C’mon, man, don’t you know anything??

It’s kind of funny.  Neither of them know what the heck they are talking about.  At least Professor Gabriel could position himself as an expert on the White Nose Bat Syndrome situation (fat lot of good that did him, though, especially with the ladies…)  and here we have a writer and a desk-jockey out tromping through the jungle (again, from where or how did that emerge…) thinking they know the first thing about Imported Red Fire Ants…

We appear to be moving past the ruins, as if there were no particular reason for us to have even found them… sort of like the bi-plane in the giant sinkhole during the cave mis-adventure…  another distraction that leads nowhere.  I won’t be head-faked, this time, nor will our heroes.  They stay firmly focused on finding those ants!

…About Honey and Darling’s fate… Now she’s nothing but questions…  Oh, Mark, who built this wall?  What happened to the people who built it?  Why would they flee the island??  By the third panel, Mark is shrugging his shoulders as if to say, “How the hell should I know, lady?  What? do I look like Wikipedia??”

No entries on the internets about lost Hawaiian civilizations…  But it’s early and there is no doubt more to reveal.  I feel a history lesson coming on.  I’m thinking that the spider in the third Panel is random, much like it was in the cave system…

Sort of like a trial judge (on TV at least) warning counsel that they may be treading on thin ice and that they had better prove the relevance of their line of questioning fast or the whole thing is going to get struck from the record…  here we are again…  I’d like to think (again) that Mr. Allen has a plan, a storyboard if you will, that will make sure that we don’t just meander for the next few weeks (or months…)

An ape?  Really Mark?  Unless you have stumbled onto the Honolulu Zoo, your chances of finding an ape are pretty thin… but oh, I get it… humor.  You are going for a laugh here.  A little bit of “I play a Naturalist in a comic strip” humor, which immediately works for anyone who knows that there are no Wild Primates in Hawaii.

So, drawn to the “other side,” much like a moth to a flame, Mark will certainly go and find out what’s there.  Flash to Cherry by the pool who is, by now, thinking that shirtless doorman is looking pretty good…

Well, Well. What do you know?  As we go deeper into the rain forest, we stumble upon a lost civilization!   One that could never have been spotted from the sky!!  But it took Abbey and Mark on a wild-ant-chase to make its acquaintance…  the only thing missing now is a band of bad guys wielding AK-47’s…

Yes, and apparently the people who inhabited the island had stone cutting tools and cranes?  A case for Ancient Aliens?? I have to admit I have found compelling such arguments that the ancient, prehistoric and semi-prehistoric civilizations could not have possibly built structures on the scale that they did without “help.”  Like the ongoing debate regarding the Egyptian Pyramids?  So many questions!  And perhaps some answers!!

Mark has the look on his face that suggests that he has been here before- told about something only to not have it materialize- remember the bats with the White Nose Syndrome?  Mark never saw a single bat in all the time (months to the poor readers) spent in the cave system… and yet he still wrote a story on it?

Yup, because that what ants will do… right Abbey?  The move in, take over and, well, there goes the neighborhood…  But again, I thought this was a rocky little atoll.  It now appears that we have stumbled into a full-fledged rain forest…  Yeah, I’m scratching my head too, Mark.  I wonder how many Blue Hawaiians Cherry has ordered up by now… She had the right idea.

Wow, I could have sworn I posted something yesterday… but I guess not… a draft post awaited me this morning with nary a comment.  Just the strip.  I’m sure I stared at it a few times and nothing came… which is not unusual these days…

But today there is, ummm, intimacy?  Awkwardness?  Why, a woman hasn’t used the Trail as a “landing spot” since the cave adventure…

So as Mark Billy-goats his way along the rocky outcropping and with that strange bit of touching, we are all left to feel just slightly uncomfortable…  and to wonder what Abbey’s true motives are…

As  Abbey, ummm, mounts the boulder, Mark looks on with curiosity and wonder,  wishing he had brought his rock climbing gear, but alas, he lost it in the cave adventure…

Nice list, Abbey.  Reminds me of how many ways, according to Benjamin Buford  “Bubba” Blue, one can prepare shrimp…

We had almost forgotten you buddy!  And it would seem that you are the only one that has any common sense… but then you made it out of the ‘Nam in one piece, so you can be assumed to have good instincts…  and following a Nature Writer and an “Agent” of the USDA (hey, she can pretend, right??) into the Hawaiian wilderness is probably something you should avoid…

So with Cal’s ears growing, and Abbey’s face changing by the day…

Or simply the deft use and re-use of the same unrecognizable face…

…but at least in Mark’s case, the little forelock hairs are slightly different… sort of like the Slylock Fox Comic that asks the reader to point of what is different between to seemingly identical pictures…

And with that, the longest sentence fragment ever in the history of the blogosphere, I leave you all to wonder what will happen once Mark and Abbey hit the “Trail…”  Ha!  See what I did there??

