Man… I really feel for the leader of the FBI field office.  Whereas Agent John Paul doesn’t have a bad side, his boss doesn’t have a good one… no matter what the angle, his hair is just goofy!  I’m generally not a fan of comb-over hair styles, (I used to count bad ones on the train rides to NYC every morning,) he needs to try something.  The putting-green-surrounded-by-sand look just isn’t working!

Again I ask… what scene?  The bank that got robbed?  The airport?  I don’t think they know where Mark is… and I am too lazy to go back through days upon weeks upon months of daily installments to figure this one out…  OK, James Allen you wore me down.  I’ll just go with it… KRAKARUMBLE to you, too!

And arguably overthought the whole thing… So no, “Billy” was not a woman… as it turns out…

…and now we are on to the fact that it’s no longer 3-1, but rather it’s all tied up at 2-2.  Mark and Lone Elk vs. Baldy (with gun) and Blondie (supposedly armed.)  But it suddenly occurs to me- why wouldn’t Lone Elk have grabbed a rifle, a side-arm, something?  I mean they headed out into the wilderness, complete with Bear and Puma and all manner of Alpha Predator- what about personal protection?  Hell, they might even run across a Minneapolis Police Officer!  A guy’s got to be ready, you know?  Instead they are relying on “trick riding skills” to get them out of the pickle they are in?  Thinking they can count on “the girl” to help?  Heaven help them…

Night is falling.  Day one.  4 months later…

Finally connecting the dots on the other Bank Robber!  That got shot!  Billy!  Billy’s is a woman!  Or dresses like one.

“The Analysis Guys?”  That’s the best you can do?  How about “Forensics?” Or something that sounds just slightly more “official?”  Something else?  Something that the “analysis guys” overlooked at first?  What?  Was she wearing heels?  And please holster that wagging finger, Agent John Paul, that’s rude!  Be kind to your boss.   You have a full head of hair and he looks like something between “before” and “after” in a “Hair Club for Men” commercial…

So… I get away from civilization (OK, North Central WI) for the weekend, and I miss all the violence- the apparent unhinging of an otherwise educated and collected individual…

But clearly the thought of Mark Trail renting a car in her name has sent Lesley Joyce OVER the frickin’ edge!!  Gil!  Pull  that bottle out of your bottom left desk drawer- you know the one you save for special occasions!  If anyone ever need a calmer-downer, it’s LJ!  Note the poor pelicans!  Not only are they hiding themselves from the outrage, but they are clearly blanched and bleached colorless by the experience!!  Oh the humanity!

One last thought- clearly Gil doesn’t “know” his people very well… having greatly underestimated the impact the news was going to have, and dragging Lesley through her own post- traumatic stress moment at her, and it appears, YOUR expense… Justice comes in many forms…

As this punchline plays over a series of days, the level of drama also builds…

Lesley Joyce looks like she is trying out for kabuki theater, or the return of silent movies…  can’t you just hear the organ building up and throwing off fat, ominous chords behind her look of shock?!

…and as Lesley goes through the grieving cycle over the news that Mark has rented a vehicle in her name (shock, anger, denial bargaining, and acceptance; mostly anger) Her bust size has also increased dramatically!  Why not, you know?  The rest of her has been morphing out of control ever since we met her…

For the love of Mike, spit it out, man!  I bet he doesn’t even tell her why tomorrow…  what a pompous jerk!  Or just how long can a writer string something out?  Gone are the days of the 60-day story arc.  I don’t even care to determine when we started this one…  not that the starts are crisp, anyway…

And we can see the frustration on Lesley’s face in the third panel… Why oh why does she suffer this fool, gladly or otherwise??

Now are you going to get the the reason you forced your colleague to recount it for you, Gil?  And Lesley, why are you continuing to spin around and contort like you are doing an interpretive dance?

Lesley!  I am surprised at you!  The grossest thing you have ever seen?  Like, I mean, totally?  And you call yourself a scientist?  It’s the miracle of life!  Nothing gross about that!

And why does everyone in the Trailverse have jet-black eyebrows?  I get why Lesley does-  she has raven black hair.  But Gil?  Heck, even Baldy does, an he doesn’t even have any hair!

Yea, looks like Mark and Lone Elk had to drop the back seats to try to make room for mama Walrus…  but still the last third of her was hanging out- How did she even stay in the car?  And isn’t it the bottom third where the pups would come out? Which means they would be dropped onto the pavement?  Ouch!  We need an anatomy lesson here!

But what is that look of rapture on Lesley’s face?  The thought of life being created?  Walrus placenta all over the upholstery?  Can we move on from here?  This is getting uncomfortable…

…for having heard the story before… but I guess some stories just don’t get old…  especially at the expense of others… And this says quite bit about you, Gil, and your relative level of ass-holiness.

But what else is it about Gil that raises an eyebrow or two?  First, the name- Gil- he seems to be in charge of a water based theme park, and fish breathe through gills… Ha!  I get it!  there’s a pun there.  And then there’s his creepy little soul patch- what, does he blow on a horn in a jazz club when he’s not making fun of his employees?

But let’s check the veracity of blowing out the suspension on a Escalade… a female Walrus might go 2,000 lbs., and while the vehicle can tow upwards of 8,000 lbs., the load capacity of said vehicle is only 1,230 lbs., so I guess we have a winner!

…when we all had to go to court… Man, this is sounding like a rendition of Alice’s Restaurant…  And how they got that Walrus into the back of my Brand new SUV remains a mystery to this day…

But apparently the Walrus doesn’t appreciate leather interiors or fine American engineering… And I would guess didn’t keep her cool.  At which point she tore the sh*t out of the interior of the vehicle… but wait- did you have Farmers Insurance?  The “we know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two” or “seen it, covered it” people?  Then there wouldn’t have been an issue… and Lesley wouldn’t have to be mad at Mark…

Oh, Gil, you are milking this for all it’s worth… yea… I’m sure this story never gets old.

