrde, who is laundering money for a large Mexican Cartel.  Unlike Breaking Bad where we get to see Walter White go from mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher to drug kingpin Heisenberg, we find Marty already into this life, and the effect it is having on him and his family.  ‘Nuff said, no spoilers… But back to the Benjamins.  Ever wonder how the cash turns into 100-dollar-bills, neatly stacked with a wrapper around them in $10,000 units?  I did the other day and found nothing satisfactory in the way of answer.  Supposing you are in the trade, and your customers all pay with greasy, grimy 5’s and 10’s and maybe 20’s.  You are a long way from 100’s.  And it’s not like you can walk into your neighborhood credit union with you sacks full of cash and request that it be turned into crisp, bound 100-dollar-bills…  at least not without arousing suspicion.  The best answer I found is taking all the small bills to a Casino, buying chips, playing a few hands, and then cashing the chips in…  but that is certainly limited when we consider the sums that are supposedly being laundered… Suffice it to say that with the amount of googling done on this topic, I am probably on someone’s list by now…

…mostly because, hey, who likes to get startled from a sound sleep?  That, and it looks like Sheriff Stober has a bear claw festooned band on his hat… although you’d never know it by the coloring job… they are see-through in the second panel.  And why do they call it a Bear Claw Pastry when clearly it looks more like a Bear Paw??

Johnny!  Listen, boy!  Do what the Sheriff says!!  Now is not the time to be putting Ol’ Sampson (Cousin of Rex over by Cutter’s Bluff?) down!  Reach into the bag!!

That’s all we are to a predator… a walking meat sack.  and given the size of this guy, he needs a good sized meat sack every now and then…

So as Johnny goes from looking like Gene Simmons (without makeup of course) to someone completely different in the next panels,

Sheriff Stober (who has to stand for election every so many years) continues to act all mysterious-like, not really letting Johnny in on the broader plan… Just “reach in my pocket (saddlebag, whatever) and hand me the contents!”  whatever…

Snoring, growling, what’s the difference?  All we know is that today’s installment does little to move this “story” along…

But one thing we do know is that the ‘low rumbling sound’ is not the sound of a lion pride… recall the little head fake we were subjected to back in February when we thought Mark might be traveling back to the Heart of Darkness?  What are we doing here, people?  Seriously.  What are we doing here?

Sheriff Stober!  I know… All I would have had to do is go back through the dailies, but they are painful the first time around, so I was content to not multiply the discomfort!

So with Mark and Crew safe inside the saloon, we cut back to the cave where we are hoping for an encounter with the Shut-in, Cave-bound Grizzly.  Seriously, is he like Bat Boy of Weekly World News Fame?

Speaking of shut-ins, or not, check out the Believe It or Not entry from yesterday:

I am choosing to NOT believe this… not that Ray and Wilma probably haven’t been to 99.85% of the World’s Cracker Barrel locations, and why not the last one we wonder… but  really??  5 million miles?  The earth’s circumference is roughly 25,000 miles, meaning they could have circled the earth 200 times…  or gone to the Moon and back 10 times!!  C’mon, let’s do a little fact checking here!

That’s right,Mark, get inside, and when there isn’t a basement (which I think there is…  tunnels, anyway…) take shelter inside an interior doorway!  Mark probably even remembers climbing under his school desk to protect himself from an atomic bomb!

So with Baldy reunited with his money, stowed, apparently, in a bed-roll, he wears a smile that we haven’t seen, probably, well, ever…

Yea, see, I’m just gonna sashay on up to the bar, order myself a couple of shots of rot-gut, and get the next stage outa here… see??

The look on Mark’s face in panel one is priceless.  Slack-jawed disbelief in the fact that a person could value money over another person!

But what the hell is he doing in the third panel?  Getting ready to fly??  Doing his Clark Kent turns into Superman routine?  Or channeling Fezzik from the Princess Bride?

This is just getting weird.

The Horses are all freaking out due to the wind?  The wind has them?  What about the humans?  Are they impervious to the effects of the Tornadic Gusts?  Two references (thank you Google…) Windhorse and Horse Latitudes, is the best I can come up with…  I will let you read up on those… interesting.

And why, for the love of Mike, are you directing your captors to safety, Mark?  It’s your General Good Nature I guess…  Ahem… is there a writer in the house?  This “story” is in need of direction…

OK, Blondie… you are close.

Indoors, though?  How about underground??  In the tunnels under the Ghost Town?  Dug by whom I wonder??  And what is falling down in the first panel? A giant water heater??