As opposed to the the Domestic variety?  They must have hailed from somewhere at some point- had to be indigenous before they became invasive… Looks like they came from South America originally…   Lest I appear to any readers as being cavalier about invasives, let me assure you I am not.  But we really can be our own worst enemy sometimes…  the “Bighead” or “Asian” Carp that is knocking on the door of the Great Lakes system is a real threat and brought to us courtesy of the catfish farmers down south… who started introducing this species into their catfish ponds to help keep them clean.  One flood later and poof, the genie’s out of the bottle and there’s  only so much we can do to stop them.  Another example is the Buckthorn Plant… deemed a noxious weed in Minnesota by our own DNR, various versions can still be purchased over the counter at you local nursery or home center…

But, but, but… I thought Abbey already retrieved a specimen?  I’m so confused.  Whatever.  And hey… I have an idea.  Why don’t you both board the Helicopter and have Cal fly you up there?  I’m sure he could hover precariously as you both execute a tetherless rappel (I just made that one up…) which to the uninformed would look like two people leaping out of a helicopter onto a small outcropping.  No risk there…

It just occurred to me, looking at the pained and manufactured expressions on the faces of Mark and Abbey, that they are styled after Kabuki…

While Mark maintains the Trailian visage (seen in panel one) more that anything else, we have also seen him, through facial expressions, go for other emotive states- irony, sheepishness, cluelessness, anger, all the way to ‘hey I just made a joke here…’ But that’s nothing compared to Abbey’s transformation in both emotion and facial shape between panels two and three…  Anger to sadness and resignation almost in mid sentence.

So as it becomes apparent that the ants have taken the high ground, and therefore have strategic placement advantage, I’m guessing that Mark and Abbey will be climbing the same precarious slopes that Abbey earlier slipped and fell down.  Good luck with that!

…seems that you have done all the research…  and it seems as though the USDA database is replete with details…  about the comings and goings of every American (we assume they are American, heck, they looked American…)  Is anyone else concerned?  So with finger wagging, Abbey recounts all the details of the “mystery…” which leaves us to wonder, “what’s next?”

And are we to believe that every ship that puts into a given harbor is given a thorough inspection for invasive species?  Drugs, I understand, but invasive species??  What with all the fresh fruit loaded onto cruise ships throughout the world, are they inspected?  I suppose so.  But it appears that in the U.S. we more concerned with human trafficking than invasives…  but depending on what side of the immigration argument you are on, invasives can come in different shapes and sizes…

But a quick check of the procedure in New Zealand suggests that the inspection is quite thorough… including a six-step biosecurity inspection and clearance…  So it’s conceivable that the ants were discovered upon reaching New Zealand and a complete history of their travels documented!  How could I ever have doubted!!  But how on earth do you live on a boat, no matter how big, with ant colony??  ick.

And I’m sure… a picnic lunch…  we all know what they really did on those white sand beaches…

Geez, Mark you really are full of yourself, aren’t you…  Are you just trying to impress Abbey, or what?  Your pilot?  Please. In the span of an afternoon, Cal has not become yours…  Abbey Powell, breathless in the presence of The Trail, isn’t helping with all this…

And what’s with all the sudden vegetation?  Fully grown palm trees and flowers?  This was a rocky, volcanic outcropping until you showed up and then poof!  Cue the Palms!

With various forms of wildlife enjoying cameo roles (hearkening back to the Trailverse of old) we see the long-shot approach and the eager anticipation that is meant to create a modicum of expectation for this story.

With the island not shaking anymore, and Abbey back on her feet with her glasses on, Mark makes his grand entrance (with Cal’s help, of course…)

I will say it again- what’s missing in all this is the bad guy (or gal) that threatens to lay waste to fragile ecosystems, to poach rapaciously the innocent fauna that might be hanging by a thread.  While I should probably care about invasive species and man’s role in spreading them around, there’s no story line in it.  At least not for me.  Bring back Big Mike, or the corrupt Senator’s aid, or Dirty Dyer the Rhino Horn trafficker,  or that skinny milquetoast who wanted to mine titanium oxide from the Great Dismal Swamp…    anything… please…

OK, kids,  we’ve seen this before…  Abbey Powell taking a bad step, and a random earthquake RRRUUUUMMMMMBBBBBLLLLLEEEE…  at least this is more plausible here than in the cave story.  Appears that Earthquakes are a daily thing in Hawaii, although registering only 1.0 – 2.0  on the Richter scale…

Abbey Powell needs to have a word with James Allen.  If he going to feature her (a real person with a life, presumably with ambitions,) she can’t allow him to continue to portray her as a stumbling oaf…  Hey, I mean, I have daughter, probably about Abbey’s age, trying to make her way in the world of science, and this kind of portrayal helps no one…

So pick yourself up and dust yourself off, Abbey… blow the coral dust out of your nose and pretend this never happened, right??

