Apparently Mr. Allen can’t take a hint…

Mark, really?  You always say that??  Is that only when YOU don’t have to do the cooking? Finish with some vague reference to a dead catfish getting eviscerated by a bald eagle, and NOW we are out.

She suffers from what is known as RBF… Resting-Bitch-Face.  Even as Mark flashes his Pepsodent Smile in the third panel, I bet she’s still glowering at him…

But seriously?! Ahn-Chee-LA-Thas?  Because her name ees Sarr-REE-Ta?  And Mark that’s a super lame joke… When have Prairie Dogs ever been on the menu?  Unless you are a Black-footed Ferret, which is what drew you out to South Dakota in the first place!  OK, I think we are done here… can we leave now?

By know it’s not even news to say that images are recycled… Heck, I’d probably do that too if I were in charge of a daily…  and I won’t waste my time and energy looking for exact matches, but trust me kids, they are out there…

So with Mark heading back to Lost Forest early, Cherry will have to send her boyfriend (I’m sure she has one, right?) packing… OK maybe not… but still, I can do without all the hugging, nose-touching and other forms of honey-cafuddling that are sure to ensue upon his return.  Remember, gang, he’s been gone a day…  and the more likely response would be, “Hey, what are you doing home?  Would it have killed you to call me, especially after the FBI called here to report that you once again got your sorry ass in a bind?”

Well, at least the Eagle came to its senses and found a dead (cat)fish to pick off the lake surface to feed the hungry eaglets…  Much as we want to believe otherwise, Bald Eagles are for the most part scavengers, not the fearsome and aggressive hunters we have in mind…  They recycle Nature’s offerings and even Man’s cast-offs…

… as we say in Minne-soota.  Considering that only a day (or two at most) has transpired, I am sure that Mark’s return flight isn’t for a few days, at least!!  Let’s get after them dogs!!

Look at the faces on Jimmy and Sarita.  They look positively, I don’t know… nonplussed.  As if bank-robbing kidnappers make their way through their home on a regular basis…  Like this is no big deal.

So, as Sheriff Stober puts another notch on his gun belt, he will put this into his “Why I Deserve to be ‘Lawman of the Year’ and get Re-elected” file. Heck… I’d vote for him.  But what about the FBI?  The guy with the putting-green hair style?  Was their role in all this only to describe Sheriff Stober and the fact that he carries a tomahawk?  So that said tomahawk could come into play, breaking Baldy’s hand and turning the tables?  That’s a lot of government salary and taxpayer money to basically ignore a kidnapping and bank robbing situation.  Or is it the fact that it was still a local matter, the misanthropic highway-people hadn’t crossed a state line yet?

So do we get back to Dirty and the Diamonds now?  I am waiting to see where this goes before I open a new Category… I have been head-faked before…

Unlike Mark Trail of yore, we are only treated to wildlife art every now and then… When Dodd and Elrod held the tiller, it was worked into damn near every installment.  So as we are treated, below, to a Bald Eagle fanning on an attempt to secure dinner for his brood, we are reminded of what a wimp Mark has turned into…

“Gosh, yes, Sheriff, whatever would we have done if you hadn’t come along??”  Sounds like something Rusty would say, not Mark.  Mark used to be able to take care of himself.  But no longer, apparently.

Ah yes, the horses…  As I recall, Sheriff Stober commandeered most if not all of the herd in pursuit of the Bank Robbers, who will remain nameless, it would seem.  I also recall that Mark, Lone Elk, Baldy and Blondie each had a mount as well…  Let’s hope they were included with the “other horses” referenced…

And is it just “Sarita?”  Not Sarita Ryan?  Aren’t they married?  Or did Jimmy just find her somewhere roaming the Badlands in search of a life mate?  When will she realize that she is Cherry’s twin sister, separated at birth, who has an equal right to the estate of “Doc” Davis, which includes millions of acres of protected land in the Northern Georgia Mountains, otherwise known as “Lost Forest?”

Speaking of Lost Forest, we will probably be treated to a reunion of sorts with the Trail clan, after Mark and Lone Elk get back to checking out the Black-footed Ferret population on the Res…

Really?  Can this be it?

A cut here and paste there, a bad one-liner, and voila!  The story wraps up!