I don’t know what is creepier… The fact that Mark and Baldy are communicating telepathically… right down to font size and characteristics…

…or that the windmill blades are shredding like they are made of Papier-mâché…  but then it wouldn’t be able to stick into the side of whatever building it did.

What will be interesting is whether this little brush with jagged metal will drive the evil Baldy away from the saloon and into the church basement where one of two things will happen- they will get hooked into the tunnel system, home of the biblically named Samson the bear, or they will run into the Church Lady and have to answer to her!!

Not.

Look out!

Everyone Look out!

The dialogue is simply riveting here, folks…

I remind everyone that Mark was taken hostage in Early April.   That was 5 months ago.

<<yawn>>

At least we know where the gun is at…  Baldy took it back from Blondie after she fired the warning shots (all crossed-eyed and stuff) to keep Mark from turning Baldy’s head into cauliflower…

1892, huh?  That’s awfully specific…  What happened in the year 1892 in the South Dakota Badlands?

In 1890 the 7th Cavalry kills more than 250 Lakota men, women and children in what comes to be known as the Wounded Knee Massacre. A solitary stone monument near the town of Wounded Knee marks the site of this tragedy.

In 1892 in Mitchell, South Dakota, a small, 12-year-old city of 3,000 inhabitants, the world’s only Corn Palace was established on the city’s Main Street. It was replaced in 1905 and again in 1921.  But who really cares about that??

The point was made earlier that Mark can and should go wherever the hell he wants to… And why does he care so much for the welfare of those who who would hold him against his will (if he has one) at gunpoint…  I agree.

Bald head, snarling puss…  I don’t take orders from nobody, see?  And I need a drink, get it?  Even though this town is deserted, there’s sure to be a bottle of rot-gut whiskey somewhere in there, certainly more likely there than inside the church… But Mark knows best…

I still don’t get where the ponytailed guy with the plane fits into all of this.  Of course that’s nothing new, these stories have so many loose ends they are difficult to track.  Was it also in this supposed story arc that Dirty Dyer made a very brief return?

Even in a whirlwind of a literal nature, Mark’s hair is barely mussed up…

Looks like the ghost town is going to be an ex-ghost town in a few minutes… which reminds me of a stop in the Badlands that I failed to mention- the 1880 Town…

…looks eerily familiar, doesn’t it??

So yea… get underground everyone!  Leave the horses to themselves!  The entire Herd is now left to its own devices!!

Storm’s a comin’… yes indeed.

Funny how people who (we assume) have never been on a horse are suddenly expert enough to ride at a full gallop…  Although it looks like Baldy is heading in the wrong direction…

It was a bit Ironic that travel plans would take me to the Rapid City, SD area… Unlike Mark, who flew right into RC, SD and was immediately taken hostage, I got to enjoy a few sites and sights along the way… Not unlike the Leave it to Beaver story arc that had me visiting Toronto for a few days only to discover the ubiquitous nature of  the American Beaver (Castor Canadensis) in Canada!

Here we get a sense of Mr. Allen’s (shall we say quirky?) sense of humor…  OK, moving right along, slowly…

I am sure that Johnny is already tired of being the Sheriff’s set up man… delivering straight lines to the Sheriff’s mysterious and ironic responses…

But enough of this Mark Trail inspired tomfoolery and suggestions of relationships with Grizzly bears that don’t / shouldn’t exist…  Let’s take a peek at some photos from SODAK 2017…

First Stop, The Corn Palace, Mitchell, SD.

Features  “a-maize-ing” (ha!) murals made of corn!  And Hosts events inside with a capacity of 3,200 seats.  It is also home to the Dakota Wesleyan University Tigers and the Mitchell High School Kernels basketball teams.  Your faithful scribe is featured bottom left with a seemingly happy ear of corn!

Next onto Chamberlain, which, according to its own history has struggled to be a place where people would want to actually stay… but really served as a jumping-off point for many, including Lewis & Clark!

At the rest stop there is a magnificent statue!  As found on Trip Advisor:  Officially titled “Dignity,” the statue depicts a colossal (50 ft. high) Native American woman holding aloft a star quilt. It was built of steel by sculptor Dale Lamphere, weighs 11 tons, and was dedicated on Sept. 17, 2016. The statue cost over $1 million, and is engineered with pivoting diamond-shaped panels in the quilt so that wind can blow through it and not blow the statue over.  