According to TC, I mean Cal, this is an unstable volcanic formation… shows what Abbey might know… or the Narrator for that matter.  And Abbey, to whom exactly are you speaking?  The Horseshoe Crab in the foreground?  But it’s comforting in its own way to have her talking aloud to herself, in time-honored Mark Trail fashion…

So as Abbey waits patiently for Mark to arrive, apparently leaving the details to take care of themselves, (Today?  Does that mean morning, afternoon, or evening? Did Abbey stay there guarding the island in the meantime?) we are left to wonder how she made a positive ID on the type of ant they are dealing with… and whether, ultimately, this is going to call for the inestimable resources of the USDA to mount an offensive against it…

And by “scour the island” you mean what?  Oh, OK, probably just what it sounds like…  in my search for meaning and inspiration I will grab at any possible double-entendre that might appear…

Or the shark to bite.  Something.  Some mornings I am immediately struck by what I want to comment on, but other mornings it’s a struggle…

As we wait to get to the island, we are left to pull out the Ol’ Tedium-Meter® … last seen in the Bio-Luminescent cave system…

…like the EAB (Emerald Ash Borer) this little terror (the Coconut Rhinoceros Beetle) has wreaked havoc on the Hawaiian ecosystem by threatening a necessary and iconic feature- coconut and date palm trees…

Ugly little thing, ain’t it??  What is it about invasive species, at least these two, that are reduced to three letter acronyms??  Does James Allen get all his story ideas from the USDA website?  I think he must…

And why haven’t the Rhinoceros lovers of the world risen up and filed an anti-defamation suit against the naming of this pest?  While it has a vague likeness, the two aren’t even in the same league as it pertains to what role they play, one a victim of its own physiology, the other a destroyer of economies!

Red Imported Fire Ants?  as opposed to the domestic, home grown variety?  I guess it’s a real thing…  Never doubt the Trail, Dennis, never doubt the Trail…

Your natural, trusting instincts can get you in trouble… you don’t know whose side Cal is on- yours or the invasive species’…  so best you make up a back story that seems plausible but doesn’t give away the true nature of your mission…  although that invasive species line would be the perfect cover for another, more nefarious plot of your own, so by now Cal must be thinking that you are full of it…

But soft!  Do I detect foreshadowing?  As in, “The island has been quiet for several years now…”  I’ll bet you dollars to donut holes that we are in for a doozy!  But really? Where’s the story here?  This atoll is completely segregated from other islands, and unless ants learn to build rafts and migrate I think that the problem is solved…  or at least contained…

Thanks to everyone who weighed in on ant reproductive cycle and methods… very entertaining.  For the record, I have to believe that Mark and Cherry have yet to consummate their marriage.  To think otherwise would shatter all notions we hold dear in the Trailverse…

Or since Cal has already acknowledged being a big fan of Mark’s work, and therefore must know that he already knows all this “volcano” stuff, perhaps Cal can’t help himself but to go into his normal schpeel about volcanos and what-not…

…so as Mark patiently listens to the lesson in geography, above the din of the rotor and unmuffled exhaust, we whirl our way toward the tiny atoll… that is if it and Abbey are still there…

But wait a gosh-darn minute… were their two ants in that pile of logs that Honey and Darling brought with them to the island?  Or was the one that bit (was it Honey or Darling…) pregnant, otherwise how could the infestation have taken hold??  I’m still holding out hope that we will find skeletons locked in an embrace, but certainly not holding my breath, you know?

Thanks again, Dan P. for this awesome reference.  I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry thinking that there are members of congress this misinformed…  of course he was challenged and quickly defended his statement as part of his “schtick…”  Reminds me of the scene from Arthur where Dudley Moore introduces his date, Princess Gloria, to his aunt and uncle… I’m talking small…

Yes, and as long as we don’t mean politically unstable I think we’ll be OK…  no tin-horn despots hoarding uranium and spinning it down to weapons grade or anything like that.

So as Mark and Cal continue their conversation over the din of the Hughes 500D, we are left to wonder two things- did Abbey really just cool her heels on this atoll long enough for Mark to be turned down (#letmarkrentaboat) and find a chopper pilot and drive to the chopper and then fly out to see her?  And what of Cherry, now that she is free to roam the resort with her 7 minute abs?