I guess it takes a nature writer to know when too leave well enough alone… despite whatever “arrangement” one might have with Nature…

And are we to believe that this all just goes to plan?  That the Trio of Terribles will just comply now that they have been “caught?”  OK, Whatever…

Seriously.  There is so much wrong with today’s installment I barely know where to begin…

By “these three” one would assume by looking at the picture that Johnny is among them, right?  Yea, and what about that Grizzly? (Yes Mark, there was an entire story line that didn’t involve you…) Does he only object to people walking toward (what’s left of) the Ghost Town and lets people leaving get a pass?  Or does Sheriff Stober have a fresh stash of Nut Goodies in his other pocket?  And what about the trip back to Jimmy and Sarita’s?  The one that takes days  into weeks to accomplish, even on Horseback, which they don’t have at this point?  And do you really expect these desperados to remain compliant, even without being shackled?  And what about the FBI who is still safely sheltering in place during all the tornado activity?  Finally, what happened to the bedroll full of cash from the bank?  Blown from there to Kingdom Come I would imagine…

I have to hand it to Lone Elk…  It’s as if he’s seen this all before… Or he’s just entirely bored with the story line.  If that’s the case, I totally commiserate…  I have a choice as to whether I come back… He’s stuck in the middle of it!

But I thought they wanted to get to the bank… or at least the tunnels below it… And I figured that they’d be inside already lifting up the trap door!  Saying hello to Samson!

Yak, yak, yak…  But look at Mrk’s hair in the second frame!  Not that’s a twister!! One that can dishevel the ‘do!  But now I am confused- again- is that the trap door slamming shut?  Is Mark on the other side of it??  Or did the entire structure come down on top of him??  I’m not really worried, since no one dies in the James Allen Trailverse…  and he wouldn’t have a job if he killed off Mark.  Unlike that rotten-to-the-core political operative Johnny Walker, who went over a cliff with a wounded elk…  Ha!  Get it?!  Johnny Lone Elk… Johnny Walker killed by an elk??  I guess there are only so many word combinations to draw from here…

Thanks, Mark, for once again pointing out the obvious…

If I recall, Johnny knows where he’s going, Sheriff…

Unless Johnny thinks he can dodge a funnel cloud by taking a less direct route and changing course repeatedly…

Happy Turkey Day, all.  Got a date with a 21-pounder on the Weber grill…  along with Bourbon Sweet Potatoes and other fixings.  Oh yea, and the Vikings are playing the Lions… GO LIONS!  Can’t let those dirty bums run away with the NFC North, especially after what they did to the Pack!  Or should I say what they did to the one player who converts the Packers from mediocre to contenders every year…

It would seem that a broken right hand and a fall from the sky is all it takes to (finally) subdue these desperados…  Such sad faces signaling defeat!  No fight left in them at all…

And thank you Sheriff for pointing out the Bank… I guess it doesn’t say “Bank,” it just looks like every other non-descript, camel-brown building on this abandoned main street…  And what’s with your right hand?  All withered and shriveled and decrepit?  Ick.

You know, let’s hope that they ignore, or at least don’t believe, the story of the Grizzly… Have Samson attack and eat them.  That would be awesome!

Probably, but not a sick as we are of looking at them…  Remember the remake of the movie Godzilla starring Matthew Broderick?  Singing in the rain?  Remember how it never stopped raining that entire movie?  I never realized that until it was over…  very dark.

Speaking of dark, that’s where you are heading, sweetheart.  No question that you were in on this whole thing.  What?  Did you get a romantic urge to play a latter day Bonnie Parker?  Not like Baldy ever approached the charm of a Clyde Barrow…

So now they are all going to go to the Bank to hole up in the caves and wait out the storm, never mind that they have been adversaries for months now… that there may be a hard feeling or two connected to this… But no, not in the Trailverse, apparently.  No one stays mad, no one dies, people fall out of the sky and land on a haystack.  REdemption is always around the next corner…  Why, I am sure that all the bad people had rotten childhoods without the requisite support network.  No one starts out bad… they just get that way for lack of love!  Baldy doesn’t need prison… he needs a stretch on a couch, talking to a professional, creating strategies to break the cycle of generational thievery!