According to the Artist:  Her Name is Dignity.  Standing at the crossroads, Dignity echos the interaction of earth, sky and people.  It brings to light the beauty and promise of the indigenous peoples and culture that still thrives on this land.  The intent is to have the sculpture stand as an enduring symbol of our shared belief that all here are sacred, and in a sacred place.

Between Chamberlain and Wall, SD, there are over 60 billboards warning the weary traveler of the Drug Store in Wall that features free ice water and 5-cent cups of coffee… Upon arrival though, one finds the greatest of all tourist traps (probably) in the lower 48… enough said.

And what trip to SD would be complete without a visit to Mount Rushmore?

…still breathtaking, especially on a clear, sunny day.

We also took a trip to the Crazy Horse Memorial, the scale of which is ridiculous… all the heads of Mount Rushmore will fit into the head/hair of Crazy Horse.  This sculpture was commissioned and started around the same time as Rushmore, but remains a work in progress, accepting no federal monies and relying on contributions.  It’s the work of the Korczak Ziolkowski family, and continues today.

On the way through the badlands, we stumbled upon the “Prairie Homestead” which offered a glimpse of life in a sod house.  This homestead was established in 1909, was occupied until the 1950’s and features the house, a storm/root cellar, an outhouse (poor fella…) snakes and prairie dogs (white ones, which is a bit of a rarity according to the guides…)

Finally, and with a sound one can only image, here’s part of what greeted us every morning at our mountain rental, as we shared the trails with a herd of Black Angus Beef Cattle…

Johnny and Sheriff better wipe their feet before they come inside…

Took a day off but am back at it… and this is making even less sense that it ever has…

Yup, let’s recount…  Sheriff What’s His Name shows up and demands strong horses (plural) and rides off… Chides Johnny about the “pony” he is riding… sends his pony back to the ranch alone (magic homing horses??)  And now informs him that they are going to enter the cave on foot, sending their remaining mounts back tot he ranch, alone…

And now they enter the cave on foot and with flashlight (thank goodness we aren’t being asked to believe in some form of naturally occurring bioluminescence…)  And Sheriff warns Johnny about the “pits” that abound in the grizzly cave…  Johnny I ask you again, why aren’t you asking for the broader plan, why are you being a sheep?  Why the long face in the second panel?

You all may find this mildly ironic… I am actually on a family vacation in the Black Hills of South Dakota!  Passed through Wall and Rapid City yesterday and am staying in a nice rental on top of a mountain!  Did a little fishing this morning… more excursions planned for the coming week.  Funny, though, no signs of Mark, Baldy, Sheriff, Johnny or anyone!

But what’s this?  No one wants to go Spelunking without a harness?  We have done the cave thing before, haven’t we, faithful followers of this meandering an ill-conceived (although reasonably well drawn) serial?

Note- I posted the first two installments above yesterday, but not in a place where you all could see it… good gravy- I’ve only been doing this sine January of 2013…

I will probably wait ’til the weekend to post again- internet in the Black Hills is dodgy!

…and perhaps look for inconsistencies in the artwork.

Johnny is now supposedly on the other draft horse, not his “frightened little pony,” but the colors are all wrong.  The horse that Sheriff what’s-his-name was dragging behind him was not white or gray, but more chestnut…  and Johnny’s “pony” was definitely white/gray…

Johnny, why are you following this guy?  Aren’t your senses tingling at this point?  You are a private citizen taking direction from a known abuser of power…  who will probably be looking for a Presidential pardon at some point in his career…  Law Man of the Year?  Who ever heard of such a thing??

This Sheriff dude is proving to be quite the know-it-all…

What gear?  They lit off without so much as a poncho!!  And Sheriff, could you be any more condescending?  Your Little Pony?  Please… technically “pony” is reserved for any equine less than 14.2 hands high… and other considerations…  but judging from the proportions in the last panel and in previous days, Johnny’s mount ain’t no pony…  either that, or Johnny has suddenly shrunk to child-size.  So, calm, heavy horses it is.  Like Boxer in George Orwell’s Animal Farm… Unquestioning, unwavering, faithful to the end in whatever power structure is in place and whatever task is put before him.

You’ve been found out sheriff!  Johnny is calling you on your story.  Along with your faithful readers who pointed out that Griz simply don’t live in the Black Hills…

So, um, yea, see…  he doesn’t come out unless he’s hungry… sticks to the caves…  he’s over 100 years old, Ol’ Sampson is…  What a crock!!  So even if you have to “deal with that bear,” his eyes will be cloudy with cataracts and he won’t have any teeth left…