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Monthly Archives: December 2017

Oh good! Another Raccoon Reference…

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Seriously.  I was afraid I’d have to go back to yesterday’s installment and make an update… Since I had glossed over the obvious cinematic reference…

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What is that you wonder?  Well certainly that has to be “Rocket Raccoon” from the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise…  the brash yet vulnerable “product of genetic engineering on lower life forms” producing a brilliant character that adds quite a bit to the story lines!  Just watched the sequel last night… Very entertaining!

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But yes, this is all filler… let’s get to the next story, please!!  I won’t know what to do with the next 6 months of my life otherwise!!

What in the World does the Raccoon have??

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A piece of Bark??  Yummy!

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But what do we know about Racoons?  Or Raccoons?  For one, we can spell it either way…  Also, according to fun facts, there has only been one recorded incident of a Raccoon passing on Rabies to a human…  It’s also well established that Raccoons are the “clever ones” in the animal kingdom, as evidenced by their dexterous forpaws, an repeated depictions of getting the best of humans and other animals…  Like this scene and this  scene from the John Candy Classic, “The Great Outdoors.”

The tension is always building at Lost Forest…

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Whether it’s Andy racing around with a blood-red tongue…

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…or Mark (apparently) providing the voice over…

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The plot instantly thickens- at least now we know where the (presumably now deceased) King Tut got the inspiration for his chin ornament… Not the Ring-tail Lemur, but rather the Racoon!  Spitting image!!

But seriously, Lost Forest Denizens, haven’t you gotten the memo about composting food scraps?  If you do that, then there’s nothing left for the Racoons to pick over…

Remember Andy?

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Big, smelly dog, faithful and constant companion to Mark and Cherry?

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Restless, huh?  But, Mark, you’ve only been gone a couple of days!  In  fact, you re home early!!  Never mind that the Black footed ferret story played out for MONTHS… the elapsed time was only days!  What else might you have missed out on?  Maybe Rusty needs to be taught how to shave?  Naa… he’ll be 8 years old forever, just like Andy!

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But who is doing the talking?  Some disembodied voice-over?  Clever and Alert?  With big question marks floating around his his head??

Dirty’s a …murderer…

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Wow, well that didn’t take long.  It seems that screech of Gulls was our indication that that Dirty offed Tut and now has his cash in a duffel bag, origins unknown…

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…and we are now clear that his real intention is to visit Trail to get a little (or a lot of) payback.  Boy, talk about holding a grudge!! Yikes!

Weapons Training?  How many plot points are we setting up in this one installment??

Harbour Island does look pretty awesome, though…

OK, it’s a Horn-handled Knife…

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… and a snarl.  The words “Trust” and “Dirty” apparently only go so far together, so far as you acquiesce to his expectations…

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One really has to wonder how the “Fat Man” can be so stupid?  But there’s always tomorrow…

See? I told You!

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Start with 20 grand, he offers you 15…  Blurt out 10, all you get is 5!

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5 Grand?  Really?  Why, he’d have to turn that trick every quarter just to get to the poverty line.  Take a vacation?  That’s a joke.  A criminal’s work is never done… It’s not like they have Paid Time Off or a retirement plan…  The pressure to always have a new plan, a next caper… That’s gotta suck.  I was self-employed for a while in my storied career and I know how that feels.  Engaged on day and scraping the next!  And what I was doing was legal!

Is it my imagination, or is Tut getting more and more rotund?

But wait!  Dirty has something up his sleeve, or down his shorts, as it were…  What’s he reaching for?  Is that a Rhino Horn?

Look, Ma, no safe!

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As Terminator Dirty makes his full anger known, King Tut goes to his safe and, with the door already open, (huh?) we see fat stacks and a solid gold falcon…

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But wait!  Why is the door already open, and more importantly where the heck did the safe come from??

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It certainly wasn’t there before, as evidenced by the earlier installment below…  unless there is more than a single mount in the room, but I am pretty sure that’s the only one…

I know… picky, picky, picky.   But c’mon.  Let’s employ a little continuity here, shall we?

Industrial Grade?

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$10,000?

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What millennium are we living in here?  We have to be looking at in excess of 2o total carat weight, here…  And Dirty, you have committed the classic negotiating blunder…  you shouldn’t lead with your final offer/ request…  Mr. Lemur-tail Chin is playing you like I would image you are used to being played, except you don’t even realize it.  Let’s at least hope you stole these diamonds, otherwise your cost of goods leaves you little in the way of actual profit…  even if you do find someone to fence these for you…

Oh, the life of a criminal…

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As we return to the coastline of sunny Southern Florida, we find Dirty Dyer trying to turn his ill gotten booty into some ready cash…

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…only to find that, to his great shock, surprise and disappointment, King Tut/Victor Buono isn’t prepared to help him do that…  What? Has he suddenly “Broken Good?”  Gotten out of the business?  Is he on parole and afraid of getting thrown back in the can?  Well, let’s hope that Dirty has a ‘Plan B’ in mind…

…aaaand CUT!

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Apparently Mr. Allen can’t take a hint…

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Mark, really?  You always say that??  Is that only when YOU don’t have to do the cooking? Finish with some vague reference to a dead catfish getting eviscerated by a bald eagle, and NOW we are out.

Poor Sarita…

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She suffers from what is known as RBF… Resting-Bitch-Face.  Even as Mark flashes his Pepsodent Smile in the third panel, I bet she’s still glowering at him…

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But seriously?! Ahn-Chee-LA-Thas?  Because her name ees Sarr-REE-Ta?  And Mark that’s a super lame joke… When have Prairie Dogs ever been on the menu?  Unless you are a Black-footed Ferret, which is what drew you out to South Dakota in the first place!  OK, I think we are done here… can we leave now?