…and make sure you keep your gun barrel pointed up at the sky… that’s the best way to catch as much rain as possible…  and I guess that Baldy doesn’t realize that the gun jammed, so is still treating it and the Sheriff with respect…

But Mark… moving the injured?  He said his back hurts.  But apparently not so much that he can’t walk.  What a wuss…  falls from the sky and crashes through a barn wall only to be led to safety by his captors…

And the Tornado, which has been kept at bay for the last week’s worth of minutes (if you know what I mean) suddenly reappears and begins to bear down on the crippled cohort…

‘Chute ripped from his harness, Pilot McPonytail hurtles across the sky like a cruise missile, while the three amigos simply watch slack-jawed and gob-smacked.

I suppose that the last week or two worth of installments represents mere seconds in actual time, but I am still wondering why the hell Baldy isn’t in cuffs, knocked cold or subdued in some way… He’s still the bad guy and still has fight left in him.

As for today’s installment, I grow increasingly confident that Mr. Allen is drawing inspiration from your comments!  Why Just the other day Richard Bryant, Esq. predicted that Pilot McPonytail would land in a “convenient haystack…” and voilà! it is so!

And of course Mark is immediately on the scene, inquiring after his welfare… as the pilot-turned-projectile miraculously survived being tossed through a wall at terminal g-force velocity, able to raise a crooked hand as if to indicate that any spinal cord injury is in the lumbar and not the cervical region…

…

What?  Only three H’s??

And if it wasn’t for Mark, who is back to verbalizing everything, we wouldn’t even know what was happening here…  At least the ponytail has gone back to hair-color again.  That was really bugging me…  And what must still be going through this guy’s head right about now?  “Why did I ever listen to that Bald headed son-of-a-bitch?!”  “Why didn’t I listen to my mother and finish high school?”  or “Damn that United Airlines… this close to tenure and they drop me like a hot rock, forcing me to take up a life of crime…”

Or it’s the magic, ever-changing chameleon hair color that automatically blends in with whatever is the background!

But what’s a couple of broken legs?  Ouch I can  feel the bones snapping right now… But where Mark can jump off a 100 foot cliff and not sustain internal or external injuries, I suspect this bad guy won’t do as well… even with a parachute.

But back to terra firma, do we have Baldy corralled?  Subdued?  He’s been backed into a corner, has nothing to lose, which is when the basest instincts take over, right?  A broken hand isn’t going to stop him!  Book’im, Dan-o… Now!

This is funny.  It’s like no one is listening to the other…

Other than, the “Yeah, I’m OK,” it’s Baldy: “My Hand is Broken,” Sheriff: “The pilot bailed out of the plane,”  Mark: “We really need to take shelter!”

Which brings us all up to speed with the exception of Johnny Loan Elk and Blondie, who are somewhere else in the Ghost Town…

Mark is showing genuine concern for Baldy, who by now is raising his broken hand to his mouth why?  Is he going to wretch?  Ewww.  He’s still got a left hand, though… I’d secure the gun if I were you…

With finger on the trigger and one last line, Baldy prepares to dispatch Mark… Little does he know that the tomahawk, err… hatchet, is winging its way toward him, silently, with bone-crushing aim, destined to break his grip, if not his hand…

So with a CRACK and a K-THUD, Sheriff Stober gains the upper hand, so to speak,  assuming that the cracking sound is coming from Baldy’s Metacarpals and Phalanges… he won’t be punching or pointing a gun with his right hand any time soon.

And what’s with the shape-shifting gun?  Does the Tomahawk strike with such force that it’s flattening out, spreading and rearranging the molecules of the gun itself??

I still say that the “tomahawk”  looks more like a camping hatchet, but whatever…

Ahm gon trow dat ting, mon.

Let’s hope he has better aim with the ol’ tomahawk than he does have the sense to keep his gun barrel pointed up at the falling rain… (thanks, George…)

Of all the one-panel-wonders we have been subjected to, this one is actually pretty cool… I’ll give you that, James Allen.

As the tomahawk flies through the air (it’s got to have a name, right?) We are hopefully days away from witnessing frontier justice at its best.  “He shot first, Sheriff, honest!!”  I have probably shared this before, but it bears sharing again- the courtroom scene from the Coen Brothers remake of True Grit, where one Marshall Rooster Cogburn is being cross-examined and challenged for his use of deadly force…  Having a reputation for shooting first and asking questions later.  I love the language.  It’s apparently authentic to the time period.