So… Lesley Joyce, the Escalade Driving, radiation-proof diving suit providing, Straight-A, overachieving, never lucky in love Siren that you are, you are being brought back to the one embarrassing moment in your life.  I assume that Mark and Lone Elk corralled the Walrus and somehow got it into the back of the Escalade…  What with Mark’s love of all things Nature, and his total disregard for other people’s property, why would we even be surprised by this?  OK let’s wind up this story within a story so Gil can inform Lesley that Mark has rented another car under her good name… and watch her blow!

Well, that certainly explains it all…  Mark Trail is sort of like James Bond, isn’t he?  He can just walk up to any counter of a certain Rental Car company (I’d presume it wouldn’t work with just any company) say the name Lesley Joyce and keys would be handed to him!  What I don’t understand right now is whether Water World is in South Dakota or if Mark and Lone Elk traveled to another location to shoot the documentary.  Maybe a coastal location?  That would explain how the Walrus “Got away…” in the sea, and not on the Midwestern plains…  Man, it’s really difficult to figure out what’s going on here!

Well, enough with the words… I have to believe that James Allen is reading the blogs and figured he needed to knit some things together fast otherwise we would be in Gil’s office for another month…

Her face and her body proportions just keep getting goofed up!

She looks almost normal (if not completely different) in panel two, but by panel three her neck has grown as thick as a redwood tree!  Not to mention that Gil, taken from 3/4 reverse angle has taken on a rather different look…  good thing that they are wearing the same clothes… otherwise this could get confusing.  Although that didn’t really help with transition from Honey to Abbey Powell… as they were both wearing green bikinis…

Where exactly are we?  I see palm trees and a shore bird in Panel two.  And a slightly familiar face in Panel one…

Yea, his name was something like Lone Elk… I never took the time to get to know the help, because you know, I am a University Professor and kind of a big deal…  and if this “Lone Elk” guy was there to help the guy I hired, well, that’s not something I am going to spend a whole lot of time on.  So, then, where was I?  The Walrus.  The Pregnant.  Female.  Walrus.  I mean seriously.  She got loose!  Had to be clocking at least a quarter mile an hour!  We were at a loss!  I blame the entire incident on Trail and Lone Elk… It’s like they were trying to pull off a “Free Willie” thing, right here in… that’s right, where the hell are we??

Snail’s Pace is a phrase maybe lost to the ages, but it certainly applies to the Trailverse… <sigh…>  in today’s installment it’s almost like ‘Gil’ is trying to get Leslie (morphing and growing more beautiful by the frame) to engage in some ritualistic act that would get most bosses fired…

So with Cherry resting comfortably at home despite getting a call from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (hey, all in a day’s work, right??) we are about to be regaled by a lusty tale of a water-based theme park gone awry… sit tight, kids, this should (could?) be a hoot!

There she is!  Bedroom eyes and all!!  And what is that on “Gil’s” chin?  is that a shadow or a soul patch??

Apparently Boss Man Gil has caught wind of Mark’s attempt at identity theft…  but wait… how?  I mean well… OK, I get it now… even though he rented the car under the account of Leslie Joyce (hey, why not??) and given that WaterWorld had not removed Mark’s name from the list of approved renters (tsk, tsk) and they probably still had to take his personal information- Driver’s License, etc.- and this transaction then hit the account of WaterWorld, well, voila, Leslie is being called into the office for a grilling…  Pretty sneaky, Mark.  Still highly improbable, but let’s suspend disbelief long enough to just go with it.

Dread the thought?  How about Perish the Thought??

Check out the Master… Josh at the comics curmudgeon as he riffs on the latest Mark Trail plot “twists.”

Some vestiges of the old Mark Trail still sneak in, despite laptops and cell phones telling us that we are in a more modern age…

Like the scene above, “Miss Joyce?” calls the white male boss.  “Yes, Mr. _____,” as we apparently don’t use first names…  Terribly old school.

And what’s with Leslie Joyce?  Good Lord she ain’t lookin’ so good… certainly not compared to the siren we were introduced to a while back…

Is that a look of shock, complete with hand to mouth, or is she going to call out to someone??

…because Cherry has to get back to her Pinterest boards…

Like I said, Mark is a safe a a kitten no matter where he finds himself…

But what about all the wildlife wee have been treated to during this exchange?  Bear, Owl, all manner of furry rodent.  Beats looking a people, I guess…

So, it’s back to the Badlands and questions about what Baldy’s next move might be since he has lost all control of the situation!

…my husband?

Yes, Agent “JP,” trouble follows this guy like white follows wonder bread, and rice, and well, you name it.  But he has the greatest defense of all- he is the namesake for a serial comic strip which provides a relatively steady stream of income that provides a lifestyle for a person lucky enough to inherit this franchise…  Sort of like the a manual transmission being the greatest theft deterrent in a car (Damn!  I don’t know how to drive one of these!! I’ll have to go onto my next option…)  And Mark always wins!  It might take months to get through a single day in Trail-time, but he always wins!  So fear not, Agent JP, you might as well just sit back and watch this play out…  meddling will do you no good!

As Cherry lets us in on her little joke, suddenly it’s like she has known this FBI agent (JP?) for years…

Not to mention her impressive use of department slang… BOLO?  Well, YOLO back at you… might as well get in all the slang you can while you can, right?

But really?  Did Mark have Leslie Joyce’s Credit card?  ID?  How exactly did he rent the car in a stranger’s name?  Doesn’t that border on/constitute Identity Theft?  How does Leslie become aware that Mark Rented a car in her name?