because he is the law…  in these parts.  Another great great movie scene comes to mind- from the Coen Brothers remake of True Grit– When Rooster Cogburn (played by Jeff Bridges) is defending his use of force in the apprehension of some evil-doers…

But seriously Sheriff Don…  You would only have to use that carbine if you are picking them off from a distance, right?  At which point you might have a little trouble explaining yourself…

…the scene in The Princess Bride when evil Prince Humperdink promises to send his “four fastest ships” in search of Princes Buttercup’s true love Westley who has been taken hostage by the Dread Pirate Roberts, until, that is, later on when Prince H was caught in a lie when he then stated that his “entire armada” would escort them on their honeymoon…  “All but your four fastest ships, right?” she asks…

Again, Jimmy, you were relieved of four horses when Mark and his “friends” came and went, and you still have enough mounts left in the barn to offer up “fast” vs. “strong?”  And why the hell didn’t the sheriff come with his own horse, Like Tommy Lee Jones in “No Country for Old Men?”  Real men bring their own, right??

As Tennessee Ernie Ford (thanks for that reference!) moves in more closely, under the shelter of the porch, he announces that he, too, will need horses… not a horse, but a couple of horses.  He is, after all, Reigning Lawman of the Year, and he would naturally need more than one horse.  One for himself, the other for his ego that he carts around with him…

And why the Ghost Town?  What is leading you there, Sheriff?  Heck, what is leading anyone there?  And I remind all of us that Baldy and his would-be captive are going places that make no earthly sense if “getting away” is the objective… And is all the loot with them?  Did the supposed pilot of the (to this point unseen) plane go to the airport?  is he still sitting there?  Whatever…

I wanted to comment yesterday, but glad I waited until today.  You gotta pace yourself when days lasts months in the Trailverse…  Sheriff Don sure has an interesting approach to facial hair!  A pencil-thin mustache to go along with pencil-thin sideburns that flare out at the bottom.  And the bottom is waaaay down his face… his loooong face…

Still trying to figure out why/how it is that Sheriff Don stands out in the rain getting soaked while Jimmy & Cherry (oops, I mean Sarita) are but a few feet away and not getting a drop on them?

And of course the cell tower is out… because that happens ALL THE TIME… right??

Sarita seems to have the mistaken notion that one usually greets a sheriff when there is nothing wrong… I don’t know, like maybe when he’s running for re-election?  It’s always struck me funny that Sheriff is generally an elected position- like politics ought to even play a role..

Ah yes, the dark and sultry Sarita…  we can barely see her emanating from the shadows of the porch overhang…

The “people with Johnny?”  What about Mark Trail?  He’s the reason for all of you getting your 15 minutes of fame here…  And come in out of the rain for crying out loud…  I know you have your policeman’s Macintosh on, but really?  If we are going to have a discussion, why not do it in a dry spot?

Sheriff Don Stober arrives, finally, supposedly with six-guns and a tomahawk.

Too bad he had to borrow the Local Police’s truck…  Sheriff jurisdictions are counties, right?  And their vehicles say “Sheriff” not “Police,” right??

State Lawman of the year?  Is there such a thing?  And wouldn’t it be Law-person in this day and age?

So as the storm rages and the FBI is grounded, we learn that the “local Sheriff”  is a character and descended from villainy…

A fact that the FBI chief finds amusing, apparently.  And by the way, he has a name, remember? Sheriff Stober…

I promised I was done with the hairline… but a little montage reveals that he has bad hair days and Really Bad Hair Days…

C’mon James. A little consistency, please??

…or they don’t know how to drive?  Thanks for the comment yesterday… I agree.  What?  a little rain and they have to stay in the office waiting for the storm to pass?  That’s a good thing to know if you are a criminal…

And what is with the wagging finger gesture??  Seems as though that is the go-to artistic effect (I f we can really call it that) in the Trailverse… and it always emerges from the bottom of the frame- like a disembodied hand that may or may not belong to the person talking…

Right you are, Agent John Paul!  What DO we know about THAT local sheriff??  Can he be trusted to respect the Feds?  Does he know that once FBI is on the scene, they are in charge?

For the record, I am done talking about that stupid hairline…  but I can’t take my eyes off it… like a train wreck…

Man… I really feel for the leader of the FBI field office.  Whereas Agent John Paul doesn’t have a bad side, his boss doesn’t have a good one… no matter what the angle, his hair is just goofy!  I’m generally not a fan of comb-over hair styles, (I used to count bad ones on the train rides to NYC every morning,) he needs to try something.  The putting-green-surrounded-by-sand look just isn’t working!

Again I ask… what scene?  The bank that got robbed?  The airport?  I don’t think they know where Mark is… and I am too lazy to go back through days upon weeks upon months of daily installments to figure this one out…  OK, James Allen you wore me down.  I’ll just go with it… KRAKARUMBLE to you, too!

And arguably overthought the whole thing… So no, “Billy” was not a woman… as it turns out…

…and now we are on to the fact that it’s no longer 3-1, but rather it’s all tied up at 2-2.  Mark and Lone Elk vs. Baldy (with gun) and Blondie (supposedly armed.)  But it suddenly occurs to me- why wouldn’t Lone Elk have grabbed a rifle, a side-arm, something?  I mean they headed out into the wilderness, complete with Bear and Puma and all manner of Alpha Predator- what about personal protection?  Hell, they might even run across a Minneapolis Police Officer!  A guy’s got to be ready, you know?  Instead they are relying on “trick riding skills” to get them out of the pickle they are in?  Thinking they can count on “the girl” to help?  Heaven help them…

Night is falling.  Day one.  4 months later…

Finally connecting the dots on the other Bank Robber!  That got shot!  Billy!  Billy’s is a woman!  Or dresses like one.