Clip one, Clip two, and we’re out…

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By know it’s not even news to say that images are recycled… Heck, I’d probably do that too if I were in charge of a daily…  and I won’t waste my time and energy looking for exact matches, but trust me kids, they are out there…

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So with Mark heading back to Lost Forest early, Cherry will have to send her boyfriend (I’m sure she has one, right?) packing… OK maybe not… but still, I can do without all the hugging, nose-touching and other forms of honey-cafuddling that are sure to ensue upon his return.  Remember, gang, he’s been gone a day…  and the more likely response would be, “Hey, what are you doing home?  Would it have killed you to call me, especially after the FBI called here to report that you once again got your sorry ass in a bind?”

Well, at least the Eagle came to its senses and found a dead (cat)fish to pick off the lake surface to feed the hungry eaglets…  Much as we want to believe otherwise, Bald Eagles are for the most part scavengers, not the fearsome and aggressive hunters we have in mind…  They recycle Nature’s offerings and even Man’s cast-offs…

Oh, heck ya!

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… as we say in Minne-soota.  Considering that only a day (or two at most) has transpired, I am sure that Mark’s return flight isn’t for a few days, at least!!  Let’s get after them dogs!!

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Look at the faces on Jimmy and Sarita.  They look positively, I don’t know… nonplussed.  As if bank-robbing kidnappers make their way through their home on a regular basis…  Like this is no big deal.

So, as Sheriff Stober puts another notch on his gun belt, he will put this into his “Why I Deserve to be ‘Lawman of the Year’ and get Re-elected” file. Heck… I’d vote for him.  But what about the FBI?  The guy with the putting-green hair style?  Was their role in all this only to describe Sheriff Stober and the fact that he carries a tomahawk?  So that said tomahawk could come into play, breaking Baldy’s hand and turning the tables?  That’s a lot of government salary and taxpayer money to basically ignore a kidnapping and bank robbing situation.  Or is it the fact that it was still a local matter, the misanthropic highway-people hadn’t crossed a state line yet?

So do we get back to Dirty and the Diamonds now?  I am waiting to see where this goes before I open a new Category… I have been head-faked before…

Like the groundhog, Mark lives to fight(?) another day…

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Unlike Mark Trail of yore, we are only treated to wildlife art every now and then… When Dodd and Elrod held the tiller, it was worked into damn near every installment.  So as we are treated, below, to a Bald Eagle fanning on an attempt to secure dinner for his brood, we are reminded of what a wimp Mark has turned into…

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“Gosh, yes, Sheriff, whatever would we have done if you hadn’t come along??”  Sounds like something Rusty would say, not Mark.  Mark used to be able to take care of himself.  But no longer, apparently.

At least one of the loose ends is tied off…

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Ah yes, the horses…  As I recall, Sheriff Stober commandeered most if not all of the herd in pursuit of the Bank Robbers, who will remain nameless, it would seem.  I also recall that Mark, Lone Elk, Baldy and Blondie each had a mount as well…  Let’s hope they were included with the “other horses” referenced…

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And is it just “Sarita?”  Not Sarita Ryan?  Aren’t they married?  Or did Jimmy just find her somewhere roaming the Badlands in search of a life mate?  When will she realize that she is Cherry’s twin sister, separated at birth, who has an equal right to the estate of “Doc” Davis, which includes millions of acres of protected land in the Northern Georgia Mountains, otherwise known as “Lost Forest?”

Speaking of Lost Forest, we will probably be treated to a reunion of sorts with the Trail clan, after Mark and Lone Elk get back to checking out the Black-footed Ferret population on the Res…

“Pains I went through?” “Passing them?” Ha!! Get it?!

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There’s really only one sure way to get contraband through customs… and that’s up one’s arse.  I am sure that’s what is being referenced here:

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The vague (or not so vague) reference to “passing stones” could also apply to the kidney variety (ouch!) but I am sure we are closer to this:

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The classic scene in Pulp Fiction where Christopher Walken passes the gold watch on to Bruce Willis’ character as a young boy…  What an awesome movie… What a wonderful cameo!  And the fact that Tarantino, as director, has done a cameo in most (all?) of his own movies is a ready topic for discussion.

Now that’s the Ol’ Dirty we know…

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Always scheming, always with a trick up his sleeve!

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I still can’t quite get over that Lemur tail that is hanging off this guy’s chin, though!  I mean, really?  What kind of a statement are we making here??  And I can’t quite place that headgear either…  Is it middle-eastern?  Not quite… Some level of regalness about it, that’s for sure…

What is that on his chin, anyway?

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Looks like a Ringtail Lemur gave up its tail for the benefit of this guy’s “look..”

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Are they “blood diamonds?”  One can only imagine… however it may be a bit odd that they are already cut and polished.  At least they are a bit easier to transport than Rhino Horns!  And how did he manage to get them through customs?  OK, I don’t want to know.  Too much information there…

Who in the world???

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Non-verbal clowns… named after German Kaisers… making (again) front page news… “Set to retire?”  Who even tracks or cares about such things??

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But enter, stage left, who?  Shake-ya-booty?  He looks like Victor Buono, the guy who played the evil King Tut on the original Batman TV series starring Adam West and Burt Ward??

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“Unexpectedly Extended…?”  As usual, who in the world talks like that??  But it’s clear that these two have history…  which we will no doubt learn more about in the coming weeks!