“The Analysis Guys?”  That’s the best you can do?  How about “Forensics?” Or something that sounds just slightly more “official?”  Something else?  Something that the “analysis guys” overlooked at first?  What?  Was she wearing heels?  And please holster that wagging finger, Agent John Paul, that’s rude!  Be kind to your boss.   You have a full head of hair and he looks like something between “before” and “after” in a “Hair Club for Men” commercial…

So… I get away from civilization (OK, North Central WI) for the weekend, and I miss all the violence- the apparent unhinging of an otherwise educated and collected individual…

But clearly the thought of Mark Trail renting a car in her name has sent Lesley Joyce OVER the frickin’ edge!!  Gil!  Pull  that bottle out of your bottom left desk drawer- you know the one you save for special occasions!  If anyone ever need a calmer-downer, it’s LJ!  Note the poor pelicans!  Not only are they hiding themselves from the outrage, but they are clearly blanched and bleached colorless by the experience!!  Oh the humanity!

One last thought- clearly Gil doesn’t “know” his people very well… having greatly underestimated the impact the news was going to have, and dragging Lesley through her own post- traumatic stress moment at her, and it appears, YOUR expense… Justice comes in many forms…

As this punchline plays over a series of days, the level of drama also builds…

Lesley Joyce looks like she is trying out for kabuki theater, or the return of silent movies…  can’t you just hear the organ building up and throwing off fat, ominous chords behind her look of shock?!

…and as Lesley goes through the grieving cycle over the news that Mark has rented a vehicle in her name (shock, anger, denial bargaining, and acceptance; mostly anger) Her bust size has also increased dramatically!  Why not, you know?  The rest of her has been morphing out of control ever since we met her…

For the love of Mike, spit it out, man!  I bet he doesn’t even tell her why tomorrow…  what a pompous jerk!  Or just how long can a writer string something out?  Gone are the days of the 60-day story arc.  I don’t even care to determine when we started this one…  not that the starts are crisp, anyway…

And we can see the frustration on Lesley’s face in the third panel… Why oh why does she suffer this fool, gladly or otherwise??

Now are you going to get the the reason you forced your colleague to recount it for you, Gil?  And Lesley, why are you continuing to spin around and contort like you are doing an interpretive dance?

Lesley!  I am surprised at you!  The grossest thing you have ever seen?  Like, I mean, totally?  And you call yourself a scientist?  It’s the miracle of life!  Nothing gross about that!

And why does everyone in the Trailverse have jet-black eyebrows?  I get why Lesley does-  she has raven black hair.  But Gil?  Heck, even Baldy does, an he doesn’t even have any hair!

Yea, looks like Mark and Lone Elk had to drop the back seats to try to make room for mama Walrus…  but still the last third of her was hanging out- How did she even stay in the car?  And isn’t it the bottom third where the pups would come out? Which means they would be dropped onto the pavement?  Ouch!  We need an anatomy lesson here!

But what is that look of rapture on Lesley’s face?  The thought of life being created?  Walrus placenta all over the upholstery?  Can we move on from here?  This is getting uncomfortable…

…for having heard the story before… but I guess some stories just don’t get old…  especially at the expense of others… And this says quite bit about you, Gil, and your relative level of ass-holiness.

But what else is it about Gil that raises an eyebrow or two?  First, the name- Gil- he seems to be in charge of a water based theme park, and fish breathe through gills… Ha!  I get it!  there’s a pun there.  And then there’s his creepy little soul patch- what, does he blow on a horn in a jazz club when he’s not making fun of his employees?

But let’s check the veracity of blowing out the suspension on a Escalade… a female Walrus might go 2,000 lbs., and while the vehicle can tow upwards of 8,000 lbs., the load capacity of said vehicle is only 1,230 lbs., so I guess we have a winner!

…when we all had to go to court… Man, this is sounding like a rendition of Alice’s Restaurant…  And how they got that Walrus into the back of my Brand new SUV remains a mystery to this day…

But apparently the Walrus doesn’t appreciate leather interiors or fine American engineering… And I would guess didn’t keep her cool.  At which point she tore the sh*t out of the interior of the vehicle… but wait- did you have Farmers Insurance?  The “we know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two” or “seen it, covered it” people?  Then there wouldn’t have been an issue… and Lesley wouldn’t have to be mad at Mark…

Oh, Gil, you are milking this for all it’s worth… yea… I’m sure this story never gets old.

So… Lesley Joyce, the Escalade Driving, radiation-proof diving suit providing, Straight-A, overachieving, never lucky in love Siren that you are, you are being brought back to the one embarrassing moment in your life.  I assume that Mark and Lone Elk corralled the Walrus and somehow got it into the back of the Escalade…  What with Mark’s love of all things Nature, and his total disregard for other people’s property, why would we even be surprised by this?  OK let’s wind up this story within a story so Gil can inform Lesley that Mark has rented another car under her good name… and watch her blow!

Well, that certainly explains it all…  Mark Trail is sort of like James Bond, isn’t he?  He can just walk up to any counter of a certain Rental Car company (I’d presume it wouldn’t work with just any company) say the name Lesley Joyce and keys would be handed to him!  What I don’t understand right now is whether Water World is in South Dakota or if Mark and Lone Elk traveled to another location to shoot the documentary.  Maybe a coastal location?  That would explain how the Walrus “Got away…” in the sea, and not on the Midwestern plains…  Man, it’s really difficult to figure out what’s going on here!

Well, enough with the words… I have to believe that James Allen is reading the blogs and figured he needed to knit some things together fast otherwise we would be in Gil’s office for another month…